Jumanji more like Juman-jeeze, are we serious with this?
Okay guys, am I the only one who is getting a little worried about our dear old friend Dwayne Johnson? Am I the only one who thought this was a piece of crap trailer, for a movie that shouldn’t have been made in the first place? Since when is Jumanji a video game and not the classic board game we all fell in love with in the 90s. In all seriousness, Baywatch just came out and my god that was torture to sit through and this looks even worse. Dwayne Johnson is one of my favourite people in the world, but this is getting a little out of hand. Jumanji looks like utter trash, I’m sorry.
I think I already know the whole movie from just watching this trailer. Four kids are stuck in detention, who don’t like each other and who are polar opposites, cough cough, The Breakfast Club. Where they stumble onto the video game of Jumanji, and next thing they know, they are sucked into the jungle and the world of Jumanji. Here’s the kicker all their stereotypes are reversed in the game, the big jock becomes little old Kevin Hart, the nerd becomes Dwayne Johnson, the outcast becomes the smoke show that is Karen Gillian (🚀🚀), and the pretty girl in school becomes Jack Black…..
So I’m sure they will all hate each other at the beginning but learn how to become a team and trust each other. And learn that it’s what’s on the inside the counts and find inner strength that they didn’t know they had. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure there will be tons of laughs in this movie, but it just feels so different from the original. One of Robin Williams best movies and performances, and now we are getting this CGI filled mess.
Hey I could be wrong, Dwayne and Hart had great chemistry in Central Intelligence, I enjoy Karen Gillan in Guardians of The Galaxy, and Jack Black is just a saint. But this is not a good trailer. This simply is not Jumanji, like at all. I hope I’m wrong on this one I really do, because this has potential to be a great remake/reboot, I’m not really sure how this is working. It just feels unnecessary because nothing will ever top the original. Quick fix, call it Welcome To The Jungle, drop the Jumanji, it’s cleaner.
So it’s not as bad as I thought it was going to be, but it might have been written by 8th graders.
Everyone’s favorite franchise is back! That was a joke, the more this franchise goes on the angrier people seem to get. I remember way back when the firstTransformerscame out and I dragged a bunch of my friends to the theatre to go see it. They all thought it was going to be horrible, and they really didn’t know too much about it, unlike myself who like now, was a nerd. All I remember was after the initial scene of Blackout going after the military base, they all looked at me and said, “this is going to be awesome,” then Megan Fox came onto the screen and well then they were really sold. I love the first Transformers, it’s honestly in my top 20 favourite movies of all time lists, but ever since the original, they haven’t really been able to make a better movie. The best part about the original, besides it having Shia LaBeouf in it, was they really kept it simple. The plot wasn’t insanely confusing and it was really easy to follow. Ever since, Michael Bay, who is back in the directors chair for the 5th and last time for this franchise, just really likes to make things BIGGER, and way more confusing each time out. All I’ve ever wanted was for them to recreate the magic from the first one, and just go back to the stuff that made it so awesome. But well I think at this point Bay has just become a world-class prick, and honestly does this on purpose. Transformers: The Last Knight, isn’t the worst of the franchise, but it’s just the cherry on top of what can only be describe as a less than stellar summer movie season so far. I wish I could just go back to Megan Fox opening up the hood of Bumblebee, because those were good times, I even had the poster in my university dorm room.
So here’s the thing, I’m not even going to attempt to tell you what this movie is about, because to be perfectly honest, I’m not even sure myself. One thing is certain though; this movie starts off in medieval times, as we see King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table team up with Transformers. I know, and that’s where we get introduced to this magic staff, that only certain people can use. Honestly that’s all you really need to know, for a simple concept, boy do they really make it seem like you’re trying to learn a new language throughout this movie! The magic staff is the key to the whole movie, that’s all you need to know, magic staff and well explosions! Again Mark Wahlberg is back as everyone’s favorite inventor Cade Yeager (that’s his actual name), and he’s trying to save and rescue the remaining Autobots around Earth. He’s also like the most wanted man on the face of the Earth, but manages to stay hidden, in a junk yard, along with like half a dozen giant robots…..Josh Duhamel is back as Lennox, appearing in the first three movies, so now he leads a team called TRF, their job is to hunt down any Transformers and well kill them. We get introduced to two new female characters in this movie, and they were just meh. So we got a little firecracker Izabella, who has no home or family and goes around fixing Transformers, they try to play her out to be this kind of badass kid, but most of the time, she’s just being ridiculous and any 14 year old, would no doubt shit themselves if they were dealing with giant robots. Next we have Laura Haddock (who I love from the Inbetweeners movie) who is the love interest of Cade. But she’s also very vital to the story line, but I won’t really go into it, seeing how it’s in the spoiler territory. All I can say is I’m pretty sure they wanted to bring back either Megan Fox or get Sophie Turner for this role. Because she is these two girls mixed, actually at some points in the movie, I could swear it was Megan Fox on screen. So that kind of took me out of the movie, like why are they casting someone who looks identical to her? Oh I know it’s because Michael Bay is just messing with us at this point right? Sir Anthony Hopkins is in this also, well because sometimes you just need a good payday. He tries I guess, but like, all he’s really doing is filling us in on plot details and giving a few monologues. BE BETTER ANTHONY! That’s all I’m saying about the plot and characters, because the plot doesn’t matter, or the characters.
Don’t get me wrong, Michael Bay, you know how to shoot action scenes. He knows how to do things on the biggest and most grand scale. I’ll give him that, and I think the action and the fighting in this movie, was the best of the series so far. I went to this movie solely based on the fact that I knew there would be incredible action, and he didn’t disappoint. I’m even going to go as far to say that well, the Bumblebee vs. Optimus fight is better than the Batman vs. Superman fight. When the first trailer hit and I saw that these two guys were going to throw down, I knew I would have to be their watching it in IMAX. Like I don’t get why Bay has to make such great looking movies, but care so little about everything else. My god this script was probably written by 8th graders. There are so many talented writers that need a chance, and yet you turn out garbage like this. There is no reason why we can’t have an incredible Transformers movie, but it seems like all Bay cares about is explosions, product placement and introducing the world to new hot girls. Seeing how this is his fifth movie, maybe he could take a little pride in his overall work, because he shoots actions almost better than anyone, and I think he’s really good at getting the most out of his cast. He’s also an asshole for shooting this movie in three different aspect ratios, so throughout the entire movie, the screen keeps getting bigger and smaller, depending on what camera he used to shoot that particular scene. 3D glasses make movies hard enough to watch, imagine the screen changing sizes every 10 seconds.
At the end of the day, yeah this movie isn’t very good, fans and critics alike are destroying it, but I had to find out for myself. The 10-15 good minutes of this movie, and by that, I mean like 10-15 minutes of just pure awesomeness, reasons I go to the movies for. But it’s 2 hours and 28 minutes, they could have cut 30 minutes loose. But Bay is notorious for making extremely long movies. Those great minutes almost make up for everything else, because I’ll remember that Bumblebee vs. Optimus fight for a long time, because it was just so breathtakingly beautiful. I just don’t understand why everything else has to be just so terrible. This is a money making franchise, it will probably still make upwards of 700 million dollars, so maybe Paramount just doesn’t care about fan service anymore. Michael Bay is done as director and I think it’s time for some fresh blood to get in there and overhaul this thing for the better. We need better human characters, if they are going to be in these movies as much as they are. But more focus needs to be on the Transformers themselves and if I had it my way, I would say to hell with the humans and replace them with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Just for one movie, and see how it goes, I think that could be a really fun movie, it beats watching Mark Wahlberg be a superhero and a 14 year old girl some how fight Decepticons, it’s just not worth my time anymore. But I continue to give this franchise money, because of moments like Bee vs. Optimus and the other incredible action sequences, it’s a love/hate thing for sure, because it just doesn’t make sense to me, why these movies can’t be great. They are making like 14 more, so I guess they have plenty of time to correct this course, or simply just take more of my money. I’m a sucker for robots, what can I say….
Check ya later,
Nate’s Movie Tour Reviews – Transformers: The Last Knight = 52/100
Not even The Rock or slow motion boobs, could save this heaping pile of hot garbage. What this movie needs, is a life jacket…
Remember back in 2014, when 22 Jump Street hit theatres? Remember the running joke throughout the movie, where they insisted “to just do the exact same thing as last time?” Going into Seth Gordon’s Baywatch, I honestly thought it would be, The Rock + some boobs + the beach, and hopefully a 21/22 Jump Street vibe. Well we got Dwayne Johnson, that much is for certain, but everything else, not so much. I can’t begin to describe the utter mess this movie was. My god, just DO THE SAME THING JUMP STREET DID! Before I go on a tirade, I will say this, I’ll give the actors in this movie a lot of credit, they did what they could with the material they were given. It seems like they really had a lot of fun making Baywatch and seem to come together as a cast. The chemistry is terrific between these people, especially Dwayne and Zac Efron, but that really is the only good takeaway I had. It feels like Dwayne Johnson really mailed this one in folks, it’s a shame, because he still remains the most likeable movie star and person on planet Earth.
Our story is pretty simple, Baywatch is a sinking ship, getting no money from the city and people are finding it harder to trust them to do their job properly. Leader of Baywatch, Mitch Buchannon (Dwayne Johnson) thinks that the city not only needs the watch, but they are doing a great job. When the head of Baywatch thinks they need a promotional boost and need to spice things up, he brings in outsider and two time Olympic Gold medal winner Matt Brody (Zac Efron). Joining Buchannon on his team, is CJ (Kelly Rohrbach 🚀🚀🚀) and Stephanie (Ilfenesh Hadera). It’s summer time and that means they are looking for new recruits, when Brody joins the team so does two new comers, Summer (Alexandra Daddario 🚀🚀🚀) and Ronnie (Jon Bass). Like I said above, this movies problem is not the cast, in fact I thought they all had such terriffic chemistry and worked really well together. It was pretty obvious from the very get-go, that Ronnie’s character was written and suppose to be Josh Gad. Jon Bass was okay, but that’s what I was thinking the entire time the movie went on, maybe he had a scheduling conflict, or read the script and bailed. When the team discovers that drugs are being smuggled into the city, they suspect it’s the head of the country club, Victoria Leeds (Priyanka Chopra). Brody thinks that this is a job for the police and refuses to help at first, thinking that being apart of Baywatch is just making sure people put on sunscreen and saving people from ocassionally drowning. Honestly not a whole lot happens throughout the movie, considering it almost clocks in at 2 hours, just a lot of filler. Mitch wants Brody to be a team player, and believe that being part of Baywatch is more than being a lifeguard.
I understand this movie is based off the 90’s TV show, which was cheesy and kind of silly all on its own, so they needed a little revamp for the movie. Making it a raunchy rated R comedy really didn’t do it any favours. I was sitting in a decently crowded theatre and well no one was laughing…….Maybe here or there, but every joke was falling flat. Not good, considering this is a comedy. I’m all for a great dick joke, in fact I enjoy a good dick joke, but my god, I think 45 percent of the jokes in this movie were dick jokes. There’s even a real human dick in this movie. That’s never a good thing, especially when they are just limp, and not hitting. (dick joke!) Going in, I thought this was going to be a really funny movie, Dwayne Johnson can be really funny, but it just seemed like he mailed this one in big time. Actually I know he did, because there’s a 20 minute stretch where he’s just not in the movie. His heart just wasn’t in this one I don’t think, I know he’s a busy guy, but being gone for the majority of the third act is just never a good sign. I will say this about the movie, remember in Batman & Robin when all Arnold Schwarzenegger did was speak in ice puns? Well Dwayne Johnson really only speaks in ocean puns in this. I swear to god, he even blurts out “I’m oceanic mother fucker!” towards the end! What is that nonsense!? That’s all I could think of, was Mr. Freeze and how on Earth he agreed to this script. Still with all that being said, you loved his character, you were rooting for Mitch the entire movie, because it just goes to show, that people will literally watch anything with Dwayne Johnson in it. Here’s another thing, we had two cameos from the TV show, David Hasselhoof and Pamela Anderson, who actually doesn’t speak a word of dialogue which I found amussing. Here’s the kicker, so Hasselhoff is known as “the mentor” but his name is Mitch Buchannon, Dwayne Johnson’s name is Mitch Buchannon, and this movie takes place in the same universe as the television show. How is that possible? There’s just no way they have the same name, these are the little things that pissed me off while I watched the movie. There’s a little scene at the end, where Hoff asks if he will be in the sequel, sorry but there isn’t going to be any sequel my man (this movie bombed).
So I knew this movie was going to be hot garbage almost immediately. The movie opens and we see Mitch running to go save someone, and when he pops out of the water with the person in his arms, BAYWATCH rises from the water and we also see dolphins dancing and doing flips in the background. It was so fake and cheesy that it just set the tone of the movie. That and the first lines of dialogue spoken need “subtitles” because they are like speaking in surfer. Baywatch tries hard to be cool, and it makes it less cool, they were one strapping it the entire time and we all know, it’s now cool to two strap it. Also, the effects and CGI in this are laughable, there’s a scene where a boat is on fire, and it’s the fakest looking fire I’ve ever seen. Like spend some money on these sorts of things, it makes the movie look even worse. That and they green-screened parts of the movie, where literally they are just on a boat in the water. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!! You couldn’t even be on a boat, in the actual water? It’s a joke, like it has to be a joke, right? Things like this don’t usually bother me, but the amount of edits that were happening in certain scenes, was incredible. I don’t usually notice this, because well I mostly watch good movies, but it was sticking out like a sore thumb, just overall terrible film making. Sometimes I can never understand how these things get made, I know, it’s got the worlds biggest movie star, but a little more effort would be appreciated. Oh, and they totally waste a perfectly good funny human being; Hannibal Buress. He doesn’t have anything funny to say, and he’s barley in it. He’s one of the funniest guys around right now and you completely wasted him, the movie needed more Hannibal. Speaking of being wasted, the talented Alexandra Daddario is pretty much in this movie to stand around and give reaction shots and facial expressions. They don’t give her anything to do, or funny to say, she’s just there. Kind of disappointing if you ask me, because she deserves better. One tiny bright spot, Yahya Abdul-Manteen who’s playing Black Manta (one of the coolest villains ever) in Aquaman was really funny in this. So that gave me even more hope for Aquaman and I think he’s going to rock it in that role!
Overall Baywatch is just a mess. It has some of the worst writing for a summer blockbuster in a long time. This honestly felt like a Michael Bay movie, and I happen to think he can put out some good movies. The whole movie was just so predictable and I can’t even really remember one memorable moment, that didn’t invoke some sort of dick joke. They really messed this up, because with a great cast, this had success written all over it. Now I don’t see another coming, unless they really make good money overseas, but I highly doubt that. I wanna see Zac Efron in more things, he’s actually really funny and always finds a way to have great chemistry with his co-stars. I just hope this isn’t a sign of things to come with other properties Dwayne Johnson is rebooting, like Jumanji and Rampage. This summer movie season has kind of been a bummer so far, it’s making me sad. The only positive that comes from this, Zac has motivated me to get a real nice summer bod, so thanks for that Zac.
Sadly, this isn’t a sequel to Logan, sorry to burst your bubble.
So this trailer just came out of the middle of nowhere. It’s funny, just last weekend I watched Oceans 11 and 13, and always forget just how much I enjoy those movies! So when Steven Soderbergh’s newest movie trailer dropped I was a little curious. What can I say, this was just a flat out home run!
The cast, the story, and just the overall trailer, Logan Lucky, might be the surprise of 2017! So it seems like Adam Driver and Channing Tatum are going to play brothers, who might not seem all that smart, but like any good Soderbergh story, an awesome heist is about to happen. The brothers plan on hitting a NASCAR event and they need the help from Lucky Logan, who will be played by none other than James Bond himself, Daniel Craig. Don’t get me wrong, Craig is a terrific actor, but to me, it seems like he’s finally going to do some real acting in this. He’s completely gone off the deep end for his character and I’m really excited to see him play this part. The rest of the cast is insanely packed, so packed, that it’s actually a burden to write everyone down. So take a look for yourself, you know how Soderbergh likes big assembles for his movies!
Coming at the end of August, this could end up being a really good way to end the summer movie season. There’s nothing I love more, than when a trailer drops and you just had no idea this movie was even coming. It’s just refreshing, it seems unique and it’s not a franchise or a sequel or a reboot. Really hoping this one pans out.
“Sometimes, old friend, I wonder if I’m really doing any good out there”
Let us keep this party going! We’re almost in the top 50 here folks! Hopefully you have enjoyed reading this so far, and are coming back to each part! Here are numbers 62-43!
62 – The Last Laugh. Season 1, Episode 4. Director: Kevin Altieri, Story: Carl Swenson
It’s April Fools Day in Gotham, and you know what that means. Joker is going to try and kill a bunch of people, by making them laugh to death! Talk about a punch line! It’s got one of the greatest April Fools jokes ever, remember when Alfred “drew Batman a bath” and shows him a picture of a bathtub, classic Alfie! But when poor old Alfie gets infected by this laughing gas, Batman has a little more incentive to stop Joker. It’s weird, but I really dig the background music in this episode, it’s pretty catchy, and overall it’s a great Joker story. It’s got a giant clown robot that Batman fights, and just a boatload of puns, and who doesn’t enjoy a good pun. It’s even got Batman smiling and cracking jokes, and that is a super rare thing to come across. Seriously though, look at Batman in that picture, isn’t it adorable!!! Grade C+
“Oh, that’s a joke, right? Batman finally told a joke!” – The Joker
61 – Lock Up. Season 3, Episode 26. Director: Dan Riba, Story: Paul Dini
Lyle Bolton is his name, get it BOLT-ON, and his alter ego is Lock Up. Wow, I don’t know if that’s extremely clever or corny. This guy is a grade A psycho, I’ll tell you that much. See Lyle was a prison guard, one of the best, but he wanted more, he wanted the prisoners to fear him, and he felt like they were all the scum of the Earth. When the inmates complained, they get Lyle fired, and boy does he not take that lying down. Some time passes and he is now, Lock Up, and is kidnapping some of Gotham’s finest (Summer Gleeson, Commissioner Gordon, Mayor Hill) and wants to punish them for creating a poor justice system. He’s even got some cool lock gadgets that are pretty handy. I kind of wish this guy was in more episodes, he’s huge and pretty damn smart, but when he gets stopped by Batman in the end, since he’s so psychotic, he can now watch all the criminals inside Arkham. Maybe this guy is just a pure genius who knows! Grade C+
“Just what this town needs, another psycho in a Halloween costume.” – Harvey Bullock
60 – Fire From Olympus. Season 3, Episode 7. Director: Dan Riba, Story: Judith & Garfield Reeves-Stevens
Maxie Zeus, just another wack job in Gotham. See he believes he is the reincarnation of Zeus himself, and thinks he can wield thunder bolts. When he wants to steal an experimental weapon from Gotham and use it to destroy the city. I’ll admit, if I did these rankings years ago, this might be a bottom 10 episode, but there’s something about it. It grows on me with each new watch, and I don’t know if its because I’ve come to know the character more, or because I’m realizing it’s actually just a great episode. The ending of this one, when Zeus is being taken through Arkham and he’s comparing all the rogues to well know Greek Mythology characters is actually so brilliant, and it’s just a really cool scene. Grade C+
“To the depths of Tartarus with you!” – Maxie Zeus
59 – Deep Freeze. Season 3, Episode 28. Director: Kevin Altieri, Story: Paul Dini
Awe, imagine if Walt Disney, had gone batshit crazy and wanted to be immortal. Well I guess, he did freeze himself, and I don’t know if this episode has anything to do with that, but it reminds me of that, so back off! Grant Walker a billionaire with way to much free time on his hands, breaks Mr. Freeze out of Arkham, so he can help him become just like him. Not only that, Walker wants to turn the world into a skating rink, and start the next ice age, man Gotham really has some sick people in it. Maybe I’m to hard on this episode, but anything that’s not Heart of Ice, has a lot to live up too. This episode just doesn’t really do it for me, and to be perfectly honest, I was always so pissed they waited like 60 episodes to bring Mr.Freeze back. So in the end Freeze helps Batman and Robin, so he can help get his wife back. I just wish we would have gotten a few more Mr. Freeze episodes, but there’s just something about this episode that doesn’t feel right to me. Grade C+
“She’ll wake up in a dead frozen world, that you helped destroy. She’ll hate you for that!” Batman
58 – You Scratch My Back. Season 4, Episode 5. Director: Butch Lukic, Story: Hilary J. Bader
Boy, is there an awful lot of sexual tension in this episode. Hilary wasn’t holding back on this one. Nightwing wants to get out of Batman’s shadow, so he decides to take down a smuggling ring all by himself. Or so he thought, because Catwoman joins in on the fun, and wants to help the boy wonder. She also seems to want to make Batman jealous by having a somewhat of a sensual relationship with Dick (see what I did there). Meanwhile Batgirl and Nightwing got their own thing going on, and it’s just a cluster of emotions going on. Being the double crosser Catwoman is, she is just using Nightwing, to get to some rare antique. He ends up double crossing her, by secretly working with Batman the whole time, he even pulled one over on me the first time I watched it. Pretty mature episode for being a kids cartoon, so I’ll give it props for that. It’s also just an enjoyable episode! Grade C+
“The only cucumbers in there are .38 caliber” Nightwing
57 – The Cat & The Claw. Season 1, Episode 15/16 Director: Kevin Altieri, Dick Sebast, Story: Sean Catherine Derek
We made it, to the first two-part episode! It happens to be Catwoman’s origin, and it happens to feature Red Claw (BOOOOO). If I’m not mistaken these were the first two episodes ever aired, but I go by the box sets, but that’s a fun little fact! So Batman is dealing with this new cat burglar in town. And it just so happens Bruce Wayne has been swept off his feet by the new gal in town, Selina Kyle. Coincidence, I think not! So Selina is pretty pissed because this mountain lion exhibit is being destroyed, by The Red Claw, so both Catwoman and Selina are doing everything they can to stop it from happening. Bruce Wayne is falling for Selina, and Catwoman is falling for Batman, it really is quite the conundrum. When things start to go wrong for Selina, Bruce is there to help, and Batman is also trying to protect Catwoman. When Red Claw steals a deadly plaque on a military train, it’s up to Batman and Catwoman to stop her. Once Batman finds out who Catwoman really is, he has a hard time controlling his emotions and knowing what the right thing to do is. The Catwoman origin stuff, and her arc with Batman in these two episodes are so fantastic, but they get penalized because of the Red Claw. She’s such a horrible villain, and she just was such a buzz kill for these two episodes. The dynamic between Batman and Catwoman is compelling to say the least, and they arguably have the most intriguing relationship in the show, it’s just to bad they couldn’t of had a better baddie to go up against in their first episodes together. Grade B-
“I’m an equal opportunity crime fighter!” Batman
56 – Christmas With The Joker. Season 1, Episode 2. Director: Kent Butterworth, Story: Eddie Gorodetsky
One of my all time favourite traditions. Watch this episode on Christmas Eve! This episode gives us a lot of good moments, I feel like I’m screwing up majorly by putting it this low on my list. We get the Joker rendition of ‘Jingle Bells’, which is an all time classic. Him riding through the roof of Arkham on top of that christmas tree is something special. But overall it’s just not the best of episodes. So it’s Christmas Eve, and Batman is not satisfied with his nightly patrol with Robin. When Robin finally convinces him to head home and put on “It’s A Wonderful Life,” Joker interrupts the broadcast, to declare madness on Gotham! He has capture some people, and it’s up to the dynamic duo to stop him. I feel like if it were December this would be higher on my list, I don’t know what it is, I think I’ll regret putting this episode here. Grade C+
“They don’t call ya Batman for nothing!” Robin
55 – Zatanna. Season 2, Episode 26. Director: Dick Sebast, Story: Paul Dini
Talk about a little sex pot. Zatanna and Batman have all sorts of tension and chemistry between them. When Bruce Wayne visits with Zatanna’s father to learn the ways of illusion and to become a great escape artist, he meets his daughter Zatanna. When he learns all that he can, he leaves and never sees Zatanna again. Until she comes to Gotham, as she grew up to become a great magician. When the final act goes horribly wrong, and she is framed for stealing a lot of money, Batman will stop at nothing to prove her innocence. It doesn’t take her long to figure out that Batman is “John Smith” the man from her past, when he uses an old nickname. They work together to bring down an evil illusionist Montague Kane. I like Zatanna, she’s a great character and I thought she was well portrayed in this episode. I just wanted a little more from the episode. She’s another character they bring into the show and never come back to, which was a total bummer. Batman also cares deeply for this girl and cared for her father, and I love the bond they share, and how close they still are, despite being away from one another for so long! Grade B-
“What do you care about some leggy dame in nylons- or have I just answered my own question?” Zatanna
54 – Appointment In Crime Alley. Season 1, Episode 26. Director: Boyd Kirkland, Story: Gerry Conway
One of the more emotional episodes of the entire series. Batman’s yearly tradition of visiting the site of his parents tragic murder. Crime Alley, a place that Batman hates, yet holds so close to his heart. Well it’s that time of the year, but Roland Daggett is doing everything he can to stop Batman from making that appointment. Daggett is planning on burning Crime Alley to the ground, with or without its residents still living there. He needs the land to build his empire even greater, and will stop at nothing to do so. Batman is also getting held up with various other crimes going on around Gotham, and his head and his heart are not in the right mind frame. The ending to this episode is just so powerful, they really don’t have cartoons like this any more. Like not even close. Once the day is saved, finally Batman and Leslie Thompkins head to Crime Alley, so he can deliver his roses to his parents. He kneels over and Leslie puts her arms around him and it’s just such a powerful scene, that sometimes even Batman is vulnerable and needs compassion every so often.
“Good people still live in Crime Alley” Batman
53 – Blind As A Bat. Season 3, Episode 3. Director: Dan Riba, Story: Mike Underwood
Imagine Batman was like blind. Bats are blind, so why shouldn’t Batman be blind. Well in this episode, that’s exactly what you get. Penguin steals some military badass helicopter from the Gotham airshow, and Bruce Wayne happens to become blind, when he gets caught up in some cross fire. But you know Batman, he never quits, so he uses some sweet technology to give himself sight, but it has a few problems. Watching Batman be completely blind and trying to fight people, is actually hilarious, and I can’t help but laugh every time he falls into those barrels! His glowing red eyes, actually make him look more terrifying and menacing as The Dark Knight. Just kind of a meh episode for me, obviously he gets his vision back….. Grade C
“You’re blind as a bat. Sightless and helpless.” Penguin
52 – Heart of Steel. Season 2. Episode 10/11. Director: Kevin Altieri, Story: Brynne Stephens
Seriously, Bruce Wayne really knows how to pick em. Imagine going on a date with a woman, to only find out she’s a robot, and wants to kill you. Robots! Lots and lots of robots. So these episodes are kind of all over the place. So there are a ton of robberies going on around Gotham, and Batman discovers it to be a mechanical briefcase (I’m not kidding). So he tracks down his old pal Karl Rossum, who is an expert in robotics and has lived a sheltered life, after his daughter was killed in a car crash. There he meets the lovely lady/robot assistant Randa Duane. He doesn’t know she’s a robot, and now that I’m thinking about it, why would Karl even let that go on for a second? He must be a sick guy. Any who, he also shows Batman his most prized possession, H.A.R.D.A.C a super computer capable of incredible things. Things that even Rossum doesn’t know. Like make robotic duplicates of some of Gotham’s most important people! I almost forgot, we get introduced to Barbara Gordon in these two episodes, and she’s awesome. When her Dad gets taken away and replaced with a duplicate, she knows something is wrong right away, there’s also a moment when she thinks she has killed Bullock, but it turns out to be a duplicate also. Imagine that wasn’t the case though, and she straight up just killed a guy! So when Bruce Wayne goes on a date with a robot lady, she sneaks into the batcave and tampers with the bat-computer. When Batman investigates he gets attacked, and realizes something is severely wrong in Gotham. With the help of Barbara, they head back to Rossum, to confront him, but he doesn’t even realize what’s happening, and together they free all the kidnapped citizens, and destroy H.A.R.D.A.C once and for all. This is a two parter that I find myself disliking with each viewing, I’m not sure why, so that’s why its so low on the list! Grade B-
“His human imperfection endangers the plan. He must be improved upon.” H.A.R.D.A.C
51 – A Bullet For Bullock. Season 3, Episode 11. Director: Frank Paur, Story: Michael Reaves
Thee Harvey Bullock episode! Finally, one of my favourite characters from the whole show. A tortured soul, a good cop, but simply misunderstood. He believes we don’t need Batman, and in this episode, Bullock finally comes around to the idea of Batman, and hell even thanks the man. Someone is trying to kill Bullock, and wants him dead bad, and well he doesn’t have the slightest of clue as to who it is. So like any desperate man, he turns to Batman for help. This is a really character driven episode, and us as the audience and even Bullock himself learn a lot about this guy. He realizes that his demeanour and his behaviour has created some of the unlikeliest of enemies. He becomes self aware of how he treats people, and maybe realizes it’s time for a change. They scour Gotham, and pinpoint someone from his past as the culprit. That wasn’t the case, it was Bullock’s landlord who wanted him dead, and even pulls a gun on him at the end of the episode. He had driven this poor guy mad, and you just learn to really love the guy by the end of the episode. I really want to see this guy in The Batman movie. Grade B
“You wanted my apartment? You mean, this whole thing was about rent control?” Bullock
50 – It’s Never Too Late. Season 1, Episode 12. Director: Boyd Kirkland, Story: Tom Rugger
There’s a crime war going on in Gotham, between Rupert Thorne and old timer Arnold Stromewell, and it is sweeping through the city. When Thorne wants a “truce” Stromwell shows up thinking that this is really happening, meanwhile it’s a trap! You gotta know better old man, but Batman is on the case and saves Stromwell from an exploding building. He needs Stronwell’s help, and needs him to testify against Thorn. He pulls out all the stops, Batman tracks down his son, who is a drug addict but is getting the attention he needs. See Arnold had a trouble upbringing, when he was a boy, is brother lost his leg, when the pair of them were playing on the train tracks and he’s never forgiven himself for it. Now a priest, with the help from his brother and Batman, Arnold swears off crime and even helps bring down Thorne. This is another emotional episode, with all sorts of emotional baggage and layered story telling. Dealing with some serious subject matter for being a kids cartoon. An episode that honestly only gets better with time. Grade B-
“Stay away, Michael! The last time you tried to help me, you lost your leg!” – Arnold Stromwell
49 – Never Fear. Season 4, Episode 6. Director: Kenji Hachizaki, Story: Stan Berkowitz
Imagine Batman without fear. His deepest fear is becoming what fights every night in Gotham. He never wants to cross that line, and become one of them. Well we kind of get that in this episode, when Scarecrow makes a new toxin that eliminates fear as we know it. So when Batman gets exposed to the gas, he thinks nothing of it. Until he starts acting radically and is being more dangerous and reckless. Sensing this, Robin decides he must do this on his own. Knowing Batman is a threat to not only Gotham city, but to himself as well. Probably the weakest Scarecrow story, but the idea behind Batman losing control is a really neat idea, and something that should be taken seriously. Doing this again, but making it a little more edgy could be awesome to see, because Batman without limits, is a scary man to think about. There is a great exchange between Robin and Batman in this episode. Where Robin knows, that Batman is now such a threat that he needs to stop Scarecrow alone, it’s just a really powerful scene between the two. Considering Tim Drake is just a kid, and he’s not afraid of Batman, even when he is unhinged. Grade C+
“Untie me, you little… UNTIE ME!” – Batman
48 – House And Garden. Season 3, Episode 14. Director: Boyd Kirkland, Story: Paul Dini –
This episode is just straight up creepy. Poison Ivy is a broken woman in this one. We see her “building a new life” becoming free of crime and Batman is in shock. She’s turned a new leaf (plant pun!) and decided it’s time to settle down and start a family. She meets a nice professor that teaches at Dick’s school and together they raise his two sons. Batman at first is skeptical, and starts to spy on Ivy, but when he comes away with nothing, he even feels bad for pressuring her so much. Meanwhile, a giant plant like man is terrorizing Gotham, and it would appear that all fingers lead to Ivy, but Batman simply can’t connect the two. At one point in the episode Ivy tells Batman “She’s the happiest, she’s ever been”, and Batman tells her that he believes it. When it turns out, that Ivy is in fact making “people” and that her family isn’t real, Batman and Robin are able to put a stop to her insane plot. She eventually flees Gotham and is seen on an airplane, looking through photographs of her family, with tears in her eyes. Just an emotional episode, showcasing that even though her family and life weren’t real, it was in fact the happiest she’s ever been. Sad stuff. Grade C+
“She’s done nothing more incriminating than return an overdue video – even paid the late fee.” Batman
47 – If You’re So Smart, Why Aren’t You Rich? Season 2, Episode 12. Director: Eric Radomski, Story: David Wise
The Riddler! One of my all time favourite Batman villains, and guess what? They do him such proper justice in this show! The episodes before the revamp that The Riddler is in, are just quality stuff. His origin story episode however, is my least favourite. The way he looks, speaks and intellect are all so on the money, it’s not even fair. So kudos to the guys for really nailing this character. So Edward Nygma creates a world famous game called “The Riddle of The Minotaur,” and is on top of the world. But when his boss, Daniel Mockridge fires him, so he can keep all the profits of the game for himself, Nygma vows revenge as he leaves the building. Fast forward two years, and Mockridge is getting riddles all across Gotham, and he knows it can only be one man. The Riddler ends up kidnapping Mockridge, and swears to put an end to Mockridge. Batman even feels a little for Nygma, knowing he was the creator of the game, and got screwed over. But they have to stop him from killing Mockridge, who he has hidden in the middle of a life size replica of the game he created. This is where the episode takes a downturn for me, I’m not a fan of the life sized game, it just seems so unrealistic (I know it’s Batman, but you know what I mean). It feels so out of place, and this is when we learn that Batman is a terrific riddle solver, and it damn near pisses Riddler off every time. Mockridge is saved, but he ultimately ends up living in fear for the rest of his life. Side note: I love how they got a guy who’s last name is Wise to write this episode…… Grade B
“My, my, my, can we actually have a brain beneath that pointy cowl of ours?” The Riddler
46 – Mad As A Hatter. Season 1, Episode 27. Director: Frank Paur, Story: Paul Dini
Jervis Tetch, a Wayne Enterprises scientist, is madly in love with one of his secretaries Alice. You know where this is going, he eventually snaps, and becomes his alter ego Mad Hatter. I like this character, I enjoy the play on the whole Alice in Wonderland thing. Jervis is a broken man, who just wants to be loved. When he can’t have that, he makes it happen, by mind controlling those around him. He can actually be a pretty worthy advisory to Batman, with his mind controlling devices, seeing how anyone can be targeted. So when Alice gets engaged to her boyfriend, Jervis doesn’t like that one bit, and sets off on a rampage to win her back. I’m a big fan of the end to this episode, with all the characters from Alice in Wonderland being involved, and I just think Mad Hatter is a really interesting and unique Batman character. Just an overall, really well done episode in my mind. Grade B
“You’re mighty in Gotham, Batman, but in Wonderland, the Mad Hatter reigns supreme.” Mad Hatter
45 – Fear of Victory. Season 1, Episode 24. Director: Dick Sebast, Story: Samuel Warren Joseph
Imagine being afraid of just about everything and anything. Well Scarecrow’s newest toxin does just that. When he’s intoxicating star Gotham athletes and making a fortune off their poor performances, he thinks he has it made. He even gets Robin’s roommate, quarterback of their universities football team, and at the same time Robin becomes infected. He doesn’t know until he’s on patrol with Batman, and finds himself, afraid of heights all of a sudden. This episode is all about facing your fears, and being master of your own mind. In the first season, Scarecrow is involved in 3 incredible episodes, and I really wish they didn’t go away from that character in later seasons. He is always testing Batman’s limits, and in this episode, Robin feels like he is a burden to Batman. Once Batman finds the connection between the athletes and Robin, he knows it’s the professor of fear behind it, and when he goes to confront him in Arkham, well guess who broke out. There’s a great part, when it appears he’s in his cell, just rocking back and forth on his rocking chair, but it’s just an actual Scarecrow. Like just how bad is security at this place? Grade B-
“I need the money, Batman. You know the cost of chemicals these days.” Scarecrow
44 – Night of The Ninja. Season 2, Episode 7. Director: Kevin Altieri, Story: Steve Perry
Kyodai Ken, man this guy was so cool! For being a lesser known rival to Bruce Wayne and later Batman, this guy was pretty badass! He’s only in two episodes of the show, but honestly they are two of my favourites. The reason I have it only at number 48, is well, remember what show we are talking about here. So when Bruce Wayne goes to Japan to learn the ways of a samurai, he meets Ken, who is a formidable foe. He is better than Bruce in the dojo, but he has his heart on a rare sword, and tries to steal it. When he is stopped by Bruce and their master, Kyodai Ken swear revenge. Some years later, robberies are happening all over Gotham, and to Wayne Enterprises subsidiaries, he comes face to face with a worthy opponent. When trying to get away, he notices a back tattoo, the same one that Kyodai Ken has. Fearing that he might not be able to beat him, like he could never do in the past, Batman is a little on edge. One of the reasons I love this episode so much, is there’s also a great Robin story in here too. That Robin sometimes feels like Batman isn’t proud of him, or that he isn’t grateful to have him around. Towards the end of the episode, it is Bruce Wayne that defeats Ken, but needs the aid of Robin, due to the fact that he’s fighting him in front of Summer Gleeson. He can’t defeat him with her watching, because it might start to raise unwanted questions. I think I’m really screwing up by making this episode 48, but the truth is, the next time Kyodai Ken comes around, it’s even better! Grade B+
“I have to be the best there is, no matter what it takes!” – Batman
43 – See No Evil. Season 1, Episode 17. Director: Dan Riba, Story: Martin Pasko
This episode for me at least, has it all. A great story, animation and a really good character. Lloyd Ventrix is a fresh out of jail father, who can no longer see his daughter. So he makes a suit, that’s made up of a special plastic that can bend light. He’s therefore invisible, and when he’s invisible he can see his daughter. See she thinks it’s her new best friend Mojo, and there’s something about this, that’s both sweet and creepy. He’s also using the suit to commit various crimes around Gotham, and when Batman goes up against him, and realizes what exactly he is going up against, he digs deeper into this matter. When he finds out the plastic is toxic and will eventually kill Ventrix, he tries to console him about losing his daughter. All the animation with him being invisible is incredible for the 90’s and they have some stellar fight sequences in this as well. Towards the end when Batman uses a dripping water tank to see Ventrix, and it’s just really well done. He’s only ever in one episode but man I just love that character, it’s a real mature story for a kids show. It really only gets better with each viewing in my opinion. Grade B
“See you ’round, Batman! Too bad you can’t say the same!” – Lloyd Ventrix
Spoilers ahead, because that’s the only way I can fully review this movie.
Alien Covenant is Ridley Scott’s follow up to the ever so confusing 2012 Prometheus, you know the movie you left scratching your head, probably severely confused. Well guess what, I’m pretty sure this movie gave me an ulcer from how stressed out it made me. Apart from Logan, I honestly thought Alien Covenant had the best marketing campaign going. All the trailers have been incredible and I thought I knew what I was going to get with this, it looked terrifying as hell and it seemed like we were going to get a lot of our questions we had from Prometheus answered. Well CONGRATS, FOX, Ridley, you guys really pulled one over on me!! Seriously touché, I actually almost felt like getting up and walking out of this movie, not because it’s that’s bad, because of how much it was pissing me off! Ridley, my man, you’re an incredible filmmaker, one of the best to ever do it, why are you making it so difficult for people to enjoy and understand these movies. It’s like when an already really pretty girl, decides to cake on a ton of makeup, you don’t need it. You’re nice to look at to begin with. We don’t need all this extra stuff. The more I think about Alien Covenant, the angrier I am getting. I’m just frustrated because I had such high hopes for it, I thought it was going to be scary (it was not), I thought some questions would be answered (I left with more), and I can never quite figure out why these scientists are so stupid. It felt like Scream mixed with an alien movie. I’m not even kidding, it was Friday the 13th level cheese sometimes, and instead of Jason, we had Xenomorphs. Man there are so many problems with this movie, I will try my best not to lose my cool here.
So the Covenant is a spaceship heading to planet Origae-6, for the first ever colonization mission. Thousands of embryos and colonists are on board along with its crew, made up of couples. First things first, what the hell James Franco? I was excited to see this guy in an alien movie, and he might have set the land speed record for shortest cameo in a movie. I mean he didn’t even have a word of dialogue, if you count out the IPad message we see. I laughed, because honestly what the hell was the point? I could have played that role; so right from the beginning I was a little worried. So poor James Franco was the captain of the Covenant, so now that falls on the lap of Oram (Billy Crudup), I’ve always been a big fan of this guy. Along side Oram, we have Walter (Michael Fassbender) the droid, Daniels (Katherine Waterson), Tennessee (Danny McBride) and a few others, I’ll give Upworth (Callie Hernandez) a shout out, because I thought she was great and is a rocket. The crew is 15 large, but I don’t want mention everyone, because I don’t remember their names, they are all do disposable and half of them were just so stupid that they deserved their own fates. Here’s the one major problem I have with Covenant, these people are mainly all scientists and are part of the first colonization mission in human history, but man are they all SO STUPID! I’ll really get into that later, but my God, this movie at times is painful. Being the massive Alien fan I am, my hopes were so high for this movie and it just ultimately failed to meet my expectations, even just a little bit.
So when the Covenant loses some colonists because of some sort of space storm, the crew is rattled, and when Tennessee is outside the ship making repairs, he hears a mysterious radio transmission. After years and years investigating, researching and making sure the planet they have pick is the absolute perfect candidate. But good old caption Oram, decides too hell with that, and they proceed to this mysterious planet, as it also fits all the requirements to be a suitable planet for colonization. So after the crew decides to land on this new planet, well let’s just say, it doesn’t take very long for everything go to complete and utter shit. Just like that, but honestly what were these people thinking. A few of the crew members get infected by that black goo stuff from Prometheus and after several crew members die in some horrible ways, they soon lose the ability to communicate with the Covenant. Remember when I said some of these people are stupid. There’s one part, where no word of a lie, someone actually two people in a row slip on blood, and let the alien get loose. And not only does this one girl slip on blood, she follows that up by firing live ammunition in what appears to be the holding cell of multiple gas tanks. You already know how that ends up. Like just lock yourself in a room, you have a massive gun, why does Ridley Scott, make this feel like a 90s slasher film sometimes, it just a frustrating watching the same thing happen over and over again. You know exactly who is going to die, even before it happens. Things have just gone horribly wrong, people are dead, and you have the old “I’m going to the bathroom” all alone routine. Like give me a break. Going into Alien Covenant I thought it would be the scariest alien movie since well Alien. And when you have things like people going off on their own, and getting separated, it takes all the suspense and horror elements out of it and that was such a major let down. So finally David, the droid from Prometheus comes and saves the day, and from the very get go, you know this guy is bad, and they do such a poor job of even trying to make you think otherwise.
David tries to tell the crew what’s going on, how did he survive this whole time and meanwhile back on the Covenant, Tennessee and the other two crew members are trying to land on this planet, but there’s such a bad storm that they can’t even get into contact with them. So finally Oram, Walter and Daniels believe that David is really up to something, so before Oram decides to blow David to hell, David wants to show him something. For me this was the best and most enjoyable moment of the entire movie, it happens to happen right before the worst part of the movie. David shows Oram some face-hugger eggs, and he does that age-old trick of looking inside, curiosity killed the cat my friend. Obviously he gets one attached to him, and BOOM I believe we have the first ever Xenomorph born! Finally it only takes the entire movie, but something needs to be said. Aliens, they do such incredible practical effects, the whole movie is so beautiful, that’s Ridley Scott’s best trait as a filmmaker. But my god, The Xenomorph’s in this movie look so fake and so bad. All CGI from what I could tell, and it just takes you out of the movie. After the Xenomorph bursts through Oran’s chest, it likes raises its hands in the air, because David does it, and it was just so ridiculous. Remember in Space Balls, when they mock the chest bursting scene, and the Xenomorph dances after it’s born. I swear to god, that’s what this felt like to me, all it was missing, was a cane and a top hat. Oh and after that, David and Walter share a kiss, and again that was just nonsense. I’m rambling because all I wanted was this to be a great alien movie, and we didn’t get that, not even close. So finally we have a Xenomorph kind of doing Xenomorph things, and the crew is about the get rescued and Daniels fights one while like hanging from the ship, which was a pretty cool character moment from her. They tried really hard to make her like a Ripley type, but there can only ever be one Ripley, so I don’t understand why they do that. Create something new; create a new badass female character please.
So they finally get on board and they think everything is peachy, well it’s not, because some how a face-hugger gets on one of the remaining crewmembers. Now there are only 5 people left, two of them get freaky in the showers, and well remember what Randy, tells you in Scream. If you have sex, you die. So now it’s Tennessee and Daniels vs. the last Xenomorph. At this point in like yah, Danny McBride is about to fuck this thing up, and get his moment to shine, nope that doesn’t happen. They literally do what they always do, suck it out into space…..
I wanted Danny McBride to have his moment in this movie, because I thought he was the best part of the movie but that just never happened. He showed he’s a really great actor and should be taken seriously but I was just upset he didn’t even get to kill a Xenomorph in this. Finally everything is fine!!! Wait no, because remember, David and Walter are both the same and they wanted you think Walter came out victorious when the two droids threw down earlier in the movie. But I know better, so when David is putting Daniels and Tennessee back into their stasis pods, she figures this out, but it’s two late. David swallowed two face-hugger eggs and now plans to experiment with the embryos on board. That was the ending to the movie, I left more confused than I was after Prometheus.
Look there is some good in this movie; performances across the board were great. I loved McBride and Waterson and obviously Fassbender does a bang up job playing two characters. I even like the new comer Callie Hernandez, who was great in her little screen time in La La Land. The movie itself is breathtaking, but we all knew it would be going in. That’s what Ridley Scott does best. But it’s not scary at all, there’s no suspense, yes it’s gory as hell but that doesn’t make it scary. All these characters were just disposable, and quite frankly really dumb. I just wanted this to actually be an alien movie, but he’s trying to hard. He’s making the franchise way to complicated, go back to the roots man and just make us feel scared again. Enough with this big picture nonsense. Why is a droid the true villain of a movie called Alien. I hate David and I can’t wait for that milkman of a droid to die. This was a really hard review to write, I even saw this Thursday night and I wanted to wait, and see if my feelings changed a bit. In all honestly I feel like I dislike the movie more now, than when I walked out of the theatre. Just overall, this was a really big let down, one of the biggest let downs in a long time for me.
Check ya later,
Nate’s Movie Tour Reviews – Alien Covenant = 61/100
Maybe. Maybe not. When you look into the abyss, the aybss looks back through you.
The dork knight is back! We have gone through the worst of the worst (in my opinion) of everyones favourite superhero cartoon! The bottom 20 episodes are out of the way and now it’s time to keep this party going! Things are going to get a little bit tougher from here on out for me. This is the grey area where certain episodes could almost land anywhere on my list. I think from here on out, I like every single episode I’m about to rank, but they all can’t be winners now can they, somebody has to be towards the bottom. So without further adieu here are numbers 82-63!
82 -Girls Night Out. Season 4, Episode 20. Director: Curt Geda, Story: Hilary J Bader
So heres a bad idea, lets not put Batman in an episode of BATMAN THE ANIMATED SERIES!! I’m not saying he needs to be in every episode, I’m just saying I would have liked to see him interact with Supergirl. The only episode where we really get the “shared universe” experience and Batman isn’t even around. Kind of a kiddy episode, where Supergirl comes to Gotham to help out Batgirl, after Livewire wreaks some havoc on the city, and semi-teams up with Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn. I feel like this should be lower on my list, because I just don’t think it’s a great episode, I merely ranked it higher, due to the coolness factor or Supergirl being in it, and this being the first episode that we really got the idea of a larger universe. Grade D
“Sure. How hard can it be? Two against one, right?” – Supergirl
81 – Eternal Youth. Season 2, Episode 1. Director: Kevin Altieri, Story: Beth Bernstein
So Poison Ivy turns people into trees……..I can’t even make this stuff up sometimes. She gets all pissy, about some of Gotham’s elite hurting the environment, so she invites them to her “spa” called Eternal Youth, where she feeds them, makes them bathe in this chemical and ultimately sprays them, so they turn into helpless trees. Lucky for Bruce Wayne he ditches the spa retreat but sends Alfred and his friend Maggie instead. They leave the spa, but feel the urge to go back, and when they do, poor Alfie and Maggie get turned into trees. Batman comes and saves the day! This episode isn’t as bad as the premise might suggest, I enjoy episodes that focus a little more on Alfred, because I think BTAS does a fantastic job at portraying the character, and the voice acting is mere perfect. Poison Ivy is so great before the revamp, but I can’t stand her look afterwards, so I can’t even imagine how I would feel about this episode if it came during season 4, it’s the stuff nightmares are made of. Grade C-
“Of course, I have the patience of a redwood.” – Poison Ivy
80 – The Terrible Trio. Season 3, Episode 15. Director: Frank Paur, Story: Alan Burnett
MAAAAN. I have a big love/hate relationship with this episode. I have a feeling people HATE this one. I almost wanted to rank it much higher, I don’t know what it is. The more times I watch the terrible trio, the more I like it. Simply put, three rich brats have done it all in life. So they decide to turn to a life of crime, just for the fun of it, and guess what – they are good at it! Masters of land, sea and air, these guys are friends of Bruce Wayne (shocker!!!) and when things get a little personal, a few of this trio, might start to think they bit off a little more than they can chew. It’s also hilarious how easily it is for Batman to take these clowns down, always makes me laugh! Grade C+
“Because we were good at it!” – Warren Lawford
79 – Terror In The Sky. Season 2, Episode 17. Director: Boyd Kirkland Story: Steve Perry
The Man-Bats back and there’s going to be trouble! Well I guess Woman-Bat, they never really address that situation. I’m a huge fan of this villain and it’s a damn shame he/she are only in two episodes. I’ve always wanted to see this character on the big screen, because even though it’s kind of a B-villain, I just think it would look incredible in live action. So this time it’s Dr. Langstrom’ wife who gets infected and his terrorizing Gotham. Even Batman has a hard time figuring out who this bat is. The biggest downfall for this episode is simply it’s just not as good as the original Man-Bat episode, and it’s not even close, that’s my reasoning for my ranking. Grade C-
“Is this what it’s going to take? Your daughter’s life, before you end this insanity?” – Batman
78 – The Mechanic. Season 2, Episode 27. Director: Kevin Altieri Story: Laren Bright
This is a weird episode. It’s like not bad, but I’ve seen it before, in Batman Returns and it’s way better in live action. So the batmobile gets smashed to shit no thanks to The Penguin, so Batman needs to repair his precious ride. Penguin gets some inside information from a cars part dealer, so he decides to hunt down Batman’s mechanic and sabotage the batmobile. I like the backstory of how Batman and his mechanic came to be, it shows that he enjoys helping out people with big hearts. But it’s like I said, we’ve seen this already, so it’s hard for me to really enjoy this episode. I’ll admit, the first ever batmobile that they show, is so terrible and hilarious and I refuse to believe billionaire Bruce Wayne would ride around in such a piece of crap. Seriously it’s god awful. Grade C-
(See’s the damaged car) “You been letting the kid drive again?” – Earl Cooper
77 – Jokers Wild. Season 2, Episode 13. Director: Boyd Kirkland Story: Paul Dini
Boy, does the Joker ever make it seem easy to escape from Arkham. He does it with so little effort in this episode, that I wonder how he even spends anytime in that place. It’s actually funny, just how terrible the security is, for a place holding the worlds craziest villains. So Cameron Kaiser opens a new casino, and he calls it “Jokers Wild” and well Mr. J isn’t too happy about this, so that’s why he breaks out, so he can go teach this guy a lesson. Here’s the thing, that’s exactly what the guy wants. Talk about a serious mind fuck, but the guy sunk so much money into opening the casino, that he’s broke. So he figures that if he builds it, with a joker theme. The clown prince of crime is bound to show up and destroy the place. Therefore he will collect all the insurance money. Smart guy, but Batman is on to this little scheme and kind of works with The Joker to make sure that doesn’t happen. In the end, Mr J goes back to jail and hopefully they kept him there for more than a few days. Overall not a terrible episode, just not one of the strongest Joker stories. I feel like out of the 20 I’m about to rank, this could end up being the one that is the most mis-ranked. Grade C
“Jumpin’ Jimmy Christmas! It’s a homage to me! I’m kind of sorry I have to blow it up!” – The Joker
76 – Be A Clown. Season 1, Episode 9. Director: Frank Paur Story: Ted Pedersen
The Joker is a clown, and in this one, he pretends to be a clown…….Maybe this should be lower on the list. Now that I’m thinking about this episode, there really isn’t any good stuff to talk about. Mayor Hill is throwing a birthday party for his son. His son wants to be the next great magician, and well Daddy isn’t having any of that nonsense. He bashes Joker on the news, so he decides it’s time to teach him a lesson and plans to bring a pretty big party favour, – a bomb. Of course Bruce Wayne is at the party and saves the day, but not before the mayors son hitches a ride with Joker, obviously not realizing it’s him. Again, just not a great Joker story, there’s a decent part where he traps Batman in a tank full of water, but it’s Batman, of course he gets out!! They fight on a rollercoaster, which is pretty cool I guess, because actually sometimes Joker can go toe-to-toe with Batman, that guy can actually throw some haymakers. Also you know you’re a sick and twisted bastard when you want to go blow up a bunch of kids at a birthday party, man Joker really needed more hugs in his life when he was a child. Grade C
“They don’t make straightjackets like they used to. I should know.” – The Joker
75 – Batgirl Returns. Season 3, Episode 29. Director: Dan Riba Story: Michael Reaves
THIS EPISODE MAKES ME MAD ALRIGHT? This is the very last episode before the animation revamp and it doesn’t even have Batman in it. You heard me, the last episode with the perfect animation and style doesn’t even feature our guy. And guess what? It’s not even a great episode. It also is the last episode before they ruined Batgirl, she sucks in the revamp, THERE I SAID IT! She teams up with Catwoman and Robin and it’s just not a great episode, trying to take down Roland Dagget, who’s finally back and then is gone, vanishes like a fart in the wind. I get so sad everytime I get to the last episode of season 3, because it’s this episode and I know I have to deal with season 4 afterwards. So maybe I’m letting that cloud my judgement, but it’s just not the best episode. I loved Batgirl during season 3, she was almost perfect and again she’s just ruined in season 4, they change her voice and the way she looks and it’s just really upsetting to me. This episode is just really bittersweet. Actually wait, the opening scene of this episode is so incredible, that it makes what follows even worse. I just wish that would of actually been the climax of this one, instead of some fantasy dream of Batgirls. Grade C+
“Bats are just mice with wings, little girl” – Catwoman
74 – P.O.V. Season 1, Episode 7. Director: Kevin Altieri, Story: Mitch Brian
This episode is about a sting gone wrong, and three different stories from three different GCPD officers. Detective Harvey Bullock, Renee Montoya and “Wilkes.” Another character created for the show, Renee Montoya (created by Mitch Brian and Bruce Timm), another foil and thorn in the side of Harvey Bullock and another alley for our Batman. She’s a good cop, who thinks Batman is doing good, and wants to help anyway she can. This is kind of the first episode where you see just how Shady Bullock can be, he’s lying to cover his own ass in this episode. Where all three stories aren’t lying up properly, and Commissioner Gordon doesn’t know who to believe. One of the great things about this show, was its understanding of the need for strong female characters, and Montoya is just that. She’s a strong and brave character and they build her character and her story throughout the series. Overall its a pretty good episode, but we are getting to the point where maybe tomorrow I would rank it 20 spots higher, maybe it’s just the mood I’m in..Grade C
“Freeze maggots, you’re all under arrest!” – Harvey Bullock
73 – The Forgotten. Season 1, Episode 8. Director: Boyd Kirkland, Story: Jules Dennis
Am I the only one who thinks that piece of cartoon chicken looks delicious? Maybe I should have ranked this episode higher because of it. Also I happen to think this man has style, but thats not the purpose of this list now is it! Homeless people are disappearing and the shelter Bruce Wayne volunteers at, even some of its employees have gone missing. So while investigating and going undercover, BOOM! He gets knocked on the head pretty good, and when he recovers, he’s got a case of old bat brain, or well amnesia. See this fat guy up here in this photo is taking them and making them mine for gold. While trying to get his memory back, he meets a few guys, one who happens to work at the same soup kitchen he volunteers at, and still he can’t remember a thing. He can still kick all sorts of ass, but it’s not until a he hears the word “family” when everything comes rushing back. I will admit, this episode has a classic scene in it. When Alfred is flying the Batwing, and he wants it to land, but it’s refusing to, is some of the funniest stuff from the entire show. Batman shows up, saves the day and everyone at the camp, and even gives those two guys proper jobs at Wayne Enterprises. I love happy endings! Grade C
“Land you bucket of bolts!” – Alfred
72 – I’ve Got Batman In My Basement. Season 1, Episode 13. Director: Frank Paur, Story: Sam Graham
Why do I have a funny feeling that everyone hates this episode. You know what. I kind of like it! Wouldn’t it be cool to have Batman hanging out in your basement. Fight he Penguin and drive the batmobile. These are all things I wanted when I was a kid, hell still do today! So Penguin steals a rare jewel and this two kids who want to be detectives happen to stumble upon this. Batman shows up, and he gets gassed, so it’s up to the kids to save the day. They bring Batman home and stash him in their basement. I enjoy this episode, it’s awesome when the kids get their hands on some of Batman’s stuff and fight off Penguin and some of his thugs. I’ve always thought Penguin was done so well in this series, he’s the kind of Penguin I want to see Josh Gad tackle in The Batman! I’m team Josh Gad everyone!!! Grade C-
“Say, Batman, you wouldn’t happen to be single, would you?” – Sherman.
71 – Avatar. Season 3, Episode 13. Director: Kevin Altieri, Story: Michael Reaves
Batman gets bit by a poisonous snake and takes it like a champ!!! That utility belt, it really does have everything. A mystic Egyptian scroll is stolen by Ra’s Al Ghul from a Gotham museum. Ra’s wants to hunt down a sorceress and bring her back to her glory days. See he’s been searching for her, for a very long time. When he arrives, he doesn’t realize what he has unleashed, and she sucks the life from him. It’s up the Batman to stop her, with a little help from his beloved Talia. I like this episode until the end, there’s like this green goo that tries to kill everyone and it’s just super weird. Again after his first appearance, every episode that follows with Ra’s Al Ghul is kind of a letdown, but I will admit, it is pretty awesome when Batman saves Ubu’s life. He is so rattled, yet so grateful, that it makes for a really great scene. Grade C
“You sound like a bad afternoon serial, Ra’s.” – Batman
70 – The Ultimate Thrill. Season 4, Episode 11. Director: Dan Riba, Story: Hilary J. Bader
Okay, I know it’s a cartoon, but this chick was all sorts of horny in this episode! It’s kind of weird, I’m not going to lie to you people, and her name is Roxy Rocket, LIKE COME ON! Once the best stuntwoman in the movie business, Roxanne got board, so she turned to a life of crime, with a twist. She loves adrenaline more than life itself, so all of her crimes are crazy and that’s how she is able to pull them off. Working for Penguin, she soon realizes that maybe she’s not in it for the crime, but rather just the adrenaline itself. This was the first time I ever watched this episode, and I enjoyed it, maybe that’s why its not towards the bottom of the list. It’s nothing special, but when it comes to season 4, there really aren’t too many great episodes to choose from. Grade C-
“You missed your calling, Batman. You should have been in the movies!” – Roxy Rocket
The last episode ever……It features this guy above……..So many emotions, so many problems, just so many questions. REALLY??? That’s how you wanted to end the show, the worst part about season 4, is there is no final episode, no wrapping everything up nicely, NOTHING! Kind of sad, actually it’s really sad. Like being dumped on your birthday sad. So “The Judge” is going around Gotham and dealing his own type of justice to Batman’s rouges gallery. Turns out that this is just Two-Face! He’s some how developed a third personality, and this is him! So he doesn’t know what’s going on, and man does Harvey really have some deep rooted issues. I liked the Judge, don’t get me wrong here, he’s cool and I kind of liked the idea of Two-Face becoming Three-Face, or maybe Tri-Face, either or, I’m in! But the fact that when you pop in season 4, and this is the last episode you watch, it kind of makes season 4 that much more frustrating. I remember the first time I watched this episode, I actually didn’t know who it was going to be, I thought it was probably Joker, but they really pull one over on you! He carries a sword, so he’s kind of a badass! Also, quick rant. I’m pretty sure this episode features the only dialogue from The Riddler in season 4. Can you believe they went 24 episodes and didn’t give that guy one freakin’ episode! What a joke, and he looks awful, he looks like a Conehead…. Grade C
“Hey, diddle diddle, time for a riddle” – The Riddler
68 – Off Balance. Season 2, Episode 22. Director: Kevin Altieri, Story: Len Wein
The introduction to the Al Ghul family!! So Count Vertigo is on the loose, and he’s got some crazy eye piece that makes everyone lose their balance. He steals some important sonic drill, and when Batman goes to investigate he mights some of the Secret Shadow gang, and quickly realizes there is more at play here. There he meets Talia, who actually is the first person in the show to discover Bruce Wayne is Batman, when she needs to take off his mask to clean his wounds. There’s such a great scene in this episode, where Batman and Talia have to walk across a room full of traps, while they are “off balance” and when they reach the other end without a scratch. Talia asks how they did it, and Batman simply tells her, he closed his eyes! Such a badass Batman moment, he let his other senses do all the work, what a genius. In the end Talia turns on Batman, shocker, only to find that Batman had destroyed the drill without her knowing. The ending is pretty cool too, because they set up Ra’s Al Ghul! Grade C+
“One of these days, I’m going to nail his feet to the ground” – Commissioner Gordon
67 – Holiday Knights. Season 4, Episode 1. Director: Dan Riba, Story: Paul Dini
Three Christmas stories in one episode! So we got Clayface running around a mall, and this is by far the worst of the three stories, so I’m not going to talk about it, really that’s all it is. Clayface makes a bunch of kids and has them shoplift, what a waste of 7 minutes. Next is the best, Ivy and Harley team up once more, and this time they take Bruce Wayne and his credit cards hostage. It’s actually a really funny bit, they even think they kill him at one point when they anciently make Bruce Wayne fall down an elevator shaft. They seem sad at first, but realize who they are. Lastly is Joker is going to drop a bomb when the clock strikes midnight on NYE, but not before Batman and Robin can foil his plans. It’s an alright bit, actually this is the first episode of the revamp and they show blood, which they never did before, so I was thrown off the first time watching it. But the best part and one of the best scenes really in the whole show comes at the very end. Batman and Commission Gordon meet for coffee every year after the new year rings in. They sit have a cup of coffee and wish each safety for the next year and hope they will be in the same place a year from now. Batman always bails early, but always pays. What a guy! It’s actually a really touching scene and makes you realize the friendship between these two men, but this one scene alone can’t make it go higher on my list. You can thank the Clayface part for that! Grade C-
“Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! We-we killed him!… Oh well.” Harley Quinn
66 – Make Em Laugh. Season 3, Episode 27. Director: Boyd Kirkland, Story: Paul Dini
Introducing some of Batman’s greatest rogues ever!!! My personal favourite villain of all time, in movies, comics or video games. The Condiment King!!! Kidding guys, but he’s actually pretty jokes, and uses all sorts of food puns, and who doesn’t like a good mustard pun every once and awhile. All Joker wants is to be a funny guy, and when he gets tossed from the Comedians competition, he seeks revenge on the judges. So he steals some microchips from Mad Hatter, and makes these famous comedians commit crazy crimes, and that’s how we get introduced to some of the weirdest villains ever. I don’t know if the year prior, the Joker was in costume or not, and I would love to know if this is part of his origin story kind of. They never really tell you, and that kind of pisses me off! Robin also gets spanked by one of the judges turned bad, and it’s a sight for sore eyes. They really should have put Condiment King in the new Injustice video game! Grade C+
“Now listen Mustard Man, or whatever you call yourself!” – Batman
65 – Joker’s Millions. Season 4, Episode 7. Director: Dan Riba, Story: Paul Dini
So one of Joker’s arch-rivals dies and leaves his entire fortune of 250 million dollars to him. Joker was broke, he had nothing, he even fired Harley Quinn, and when he gets this money and is the happiest guy in Gotham. King Barlowe the man who gave him all this money, well lets just say he got the last laugh on old Mr. J. See most of the money was fake, so now the Joker is in even more trouble, and he’s super pissed. At one point he holds auditions for a new Harley and it’s pretty damn funny. He hires some air head girl who turns out to be a real dud. I feel like this is a well respected episode and people really like it. For me, it just gets a mehhhhh. The new Harley bit is hilarious, but other than that there really isn’t too much to say when it comes to Joker’s Millions. Grade C
“I may be crazy enough to take on Batman, but the IRS? No thank you!” – Joker
Guess what? This episode isn’t that good at all! Guess what again? I happen to really like the villain FireFly, so that’s why I have it so high on my list! The pyro-maniac Garfield Lynns is super pissed about being dumped by his rockstar girlfriend Cassidy. So he decides, hey I’m just going to set you on fire and watch you burn. What a psycho!!! It’s a bad breakup episode, but with fire! Maybe if Maury came on the show, this could have been easily resolved, and you know, without fire and a crazy person. I like FireFly, he’s a unique bad guy, and I really enjoy him in the Arkham games and maybe that is clouding my judgment a bit when it comes to this episode. But another awesome thing with this episode, is we get to see a pretty kickass batsuit at the end of it. So he can take on FireFly, something we never get to see again in the show! So when I really think about it, it’s all not that bad, because that suit is straight fire. Grade C+
“Hey! You’re the expert on burning people, you little tramp!” Garfield Lynns
63 – Paging The Crime Doctor. Season 2, Episode 25. Director: Frank Paur, Story: Mike W. Barr
So Rupert Thorn is kind of fat right? He decides to have himself a little heart attack, and lucky for him, his brother is a doctor. Well used to be, still kind of is I guess. See his brother Matthew Thorn, once was a great doctor but he got his medical license revoked and now is known as the “crime doctor.” He deals with shady people, and criminals and mostly people involved with his brother Rupert, but Matthew can’t do the surgery alone, so he turns to an old friend, Leslie Thompkins. She wants no part in helping, but she must, and when Matthew finds out after the surgery is successful, Rupert planned on having her killed, even he won’t let that happen. Batman is around too, he finds out she’s missing and goes to search for her. You see Matthew is connect to Batman, because he actually went to medical school is Thomas Wayne. This episode does something so special in the last scene. It has one of the best emotional moments in the entire series, everything about it, it’s just perfect. After everything is settled, Bruce Wayne goes to help and talk with Matthew Thorn, and asks him for a favour. Matthew takes this the wrong way and think he wants money, but instead Bruce tells him, he simply wants to know more about his father. He just wants him to tell him what his father is like. The animation of Bruce’s face and you can hear the pain in his voice, Kevin Conroy is brilliant in this scene, all he ever wants is to know as much as he can about his parents. It really is a beautiful moment in Batman mythos, well for me at least. I feel like the more I watch this episode, the more I will come to appreciate all of it and just not that incredible ending. Grade B-
“Your father, God rest him, he called you stubborn from the day you were born. Always used to say you had a hard head. He didn’t know the half of it” – Leslie Thompkins
Another 20 is in the books folks! We are getting there, slowly but surely! Hopefully have part 3 done sometime early next week! Again feel free to comment below on anything I might have missed or if you care to discuss your favourite episodes!
Everyone has their favorite television show; they can be a great place of escapism and can bring hoards of people together. I have fallen in love with many great shows throughout my life; Mad Men, Parks and Recreation, Game of Thrones, Breaking Bad and The Wire but for me one show trumps them all. Batman: The Animated Series, created in 1992 by Bruce Timm and Eric Radomski who at the time were working on Tiny Toones for FOX, Warner Bros. Animation decided it was time to venture into an animated Batman series due to the success of Tim Burton’s Batman movie. They pegged these two to shoot a short pilot episode, which ultimately ended up becoming the opening credits for the show. From the get go this show was praised for its quality of animation, which to this day is still considered to be top notch. The darker tones and overall thematic complexity of the show, which again dealt with some mature situations and subjects for being a kid’s show. It had a very film noir look to it, bullets fly (but they never hit anyone, terrible aim those bad guys!) the villains are out for blood, and in certain episodes a lot is at stake. I know people may think, this is just a cartoon, how can that be? For being a kids cartoon, it certainly has an adult feel to it and it’s one of the main reasons I fell in love with it from the very start. All of that makes the show feel timeless, and again the show was praised for its modernization of its titled character. For me, the thing I love most about this show, aside from the storytelling has to be the cast. The voice acting is some of the best to ever be in animation, and as the casting director Andrea Romano put it, they wanted to cast voices with character. Not just people doing cartoon voices. Kevin Conroy (Bruce Wayne/Batman) and Mark Hamill (The Joker) for me will always be those two iconic characters, and have been providing their voices in animation and video games for almost 30 years now! The show works so well, because in the end it wasn’t made with a younger audience in mind and I think that’s the main reason why I think the show still holds up so well today. Considered to be one of the greatest cartoons ever produced, actually only The Simpsons is held in higher regard. They produced 109 episodes, all unique and special in their own way. This show is responsible for some of the best Batman stories ever told, which is quite the feat, considering you are working with almost 80 years of Batman mythos and history. Batman: The Animated Series is actually responsible for the creation of Harley Quinn, and we can thank one of the shows writers Paul Dini for that. My only gripe with this show was how they changed the animation up after season 3. It never resonated with me, and when I stop and think about it, it honestly makes me angry. I understand why they did it, they wanted to have a more kid friendly show, but it almost ruins the experience. That’s the only problem I’ve ever had with Batman The Animated Series. I have a yearly tradition where I sit back and watch every episode, and I thought this time, I would rank every single one. So that’s exactly what I’m going to do, all the two part episodes will be considered as one, so in total I’ll be ranking 102! This show has a special place in my heart and I consider it to be the greatest representation of The Dark Knight outside of the comic books. So sit back, relax and enjoy this, because I know I’m going to enjoy writing it. I’m going to break it down into 5 parts! Here are the numbers 102-83! The grades don’t reflect the rankings; they are just there so you can get a better sense of the episodes
102- Prophecy of Doom. Season 1, Episode 19 – Director: Frank Paur, Story: Dennis Marks
This guy was the villain of the episode need I say more? Starting off the list was the very forgetful episode, in which we see Batman take down a cult. The Brotherhood is run by the mystic Nostromos who has the ability to “predict the future.” Turns out he’s just a con artist who rigs near fatal accidents so he can warm up to Gotham’s elite and later take their money. One of the few episodes I will actually skip in my yearly run through, it’s just that bad. Grade F
“Do not apologize. She will believe. They all will believe….after the great fall” – Nostromos
101 – The Underdwellers. Season 1, Episode 6 – Director: Frank Paur, Story: Tom Ruegger
Batman wrestles a few alligators in this one, and that’s the only highlight or memorable moment. Premise on the other hand, it deals with some wackjob taking kids underground and essentially make them his servants. They go up to the streets of Gotham at night and rob its citizens, when one of them gets taken away by Batman, he brings him home to Alfred to care for the boy. Early on in the series, the show was still trying to get its feet wet. I just can’t take an episode seriously when the episodes villain was the Sewer King… Grade F
“You play chicken long enough, you fry” – Batman
100 – Critters. Season 4 , Episode 14. Director: Dan Riba, Story: Steve Gerber
So when a farmer goes crazy, I guess it’s up to Batman to stop him. Farmer Brown is his name, and after his failed attempt at creating bigger livestock, he becomes the laughing stock of Gotham, which leads to him losing all of his money. A year later, Gotham City is terrorized by giant animals and bugs. Farmer Brown plans to fire a rocket with all these “critters” into Gotham and watch it fall apart. All I can really do is shake my head at this episode, like this isn’t Batman, not at all. Just one of the many horrible episodes from season 4. Batman vs. a couple of hillbillies, come on Warner Bros. you can do better. Grade F
“That’s a lot of bull” – Tim Drake
99 – Mean Seasons: Season 4, Episode 13. Director: Hiroyuki Aoyama, Story: Rich Fogel
Honestly, it’s like they weren’t even trying for parts of season 4. Look out folks, Calender Girl is on the loose!! Some has been actress is kidnapping the people responsible for her apparent “botched” surgeries. Turning the dirty 30, once the brightest star of the film industry, now just a thing of the past. These botched surgeries aren’t true, she’s still the same beautiful woman she’s always been, but she cannot see that anymore. She just sees her flaws. Another painful episode to sit all the way through, because there’s just nothing exciting happening what’s so ever. Like one of her henchmen is a knock off Fabio, give me a break…. Grade F
“Beware the Ides of March!” – Calender Girl
98 -Cat Scratch Fever: Season 2. Episode 8. Director: Boyd Kirkland, Story: Sean Catharine Derek
Stray cats, this episode is about stray cats…. I might as well just end this review right now. Roland Dagget is planning on using the stray cats of Gotham and infecting them with a new viral plague. He will be the only person with the means to cure this new disease, for a quick and easy money grab. So When Isis goes missing (not that Isis, Catwoman’s cat) she investigates the matter and stumbles upon his scheme. When she becomes infected herself, it’s up to her beau Batman to save the day. Grade F
“Tonight on the news they called you a hero. You keep this up and they’ll start making Catwoman dolls” – Maven
97 – Beware The Creeper: Season 4, Episode 23. Director: Dan Riba, Story: Rich Fogel.
A knockoff Joker, in an episode with the Joker. News reporter Jack Ryder, falls into the same vat of chemicals that made the Joker who he is. But Jack was also covered in Joker’s laughing gas, makes for a weird combination. We get The Creeper out of it, all I can say is wow. Pretty much just a horny Joker, I’m not even kidding. They leave the episode open-ended and that’s the worst part, because as an audience we never get to see The Creeper again. So that makes it even worse, just another terrible villain season 4 managed to pump out. Grade D
“They call me, Yellow-Skinned Wacky Man!” – The Creeper
96 -Birds of A Feather. Season 2, Episode 19. Director: Frank Paur, Story: Chuck Menville
I feel like people might enjoy this episode much more than I do. Penguin gets out of the slammer and still thinks he’s high society. Until no one comes to pick him up or throw him an extravagant party for his return. Veronica Vreeland is also feeling the heat with her recent struggles to throw a great party. So she whips up the idea to invite the Peguin to her next bash. It works to perfection, actually too good, because the bird starts to fall for Ms. Vreeland. It’s not until he overhears her telling someone she’s just using him, that everything goes to complete crap. The Peguin is usually involved in great episodes, but this is by far the worst. Just rich snobs being rich snobs. Grade D+
“I guess what they say is true: society is to blame. High society” – The Penguin.
95 – Showdown. Season 3, Episode 22. Director: Kevin Altieri, Story: Kevin Altieri.
Again another episode that I think would be higher on other people’s lists. It involves Jonah Hex, and this episode just never clicked with me. I’ve never liked it, maybe it’s because I’m salty about this being the last episode we get to see Ra’s Al Ghul and he is completely WASTED! One of my favourite villains from the whole show, and this was his swan song, honestly it’s somewhat heart breaking when you think about it. He tells this story to Batman about Jonah Hex and how his son, who is part of the story as well is still alive today. He was also exposed to the Lazarus Pits and is very old. So when Batman finds him at a retirement home and they chase them to the nearby airport, Batman actually lets him walk free. Shows that deep down Batman actually has some feelings. Fun fact about his episode though, Robin straight up dick punches a guy, the one and only punch of its kind in the show! Grade D
“Come now detective, I still have a few good years left. We will cross swords another day” – Ra’s Al Ghul
94 – Love Is A Croc. Season 4, Episode 9. Director: Butch Lukic, Story: Steve Gerber.
Okay, quick rant before I breifly talk about this episode. How bad does Croc look in the new animation style? My god, it’s painful, he looks so bad and they even changed his voice and the new guy just sucks. He was so good in the first three seasons and they completely ruined him and made him be involved in this putrid episode. Baby Doll is back (yay – that’s sarcasm) she feels for Croc for being an outsider, as she’s always felt that way. So they team up and become a common law couple and live in the sewers and the whole thing is just a disaster and it turns out chicks dig guys who look like crocodiles, who knew. Just the weirdest pairing of two rogues from Batman’s famous gallery that I can remember and truthfully it just didn’t work out. Croc straight up beats Baby Doll also, which I found to be a little disturbing. Grade F
“Ordinarily, I don’t approve of spanking but in her case…” – Batgirl
93 – The Demon Within. Season 4, Episode 18. Director: Atsuko Tanaka, Story: Rusti Bjornhoel
Without question one of the weirdest most out of place episodes. When you compare it to all other episodes, it just feels so out of place, so far from the realm of what the original feel of the show was. Also they have the creepiest villain, Klarion the Witch Boy, who possesses Jason Blood’s alter ego Etrigan the Demon. I know that was a mouthful to take in. I don’t even know what I’m talking about when it comes to this episode. It’s weird and certainly not the BTAS I grew to love. Grade D
“Whoa! So all of this is what I think it is, right? Magic? Sorcery?” – Tim Drake.
92 – The Lion and The Unicorn. Season 3, Episode 21. Director: Boyd Kirkland, Story: Diane Duane
A call back to British spy films – this episode focuses on Alfred. When he gets a mysterious phone call from his “cousin” Alfred drops everything at Wayne Manor and heads across the pond to London. I really try to like this episode but I can never really get into it. The one thing, I do enjoy though, is how they dive into Alfred’s past. Even Dick doesn’t know about how much of a badass Alfred used to be back in the day working as a British government spy. His cousin, who turns out to be his old partner and Alfred have the secret launch codes for a nuclear mission silo. They showcase his skills throughout the episode, but it’s biggest downfall has to be having Red Claw. She’s a terrible villain and we never really get to understand why she’s a terrorist or why she does the things she does. Her voice is also incredibly annoying. Grade D-
“There’s only one London Master Bruce” – Alfred
91 – Moon of The Wolf. Season 2, Episode 15. Director: Dick Sebast, Story: Len Wein
So this episode is hilariously bad, but I don’t hate it as strongly now as the first few times I watched it. It kind of grows on you to be honest, but that doesn’t excuse it from being laughable. Batman is suppose to be the worlds greatest detective, yet he thinks this werewolf is just a mugger in a mask. I don’t like when the writing dumbs down our Batman and makes it appear that he’s not so smart. Anthony Romulus was a star athlete, but wanted to be the very best. So he’s offered a chance of a lifetime, to experiment with a new drug provided by Dr. Milo. Turns out that there’s some timber wolf estrogen in the steroids, so it ultimately turns him into this wolf man. Just a classic filler episode, with little to no story, and just making Batman seem weak and stupid at times. Bruce Tinm once said that it was a “Tuesday” episode. Whatever that means. Grade D
“Do me a favour, Shaggy!” – Batman
90 – Tyger, Tyger. Season 2, Episode 14. Director: Frank Paur, Story: Michael Reaves
I don’t know what the producers of this show were thinking when it comes to Catwomans story arc. She’s such an incredible character, yet she’s apart of some of the most bizarre and quite frankly some of the worst episodes. Like she gets turned into a cat this episode… that’s right. Dr. Dorian has other pet projects, a giant ape like man, and Tygrus. Another giant cat, Tygrus serves as another love interest for Selina Kyle in this episode, and it makes the whole thing even stranger. She has such a complex relationship with our hero, and that’s kind of explored, but she’s just always part of some half-assed story. We just never get that great Batman/Catwoman story, like again SHE GETS TURNED INTO AN ACTUAL CAT. Grade D+
“Tyger, Tyger, burning bright. In the forests of the night. What immortal hand or eye. Could frame thy fearful symmetry?” – Batman
89 – Chemisty. Season 4, Episode 22. Director: Butch Lukic, Story: Stan Berkowitz
Another fine example of the writers making our Caped Crusader look kind of stupid. Bruce magically falls for a women and decides pretty easily that it’s time to hang up the cape and cowl for good. Really Batman? Just like that, regardless if she is the one, something seems off and Batman really doesn’t take notice, until it’s almost too late. Susan is her name, well that’s the name Poison Ivy gives her, see she’s one of her newest creations. Where she makes the perfect match for the wealthy of Gotham and poor Bruce can do nothing to stop the affection he has for dear old Susan. I just could never believe Bruce Wayne would fall that hard for someone, even if it’s out of his control somehow. He’s Batman, his mind control is like no other, and the fact that they just make him seem pretty weak and stupid in this episode bothers me a bit. Grade D +
“Everything’s changed for me in the past few weeks. The pain of my parents deaths…it’s still there, but it seems smaller” – Bruce Wayne
88 – The Cult of The Cat. Season 4, Episode 15. Director: Butch Lukic, Story: Stan Berkowitz
Another episode involving cats….I get it, she’s Catwoman and all but come on. Some original ideas would be nice. Here we find Selina stealing a rare cat statue from a cult, to only find out she has a lot in common with these people. Like a lot of episodes in the final season, we see Batman square off against larger than life animals, this time around it’s a saber-toothed cat. For this being the last time we ever get to see her in the animated series, it was just overall a lacklustre episode to say the least. In the end we realize that no matter how much Selina loves Batman, her true loves lies with her cats and well stolen jewellery. As we see her living in Paris, with those two things I just mentioned. Grade D+
“You can’t get rid of them. They are like old boyfriends. Or warts.” – Catwoman.
87 – Cold Comfort. Season 4, Episode 3. Director: Dan Riba, Story: Hilary J. Bader
Remember when Paul Dini came up with the idea that Mr. Freeze shouldn’t be a joke anymore. That they created one of the best Batman stories ever told with “Heart of Ice” which we will get too later. Mr. Freeze is one of the more sympathetic characters in the animated series, he’s lost all emotion, and you feel for the guy after he loses his wife to a rare disease (Well she’s frozen, but you knew that already!). That being said, this character probably gets the biggest change in the animation revamp and I HATE IT. He was literally perfect in the few episodes he appeared in with the old animation style, and now he just looks stupid. On top of that, he’s just a head, just a human head now, with a robot body, are you kidding me? They ruined his character completely, and the only saving grace is that they didn’t change his voice actor (Michael Ansara) who does such a terrific job at portraying this heart broken and completely loss man. This episode deals with Freeze being pissed off after his now cured wife has moved on with her life and she has remarried, so he’s going around Gotham destroying a bunch of things. Move on buddy and find another gal, I guess that’s hard to do though, when you are just a head I guess. He’s even got two stupid lady sidekicks and the whole thing makes me mad, so I’m going to stop writing now. Grade D
“You don’t have to do this. Wayne Enterprises helped save your wife’s life, and we can help you” – Bruce Wayne
86 -Animal Act. Season 4, Episode 16. Director: Curt Geda, Story: Hilary J. Bader
Man I don’t know who Mad Hatter pissed off, but wow, just wow. Mad Hatter is a terrific villain, and is feature in some of the best episodes this show has to offer. Why on Earth is this his last appearance? Why did they make him take control of circus animals as his final insane plot? So Robin’s old circus is back in town, and just like that, crazy robberies involving animals is going on in Gotham. This is straight up one of the more childish episodes we ever see. Not a single dark tone, or adult vibe to it, and that was the big concern for the revamp. I hate to throw people under the bus, but Hilary J. Bader is responsible for writing some of the worst and more immature episodes ever. For having Dick Grayson re-visit the place where he lost everything, you would think this episode would pack a little bit more of an emotional punch, No! Talk about a missed opportunity, and for a life long Batman fan, thats something us fans want to see. Grade D-
“You sure it’s locked this time? We’ve got enough yahoos running around this city without having to deal with Yogi and Boo-Boo too.” – Harvey Bullock
85 – Double Talk. Season 4, Episode 4. Director: Curt Geda, Story: Robert Goodman
The good old Ventriloquist, another great villain ruined by the revamp. Yes, he’s a little strange, but that’s the best part about him. I don’t mind that its a puppet, and to be honest it’s kind of scary that a man can get to be that insane. So Arnold Wesker is out of jail and got a sweet hook up by Bruce Wayne himself to start working at Wayne Enterprises. He’s “cured” of his aliment of being control by his other half Scarface. Well little does he know that’s not the case, and he plans a little robbery at his newly acquired workplace. Just not a great episode, they made Arnold look like a low budget grown up Charlie Brown. They even made Scarface look worse and he’s a puppet, just so not cool Warner Bros. animation. Grade D
“He’s not coming back! He’s gone!” – Arnold Wesker
84 – The Worry Men. Season 3, Episode 9. Director: Frank Paur, Story: Paul Dini
Veronica Vreeland, one of Gotham’s rich girls heads overseas for a vacation and comes back with some little dolls. These dolls are suppose to take away all of your worries. When she was in Central America, these dolls according to legend were put under your pillow at night, they would take away your worries for you. Little did she know, each doll had a tiny microchip placed inside by the Mad Hatter, and he was making the wealthy give him all of their money. Sneaky guy that Mad Hatter, I’ll give him props for the genius scheme, but the episode just kind of falls flat, and I want to like this episode every time I watch it, I just can’t AND I DON’T KNOW WHY!!!! Grade C-
“As the great Lewis Carrol himself once said, ‘One, two, one, two, through and through. And then the rope went snicker-snack. He left it dead and with its head, he went galloping back!” – Dr. Jervis Tetch/Mad Hatter
83 – Baby Doll. Season 3, Episode 20. Director: Dan Riba, Story: Paul Dini
I need to say this first. I don’t hate this episode, any episode written by Paul Dini isn’t bad. I understand the meaning behind it and why some people think this episode is freaking genius and really good. I feel that way about it too. The emotional punch and baggage that come along with this episode is pretty haunting. It’s different and unique and I totally understand that part. For me, it always boils down to the fact, that I just can’t ever picture Batman running around Gotham chasing a little girl. Yes I know, she’s actually 30 and she’s born with a rare disease that makes her not age or grow. But there’s something about Batman, the freaking Dark Knight chasing this little girl and I just laugh, because that just doesn’t happen, or maybe that’s just me? Baby Doll a once bright star, had herself a hit TV show, until well someone stole the spotlight from her, and when that happened, Baby Doll got super upset. She tried other methods of acting, but nothing worked, so her career ended pretty quickly. 10 years later she’s out for revenge, and starts kidnapping all her ex cast-mates, and well essentially wants to kill them all. I’ll admit the last few minutes of this episode are spectacular but that can’t justify putting it higher on the list. Baby Doll just never clicked with me as a villain. Grade C+
“Remember that time when Poison Ivy nearly smothered us in those vines?” – Robin
Well there you have it, the first 20 episodes are in the books! That took a lot longer than I expected, so hopefully the next part will be ready in the next week! Please feel free to leave a comment and let me know how you feel about my rankings!
Matthew McConaughey honestly looks to be the nicest villain in movie history.
The Dark Tower, something I really know nothing about. I know it’s based off the much beloved Stephen King novel. I know it’s coming out August 4th this summer and I know it stars a couple of real gems in McConaughey and Idris Elba. So when the trailer popped up online this morning I was pleasantly surprised at what I saw. After reading some of the Youtube comments, it looks like the books snobs will be out in full force for this one.
Idris Elba is some sort of gunslinger and it’s up to him to save both his world and ours. McConaughey looks to be playing “The Man In Black” who is trying to destroy both worlds. Honestly from what I saw from this trailer the action looks to be pretty dope. They really came up with some unique ways to reload your gun, and this being based off a Stephen King novel I expect a great story full of twists and turns. I’ve always felt that Idris Elba hasn’t got his just dessert yet, he’s such a talented actor, but hasn’t really been the lead in a big Hollywood blockbuster. Well this looks to be his chance, and I couldn’t be happier for the guy. I just hope this doesn’t turn out to be like The Lone Ranger.
Now for McConaughey. I’m not sure if I’m buying him as a bad dude. Like he’s never done that before and it just seems off putting. Mostly because he didn’t really change for it, he’s still talking like he always does, and I just wish either his voice would have been different or his appearance. Because when I saw this movie was coming out I didn’t know he was going to play the films baddie until I saw the trailer. So hopefully the man proves me wrong, it’s not like the man can’t act. So PROVE ME WRONG MATTHEW.
All in all this movie looks cool and it seems like a cool new universe to be a part of. With a stellar cast and some cool looking visuals I can get on board with this. It could be the last good movie of the Summer with an August release date. In the mean time I might get my hands on the book so I can march with those book snobs come August!
Check ya later.
Imagine getting 40K for shaving your head, well Sigourney Weaver did.
Quick note, I watched the assembly cut for this movie, its much better than the theatrical release.
Talk about studio interference. There is a lot of backstory when it comes to Alien 3. The legendary David Fincher directorial debut back in 1992. To this very day Fincher has a hard time talking about this project and rarely does so. In fact there was so much studio interference in the making of Alien 3, which they spent roughly 13 million dollars on 10 separate writers before finally locking down a final draft for the movie. After the massive success of James Cameron’s Aliens, FOX wanted to cash in on this mega franchise and thought they needed another Alien movie a.s.a.p. So after all sorts of re-writes, some involving Ripley – some not. A draft even involved Hicks and Bishop to be the main characters while Ripley would be in a coma for the majority of the movie. To many cooks in the kitchen can best describe Alien 3. The studio could never figure out what exactly they wanted and little did they know they had a master craft of a director at the helm, who had a vision and could never fully let it be played out.
So Alien 3 takes place right after the events of Aliens, we have our three survivors in their stasis pods in hyper sleep. When an egg is onboard their ship, it crash lands on “Fury 161” a wasteland of a planet, home to an all male prison facility. Right off the bat, fans were not happy, because they killed off both Newt and Hicks. We had come to love these characters in Aliens, and Ripley finally had a sense of happiness and somewhat of a family. That was taken away so quickly in this movie, so Ripley goes to sleep at the end of Aliens the happiest she’s ever been, to waking up and realizing her whole world has been turned upside down. Personally I wanted to see the characters of Hicks and Newt explored more and was bummed out the first time watching this, and finding out they won’t be a part of this continuing journey that we see Ripley go on. The biggest change we see Ripley go through is the fact that Sigourney Weaver shaved her head for this role. I like it, it works for the movie, and everyone at the prison is bald, because they have a lice problem. I’ll give it to Sigourney she pulls off the look. One other thing about Sigourney Weaver, she was nominated for an Oscar for her work in Aliens, so let’s just say she went into Alien 3 with some clout. Not saying that’s a bad thing, but when you have clout, it can go a long way. With that, she didn’t want any guns in this movie, she is very anti-gun, so that was one of her stipulations, and FOX agreed to meet that demand. Because a big plot hole of Alien 3, is that they are located at a maximum-security prison but have no weapons and I always found that to be odd.
So Ripley finds herself surrounded by killers and rapists, but is never intimidated or scared. Again it’s Ripley she’s a total badass and doesn’t back down. Dillon (Charles S Dutton) is the leader of these guys; he’s a believer and very religious man. One of the biggest themes of the movie is religion and about finding God. They were all once terrible men, but now they believe they can make peace with God and still be accepted into heaven when they are dead. Charles S. Dutton is just spectacular; actually all around the acting is top notch. Sometimes it’s hard to work with such a poor script, so everyone is really doing the best work they can with the material provided. Dillon gives some incredible speeches throughout the movie, and for me, he’s one of them most memorable characters in the alien universe. The guy fights one with his bare hands, he’s just got a real hard attitude and Charles S. Dutton, did a bang up job portraying this guy. Ripley finds herself nestling up to the medical doctor Clemons (Charles Dance) as she needed some sort of comfort after everything she had been through. I enjoyed seeing their relationship grow, but again whenever something good comes along in her life, it fades even quicker. Clemons doesn’t stick around too long, again I would have liked to see him survive a bit longer or even till the very end. Charles Dance is a phenomenal actor, and they didn’t use this man properly in Alien 3. The other inmate worth mentioning is actually the lone survivor of the movie, Morse (Danny Webb) and I friggin love this guy. He serves as the comic relief for this movie. The inmates, especially Morse, don’t care for Ripley all that much and treat her poorly. Some even try to rape her during the movie, but when things start to go to shit, Ripley steps up and the inmates realize how strong and courageous this woman really is. Especially Morse, when she saves him during the final act of the movie.
So when a face-bigger attaches itself onto an Ox, a new breed of Xenomorph is born. Something that Ripley has never seen before and it’s stalking the prisoners one by one. With no weapons to kill, what the prisoners call “the beast” they all have to come together and think of a way to get rid of it. When Ripley finds out that she has one inside of her and not only that but a queen. She realizes that things just got serious, when her ex employer wants to take the creature out of her and study it. The tone of Alien 3 is a bit iffy, it wants to be suspenseful like Alien, but also give us some action like we saw in Aliens. The effects in this movie are not the best in the franchise. Considering this came out after Alien and Aliens, you would imagine this would have the best effects of the three. That’s not the case, I’m not saying they are bad, but they simply just don’t hold up the way the other two films do. The Xenomorph itself at times looks great, when you can tell it’s being done practically, but when it’s not, it can be a bit messy at times. Fincher used the POV shot of the alien running a lot in the third act of the movie, it’s a cool effect but its a tad overused.
Here are my final thoughts on the movie. This movie is really only hated or loved. There really isn’t a middle ground for Alien 3. I feel that it’s so hard to try and compare it with what came before it, because both of those movies are masterpieces. So you have to look at this movie with those in the back of your mind, and just take it for what it is. Remember, there was so much interference with this movie, that it’s hard to tell what David Fincher ultimately wanted to accomplish, and I can’t even begin to imagine what working on a big budget movie like this would be like, let alone having hundreds of people breathing down your neck, or questioning every little decision you make. I love the last 45 minutes, it’s some of m favorite alien stuff, and I’m on the side of people who love this movie. I feel like maybe over time, more people will come to the idea of liking it the way I do. Appreciating it for the way I do, and understanding that this isn’t a perfect movie, and understanding that so much stuff was happening behind the scenes, and Fincher has gone on to make some incredible films. If you look up interviews of him talking about this movie, good luck because they are super rare. When he does talk about it, you can see how much it pains him, because he had a vision for what he wanted this movie to be and it never got to happen, and being a film maker that is probably their biggest fear. This was the last great alien movie, okay until Prometheus, but that took almost 20 years to happen, so enjoy this movie for what it is, because I know I do.