“Steve Harvey ain’t got shit on me” -Warren Beatty
So how about those Oscars? Sunday night the 89th Oscars were held and they certainly didn’t disappoint. 2016 was a great year for movies, and the best movie of the year Moonlight walked away with the grandest Oscar for Best Picture. This was a great and confusing moment; well a few minutes before this, the world was told that La La Land actually won Best Picture. You see, Warren Beatty who was presenting the award, accidentally read from the wrong envelope. Some how he read from the Best Actress envelope, which minutes earlier Emma Stone was awarded that Oscar for her role in La La Land. Rightfully so too, Emma Stone was fantastic in that and it was one of the best movies of the year, so when Warren announced who won, it wasn’t really all that shocking. Until everyone who was involved in La La Land got on stage, and even starting giving thank you speeches, it wasn’t until one of the Producers Jordan Horowitz announced to the world that it was in fact Moonlight who had taken home the last award of this very long evening. He showed the real winning card to the camera, and that’s when the internet broke. Twitter was ablaze as everyone was tweeting and rightfully so losing their shit. This was a weird situation, one – this was the first time in the history of the Academy Awards something like this had occurred and secondly – it was suppose to be Moonlight’s moment. A moment for the world to recognize as a movie about a gay black man just won Best Picture at the Oscars, in a time when the world is so divided. It truly is a beautiful movie, and that was kind of all taken away from them, because of all the chaos and confusion that was happening on stage. Jimmy Kimmel did an excellent job trying to remedy the situation the best he could, but there was a shit storm of emotion going on, and people didn’t know what to think. He even pointed out that Warren Beatty had pulled a Steve Harvey who infamously called out the wrong winner of the Miss Universe Pageant last year. At the end of the day, this is just an award show, yes people’s feelings were hurt, and I’m sure some were embarrassed, but the award went to the right movie in the end. It made for an incredible TV moment, but this photograph captured by Al Seib might be even better. So I’m going to talk about it a little bit Note: I got this article idea from Shea Serrano of The Ringer. I’m certainly not clever enough (not yet) to think of something like this to write about. Take a good hard look at the photo, or just keep referencing back to it for each person! Honestly I blame Matt Damon.
Casey Affleck
I’ll start with Casey because well not too many people are happy that this guy won Best Actor. I watched Manchester By The Sea last weekend, and it was truly one of the most depressing things I’ve ever seen. Affleck was fantastic in it; I don’t really think too many guys could have pulled off what he did in this movie. I just think the Academy thought he did a better job than Denzel, the person every one feels should have won. In the photo, Casey has the look on his face that screams “Maybe we should get the fuck out of here before they take mine away,” as he leans in closely to the person next to him. He’s got a lot on his plate right now, with all the sexual harassment stuff going on and I feel like if they took away his Oscar last night, he would have pulled a Negan and crushed some skulls with it first.
Matt Damon
The banter between Kimmel and Damon will never get old. They really play into one another really well, and that stuff about We Bought a Zoo was priceless. I think for Matt in this photo, it’s a look of pure fear and excitement for his friend Jimmy Kimmel. Like “How on Earth is Jimmy going to get out of this situation alive,” or maybe “Does Jimmy really have the balls to pull a stunt like this at the Oscars?”
Meryl Streep
She honestly just has the look we all do when we watch one of her overrated piece of garbage performances. She’s also probably super stoked Moonlight is actually winning; she’s a certified badass
Ben Affleck
Glad Batman decided to join in on this party last night. It was such a great moment when Ben actually made a joke about Matt’s acting in We Bought a Zoo, and you could tell Matt was biting his lip so hard and just wanted to shout “Batman v. Superman” and drop the mic and walk away, but he didn’t and thank god for that. Because well Ben is Batman and he would have gone all warehouse scene on his ass, probably. Ben and Casey are brothers and you know they have some sort of telepathic thing going on, like most brothers do. I imagine this is the convo going on their heads.
Ben: “You better get out of here man”
Casey: “Why?”
Ben: “If they are taking awards away, you know yours is next right?”
Casey: “Fuck, what should we do?”
Ben: “I’m built like a brick shithouse, I’ll get us out of here”
Casey: “Thanks bro! Can I ask you something?”
Ben: “For the last time Casey, I’m not letting you be Nightwing!”
Casey: “I’m an oscar winner now man, let’s talk about this on the car ride home”
Ben: “Fine. To the Batmobile”
Casey: Ben for the last time, you’re not actually Batman!”
Michelle Williams & Busy Phillips
Awe, these two have totally been besties since meeting while doing Dawson’s Creek. Best friends at heart, but they both have different expressions on their faces. Lets start with Busy, wait what kind of name is Bus? I really hope she changed that for Hollywood, anyways she looks petrified. Like someone just told her that her dog died. I don’t want to make any rash judgments here, but Busy looks like a basic white girl and thought La La Land was the bees knees and is totally crushed it’s actually not winning Best Picture. Or maybe she’s just upset because the Starbucks in the main lobby was closed. Michelle Williams on the other hand, looks almost happy? Look at her face, I think she’s laughing, that’s a face you make when laughing. So either she’s dead inside or she also knows that this is just an award show, and everything will be okay. She’s been through some major shit in her life, so I understand if she finds humor in other people’s sadness. Side note, she was incredible in Manchester By The Sea, she probably had a top 3 gut wrenching scene in all of film in 2016, so kudos to Michelle.
Mel Gibson
Something along the lines of “I’m to drunk, to taste this chicken.” I assume Gibson gets plastered at these kind of things. Hacksaw Ridge was phenomenal so it’s all-good. The girl behind Mel on the other hand, must be either looking at a cute puppy or literally gives zero shits about what’s going down on this stage right now
David Oyelowo
Now, this is a man trying so hard to hide his emotions. David wants nothing more than to get up and cheer, but he can’t. No one can at this point, but look at that face. He hasn’t smiled this hard on the inside since, well I don’t know because I don’t know David personally. He’s just thinking to himself “Stay calm, in about 5 minutes this will all be over, and I can go jump for joy with everyone else who is super happy this movie won!” Pretty much the same principles of being in front of a T-Rex, if I don’t move or do anything, maybe they won’t notice me.
The Rock
Are you in the majority or the minority if you still call him The Rock? Saying Dwayne Johnson will just never sound right, to me at least. This isn’t disrespect either; he’s become on hell of an actor. He looks so concerned in this photo, like his son is on stage bombing the school play, concerned. Let’s face it, The Rock is a goddamn hero, he wants nothing more than his music to drop and for him to be able to run on stage and steal the show. He was a wrestler he’s seen some horrible people on the microphone and every twist and turns imaginable. But nothing could prepare him for last night; he just finished making a musical himself, Moana, which was just delightful. On that note, he definitely has a soft spot for all things music and musical now, and just wants to run on stage and give everyone from La La Land a big old Rock hug. Don’t worry Dwayne; you’ll get your chance next year, because I’m officially starting the petition for Dwayne Johnson to host the 2018 Oscars! With special guest referee Stone Cold Steve Austin (Cue up glass shattering music).
Shout out to Gary from Chicago!
Check ya later.