Day: September 15, 2018

I can’t believe it’s been 31 years since the release of Predator. One of the best action movies ever made, it spit out more elected officials than any other movie in history. It just also happens to be the most macho movie in existence. Look at that cast, you can almost smell the creatine when watching it. It gave us so many iconic moments and lines, that I still say today. It also introduced us to the most badass monster in the entire universe. Unfortunately in the newest instalment, he gets reduced to kind of a, well, a joke.

The original has a special in my heart. It came out 1 year before I was even born, but it’s one of the earliest movie memories I have. The lure of Predator was instilled very early on in my childhood, yeah it has an insane amount of swearing and gore, but I turned out just fine. I have my badass grandfather to thank for this. He was responsible was letting me watch this masterpiece at such an early age. We even got together, went out for dinner and went to see Alien vs. Predator together, and I recall having a great time, and hoped that when I become his age, I’m just as cool as he was. So when I sat down to watch Shane Black’s The Predator Thursday night, my mind couldn’t help but shift to that night with my grandpa and the great time we had. Remembering that this 70 year old man, couldn’t wait to watch two of cinemas greatest monsters battle it out. He was a kid all over again. Plus the fact he was cool enough to let a 5 year old kid watch the original. Shane Black, who played Hawkins in the first, the comic relief of the elite mercenary team, that gets picked off one-by-one in the heart of the jungle by a mysterious foe. Coming off the spectacular Nice Guys in 2016 I had really high hopes. After the first few trailers, I was on the fence. But after seeing it last night, I know for a fact, just like myself, my grandfather would have also been heartbroken. Because this movie just flat out stinks.

Without doubt, this will be the most disappointing movie of 2018. It is by far the worst Predator movie to date. Let me be clear, it seems like everyone had a blast making it. One of the strongest aspects of the film is the comradery between the cast, it’s a ton of fun, but after that, there isn’t a whole lot here. I adore Shane Black, and everyone involved here, but with all this talent. All the inner workings he has had with this franchise, this is what he cooked up? Something doesn’t make sense about this whole thing. It feels like just a bunch of poorly put together scenes involving a few Predators. The whole thing wants to be a comedy, but that can’t be right. One of the most feared creatures we’ve ever seen, and literally they are making him do prop jokes. So there I am, sitting waiting for this to begin and it starts. Let me tell you, the first 10 minutes, I was saying in my head “oh shit, this is going to be good!” It gets off to a fantastic start. Then the whole thing just utterly falls apart. Again, I don’t want to say I could have done a better movie or written a better script, but my god. I don’t think it’s difficult to write and make a great Predator movie. I don’t care what anyone says, drop a team of bad ass soldiers in an isolated location and have them get picked off one-by-one. We will always watch that. But the biggest thing we DONT need in a Predator movie, is a child. Jacob Trembley you’re cute as a button kid, but you have zero place in a movie like this. It ruined the whole thing, well mixed with about a dozen other reasons, but it just threw off the vibe and tone completely. I thought Boyd Holbrook, Olivia Munn, Sterling K Brown, who was eating the shit out of every scene he was in were great. Keegan Michael Key actually felt well casted. He was terrific and you could tell he had the most fun out of anyone on set.Now for the star of the show, the Predator themselves. The costume and design of the normal Predator I thought was the best I’d ever seen, but there wasn’t enough of him. There wasn’t enough stalking your prey, when the gore gets going, it’s enjoyable. But the whole movie takes place at night and that always takes away from them. You can’t see in the dark to begin with, so I feel it takes away from their character and their tactic of being camouflaged right out of the picture. I just wanted more of that. As for the new bigger badder one, unfinished CGI took me right out of it. Towards the end our main team is dying and it happens so fast and so rapidly, you’re left wondering who was left standing. Which again, they just rushed the whole 3rd act, and you never cared for these people, so when they did die, you weren’t invested to begin with, so why care?

Just overall, I’m still shocked this is the movie Shane Black pumped out. He’s a very reliable director and he had a ton of talent to work with. What went wrong? How was this the best idea he came up with? Coming back to earth to take a kid with Autism? We are so far gone from what not only made this franchise successful, but why I loved it in the first place. It’s going to bomb and we will have to wait another 10 years for a reboot or something. There are still great Predator stories to be told, let’s make it happen please.

Check ya later.

Nate’s Movie Tour Reviews – The Predator = 45/100