Remember that time Michael Jordan punched Steve Kerr in practice and it’s like a legend as old as time itself. Well Bobby “Rigor Mortis” Portis left teammate Nikola Mirotic in the hospital after an “altercation” in practice. That must have truly been a great momma joke, because Mirotic suffered two broken bones in his face and a concussion. And who says there’s no fighting in basketball? News of this broke a mere hour before the NBA tip-off, starting the highly anticipated 2017-2018 NBA season. Good news for Raptor fans who play the Bulls in their home opener Thursday night at the ACC – looks like an easy win if you ask me. Oh who am I kidding? The Raptors always lose to the Bulls, so look for them to blow this one somehow. I did see a great article that was titled “Portis is looking to do whatever it takes to start” he wasn’t kidding.
Cavs vs. Celtics
It started off great and then OH MY GOD. Why, why did this have to happened? Gordon Hayward suffers one of the worst injuries I’ve ever seen in my entire life. I was almost brought to tears because in that moment everyone felt for him. There were no teams no favourite players, just feelings for a guy who just broke is leg on national television, 6 minutes into his first game with the Boston Celtics. The Celtics were looking like a real contender and everyone wanted to see this exact showdown in the playoffs. I feel for him, but he will bounce back stronger and better than ever. Kobe had a great piece on instagram about it – it was really touching. As for the game, Jaylon Brown and JaysonTatum looked really solid last night and Boston will still be a top tier team in the East. Boston lost by 3 with Kyrie missing a 3 at the buzzer to tie it up. I think the Cavs will really start cooking once their roster gels, they added 7 new guys and I think if Wade and Rose stay healthy and have it come playoffs, this will be a really good team. LeBron is going to new heights this season, I can feel it. One thing is certain, to all my friends out there, can we please start doing an intricate handshake. These guys make it look so easy and cool. LeBron also had a massive stat line and then had a 40 minute post game work out – what a guy.
Rockets vs. Warriors
The Warriors aren’t fun to watch anymore. What’s fun though is watching Swaggy P hit none stop 3s. He might hit more than Steph this year. Bold precdiciton but why not. Chris Paul kind of looked out of place a bit I’m not going to lie. Oh yeah I live on the East coast. This game started at 11:12pm. I passed out at half. But the rockets won after KDs game winning shot didn’t count. Take that snake!
If you’re reading this, I’ve stared a podcast called Untitled about basketball and everything else I love about life. We recorded our first episode last week! I’ll leave a link down below, it’s up on SoundCloud!
Not even The Rock or slow motion boobs, could save this heaping pile of hot garbage. What this movie needs, is a life jacket…
Remember back in 2014, when 22 Jump Street hit theatres? Remember the running joke throughout the movie, where they insisted “to just do the exact same thing as last time?” Going into Seth Gordon’s Baywatch, I honestly thought it would be, The Rock + some boobs + the beach, and hopefully a 21/22 Jump Street vibe. Well we got Dwayne Johnson, that much is for certain, but everything else, not so much. I can’t begin to describe the utter mess this movie was. My god, just DO THE SAME THING JUMP STREET DID! Before I go on a tirade, I will say this, I’ll give the actors in this movie a lot of credit, they did what they could with the material they were given. It seems like they really had a lot of fun making Baywatch and seem to come together as a cast. The chemistry is terrific between these people, especially Dwayne and Zac Efron, but that really is the only good takeaway I had. It feels like Dwayne Johnson really mailed this one in folks, it’s a shame, because he still remains the most likeable movie star and person on planet Earth.
Our story is pretty simple, Baywatch is a sinking ship, getting no money from the city and people are finding it harder to trust them to do their job properly. Leader of Baywatch, Mitch Buchannon (Dwayne Johnson) thinks that the city not only needs the watch, but they are doing a great job. When the head of Baywatch thinks they need a promotional boost and need to spice things up, he brings in outsider and two time Olympic Gold medal winner Matt Brody (Zac Efron). Joining Buchannon on his team, is CJ (Kelly Rohrbach 🚀🚀🚀) and Stephanie (Ilfenesh Hadera). It’s summer time and that means they are looking for new recruits, when Brody joins the team so does two new comers, Summer (Alexandra Daddario 🚀🚀🚀) and Ronnie (Jon Bass). Like I said above, this movies problem is not the cast, in fact I thought they all had such terriffic chemistry and worked really well together. It was pretty obvious from the very get-go, that Ronnie’s character was written and suppose to be Josh Gad. Jon Bass was okay, but that’s what I was thinking the entire time the movie went on, maybe he had a scheduling conflict, or read the script and bailed. When the team discovers that drugs are being smuggled into the city, they suspect it’s the head of the country club, Victoria Leeds (Priyanka Chopra). Brody thinks that this is a job for the police and refuses to help at first, thinking that being apart of Baywatch is just making sure people put on sunscreen and saving people from ocassionally drowning. Honestly not a whole lot happens throughout the movie, considering it almost clocks in at 2 hours, just a lot of filler. Mitch wants Brody to be a team player, and believe that being part of Baywatch is more than being a lifeguard.
I understand this movie is based off the 90’s TV show, which was cheesy and kind of silly all on its own, so they needed a little revamp for the movie. Making it a raunchy rated R comedy really didn’t do it any favours. I was sitting in a decently crowded theatre and well no one was laughing…….Maybe here or there, but every joke was falling flat. Not good, considering this is a comedy. I’m all for a great dick joke, in fact I enjoy a good dick joke, but my god, I think 45 percent of the jokes in this movie were dick jokes. There’s even a real human dick in this movie. That’s never a good thing, especially when they are just limp, and not hitting. (dick joke!) Going in, I thought this was going to be a really funny movie, Dwayne Johnson can be really funny, but it just seemed like he mailed this one in big time. Actually I know he did, because there’s a 20 minute stretch where he’s just not in the movie. His heart just wasn’t in this one I don’t think, I know he’s a busy guy, but being gone for the majority of the third act is just never a good sign. I will say this about the movie, remember in Batman & Robin when all Arnold Schwarzenegger did was speak in ice puns? Well Dwayne Johnson really only speaks in ocean puns in this. I swear to god, he even blurts out “I’m oceanic mother fucker!” towards the end! What is that nonsense!? That’s all I could think of, was Mr. Freeze and how on Earth he agreed to this script. Still with all that being said, you loved his character, you were rooting for Mitch the entire movie, because it just goes to show, that people will literally watch anything with Dwayne Johnson in it. Here’s another thing, we had two cameos from the TV show, David Hasselhoof and Pamela Anderson, who actually doesn’t speak a word of dialogue which I found amussing. Here’s the kicker, so Hasselhoff is known as “the mentor” but his name is Mitch Buchannon, Dwayne Johnson’s name is Mitch Buchannon, and this movie takes place in the same universe as the television show. How is that possible? There’s just no way they have the same name, these are the little things that pissed me off while I watched the movie. There’s a little scene at the end, where Hoff asks if he will be in the sequel, sorry but there isn’t going to be any sequel my man (this movie bombed).
So I knew this movie was going to be hot garbage almost immediately. The movie opens and we see Mitch running to go save someone, and when he pops out of the water with the person in his arms, BAYWATCH rises from the water and we also see dolphins dancing and doing flips in the background. It was so fake and cheesy that it just set the tone of the movie. That and the first lines of dialogue spoken need “subtitles” because they are like speaking in surfer. Baywatch tries hard to be cool, and it makes it less cool, they were one strapping it the entire time and we all know, it’s now cool to two strap it. Also, the effects and CGI in this are laughable, there’s a scene where a boat is on fire, and it’s the fakest looking fire I’ve ever seen. Like spend some money on these sorts of things, it makes the movie look even worse. That and they green-screened parts of the movie, where literally they are just on a boat in the water. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!! You couldn’t even be on a boat, in the actual water? It’s a joke, like it has to be a joke, right? Things like this don’t usually bother me, but the amount of edits that were happening in certain scenes, was incredible. I don’t usually notice this, because well I mostly watch good movies, but it was sticking out like a sore thumb, just overall terrible film making. Sometimes I can never understand how these things get made, I know, it’s got the worlds biggest movie star, but a little more effort would be appreciated. Oh, and they totally waste a perfectly good funny human being; Hannibal Buress. He doesn’t have anything funny to say, and he’s barley in it. He’s one of the funniest guys around right now and you completely wasted him, the movie needed more Hannibal. Speaking of being wasted, the talented Alexandra Daddario is pretty much in this movie to stand around and give reaction shots and facial expressions. They don’t give her anything to do, or funny to say, she’s just there. Kind of disappointing if you ask me, because she deserves better. One tiny bright spot, Yahya Abdul-Manteen who’s playing Black Manta (one of the coolest villains ever) in Aquaman was really funny in this. So that gave me even more hope for Aquaman and I think he’s going to rock it in that role!
Overall Baywatch is just a mess. It has some of the worst writing for a summer blockbuster in a long time. This honestly felt like a Michael Bay movie, and I happen to think he can put out some good movies. The whole movie was just so predictable and I can’t even really remember one memorable moment, that didn’t invoke some sort of dick joke. They really messed this up, because with a great cast, this had success written all over it. Now I don’t see another coming, unless they really make good money overseas, but I highly doubt that. I wanna see Zac Efron in more things, he’s actually really funny and always finds a way to have great chemistry with his co-stars. I just hope this isn’t a sign of things to come with other properties Dwayne Johnson is rebooting, like Jumanji and Rampage. This summer movie season has kind of been a bummer so far, it’s making me sad. The only positive that comes from this, Zac has motivated me to get a real nice summer bod, so thanks for that Zac.
“Sometimes, old friend, I wonder if I’m really doing any good out there”
Let us keep this party going! We’re almost in the top 50 here folks! Hopefully you have enjoyed reading this so far, and are coming back to each part! Here are numbers 62-43!
62 – The Last Laugh. Season 1, Episode 4. Director: Kevin Altieri, Story: Carl Swenson
It’s April Fools Day in Gotham, and you know what that means. Joker is going to try and kill a bunch of people, by making them laugh to death! Talk about a punch line! It’s got one of the greatest April Fools jokes ever, remember when Alfred “drew Batman a bath” and shows him a picture of a bathtub, classic Alfie! But when poor old Alfie gets infected by this laughing gas, Batman has a little more incentive to stop Joker. It’s weird, but I really dig the background music in this episode, it’s pretty catchy, and overall it’s a great Joker story. It’s got a giant clown robot that Batman fights, and just a boatload of puns, and who doesn’t enjoy a good pun. It’s even got Batman smiling and cracking jokes, and that is a super rare thing to come across. Seriously though, look at Batman in that picture, isn’t it adorable!!! Grade C+
“Oh, that’s a joke, right? Batman finally told a joke!” – The Joker
61 – Lock Up. Season 3, Episode 26. Director: Dan Riba, Story: Paul Dini
Lyle Bolton is his name, get it BOLT-ON, and his alter ego is Lock Up. Wow, I don’t know if that’s extremely clever or corny. This guy is a grade A psycho, I’ll tell you that much. See Lyle was a prison guard, one of the best, but he wanted more, he wanted the prisoners to fear him, and he felt like they were all the scum of the Earth. When the inmates complained, they get Lyle fired, and boy does he not take that lying down. Some time passes and he is now, Lock Up, and is kidnapping some of Gotham’s finest (Summer Gleeson, Commissioner Gordon, Mayor Hill) and wants to punish them for creating a poor justice system. He’s even got some cool lock gadgets that are pretty handy. I kind of wish this guy was in more episodes, he’s huge and pretty damn smart, but when he gets stopped by Batman in the end, since he’s so psychotic, he can now watch all the criminals inside Arkham. Maybe this guy is just a pure genius who knows! Grade C+
“Just what this town needs, another psycho in a Halloween costume.” – Harvey Bullock
60 – Fire From Olympus. Season 3, Episode 7. Director: Dan Riba, Story: Judith & Garfield Reeves-Stevens
Maxie Zeus, just another wack job in Gotham. See he believes he is the reincarnation of Zeus himself, and thinks he can wield thunder bolts. When he wants to steal an experimental weapon from Gotham and use it to destroy the city. I’ll admit, if I did these rankings years ago, this might be a bottom 10 episode, but there’s something about it. It grows on me with each new watch, and I don’t know if its because I’ve come to know the character more, or because I’m realizing it’s actually just a great episode. The ending of this one, when Zeus is being taken through Arkham and he’s comparing all the rogues to well know Greek Mythology characters is actually so brilliant, and it’s just a really cool scene. Grade C+
“To the depths of Tartarus with you!” – Maxie Zeus
59 – Deep Freeze. Season 3, Episode 28. Director: Kevin Altieri, Story: Paul Dini
Awe, imagine if Walt Disney, had gone batshit crazy and wanted to be immortal. Well I guess, he did freeze himself, and I don’t know if this episode has anything to do with that, but it reminds me of that, so back off! Grant Walker a billionaire with way to much free time on his hands, breaks Mr. Freeze out of Arkham, so he can help him become just like him. Not only that, Walker wants to turn the world into a skating rink, and start the next ice age, man Gotham really has some sick people in it. Maybe I’m to hard on this episode, but anything that’s not Heart of Ice, has a lot to live up too. This episode just doesn’t really do it for me, and to be perfectly honest, I was always so pissed they waited like 60 episodes to bring Mr.Freeze back. So in the end Freeze helps Batman and Robin, so he can help get his wife back. I just wish we would have gotten a few more Mr. Freeze episodes, but there’s just something about this episode that doesn’t feel right to me. Grade C+
“She’ll wake up in a dead frozen world, that you helped destroy. She’ll hate you for that!” Batman
58 – You Scratch My Back. Season 4, Episode 5. Director: Butch Lukic, Story: Hilary J. Bader
Boy, is there an awful lot of sexual tension in this episode. Hilary wasn’t holding back on this one. Nightwing wants to get out of Batman’s shadow, so he decides to take down a smuggling ring all by himself. Or so he thought, because Catwoman joins in on the fun, and wants to help the boy wonder. She also seems to want to make Batman jealous by having a somewhat of a sensual relationship with Dick (see what I did there). Meanwhile Batgirl and Nightwing got their own thing going on, and it’s just a cluster of emotions going on. Being the double crosser Catwoman is, she is just using Nightwing, to get to some rare antique. He ends up double crossing her, by secretly working with Batman the whole time, he even pulled one over on me the first time I watched it. Pretty mature episode for being a kids cartoon, so I’ll give it props for that. It’s also just an enjoyable episode! Grade C+
“The only cucumbers in there are .38 caliber” Nightwing
57 – The Cat & The Claw. Season 1, Episode 15/16 Director: Kevin Altieri, Dick Sebast, Story: Sean Catherine Derek
We made it, to the first two-part episode! It happens to be Catwoman’s origin, and it happens to feature Red Claw (BOOOOO). If I’m not mistaken these were the first two episodes ever aired, but I go by the box sets, but that’s a fun little fact! So Batman is dealing with this new cat burglar in town. And it just so happens Bruce Wayne has been swept off his feet by the new gal in town, Selina Kyle. Coincidence, I think not! So Selina is pretty pissed because this mountain lion exhibit is being destroyed, by The Red Claw, so both Catwoman and Selina are doing everything they can to stop it from happening. Bruce Wayne is falling for Selina, and Catwoman is falling for Batman, it really is quite the conundrum. When things start to go wrong for Selina, Bruce is there to help, and Batman is also trying to protect Catwoman. When Red Claw steals a deadly plaque on a military train, it’s up to Batman and Catwoman to stop her. Once Batman finds out who Catwoman really is, he has a hard time controlling his emotions and knowing what the right thing to do is. The Catwoman origin stuff, and her arc with Batman in these two episodes are so fantastic, but they get penalized because of the Red Claw. She’s such a horrible villain, and she just was such a buzz kill for these two episodes. The dynamic between Batman and Catwoman is compelling to say the least, and they arguably have the most intriguing relationship in the show, it’s just to bad they couldn’t of had a better baddie to go up against in their first episodes together. Grade B-
“I’m an equal opportunity crime fighter!” Batman
56 – Christmas With The Joker. Season 1, Episode 2. Director: Kent Butterworth, Story: Eddie Gorodetsky
One of my all time favourite traditions. Watch this episode on Christmas Eve! This episode gives us a lot of good moments, I feel like I’m screwing up majorly by putting it this low on my list. We get the Joker rendition of ‘Jingle Bells’, which is an all time classic. Him riding through the roof of Arkham on top of that christmas tree is something special. But overall it’s just not the best of episodes. So it’s Christmas Eve, and Batman is not satisfied with his nightly patrol with Robin. When Robin finally convinces him to head home and put on “It’s A Wonderful Life,” Joker interrupts the broadcast, to declare madness on Gotham! He has capture some people, and it’s up to the dynamic duo to stop him. I feel like if it were December this would be higher on my list, I don’t know what it is, I think I’ll regret putting this episode here. Grade C+
“They don’t call ya Batman for nothing!” Robin
55 – Zatanna. Season 2, Episode 26. Director: Dick Sebast, Story: Paul Dini
Talk about a little sex pot. Zatanna and Batman have all sorts of tension and chemistry between them. When Bruce Wayne visits with Zatanna’s father to learn the ways of illusion and to become a great escape artist, he meets his daughter Zatanna. When he learns all that he can, he leaves and never sees Zatanna again. Until she comes to Gotham, as she grew up to become a great magician. When the final act goes horribly wrong, and she is framed for stealing a lot of money, Batman will stop at nothing to prove her innocence. It doesn’t take her long to figure out that Batman is “John Smith” the man from her past, when he uses an old nickname. They work together to bring down an evil illusionist Montague Kane. I like Zatanna, she’s a great character and I thought she was well portrayed in this episode. I just wanted a little more from the episode. She’s another character they bring into the show and never come back to, which was a total bummer. Batman also cares deeply for this girl and cared for her father, and I love the bond they share, and how close they still are, despite being away from one another for so long! Grade B-
“What do you care about some leggy dame in nylons- or have I just answered my own question?” Zatanna
54 – Appointment In Crime Alley. Season 1, Episode 26. Director: Boyd Kirkland, Story: Gerry Conway
One of the more emotional episodes of the entire series. Batman’s yearly tradition of visiting the site of his parents tragic murder. Crime Alley, a place that Batman hates, yet holds so close to his heart. Well it’s that time of the year, but Roland Daggett is doing everything he can to stop Batman from making that appointment. Daggett is planning on burning Crime Alley to the ground, with or without its residents still living there. He needs the land to build his empire even greater, and will stop at nothing to do so. Batman is also getting held up with various other crimes going on around Gotham, and his head and his heart are not in the right mind frame. The ending to this episode is just so powerful, they really don’t have cartoons like this any more. Like not even close. Once the day is saved, finally Batman and Leslie Thompkins head to Crime Alley, so he can deliver his roses to his parents. He kneels over and Leslie puts her arms around him and it’s just such a powerful scene, that sometimes even Batman is vulnerable and needs compassion every so often.
“Good people still live in Crime Alley” Batman
53 – Blind As A Bat. Season 3, Episode 3. Director: Dan Riba, Story: Mike Underwood
Imagine Batman was like blind. Bats are blind, so why shouldn’t Batman be blind. Well in this episode, that’s exactly what you get. Penguin steals some military badass helicopter from the Gotham airshow, and Bruce Wayne happens to become blind, when he gets caught up in some cross fire. But you know Batman, he never quits, so he uses some sweet technology to give himself sight, but it has a few problems. Watching Batman be completely blind and trying to fight people, is actually hilarious, and I can’t help but laugh every time he falls into those barrels! His glowing red eyes, actually make him look more terrifying and menacing as The Dark Knight. Just kind of a meh episode for me, obviously he gets his vision back….. Grade C
“You’re blind as a bat. Sightless and helpless.” Penguin
52 – Heart of Steel. Season 2. Episode 10/11. Director: Kevin Altieri, Story: Brynne Stephens
Seriously, Bruce Wayne really knows how to pick em. Imagine going on a date with a woman, to only find out she’s a robot, and wants to kill you. Robots! Lots and lots of robots. So these episodes are kind of all over the place. So there are a ton of robberies going on around Gotham, and Batman discovers it to be a mechanical briefcase (I’m not kidding). So he tracks down his old pal Karl Rossum, who is an expert in robotics and has lived a sheltered life, after his daughter was killed in a car crash. There he meets the lovely lady/robot assistant Randa Duane. He doesn’t know she’s a robot, and now that I’m thinking about it, why would Karl even let that go on for a second? He must be a sick guy. Any who, he also shows Batman his most prized possession, H.A.R.D.A.C a super computer capable of incredible things. Things that even Rossum doesn’t know. Like make robotic duplicates of some of Gotham’s most important people! I almost forgot, we get introduced to Barbara Gordon in these two episodes, and she’s awesome. When her Dad gets taken away and replaced with a duplicate, she knows something is wrong right away, there’s also a moment when she thinks she has killed Bullock, but it turns out to be a duplicate also. Imagine that wasn’t the case though, and she straight up just killed a guy! So when Bruce Wayne goes on a date with a robot lady, she sneaks into the batcave and tampers with the bat-computer. When Batman investigates he gets attacked, and realizes something is severely wrong in Gotham. With the help of Barbara, they head back to Rossum, to confront him, but he doesn’t even realize what’s happening, and together they free all the kidnapped citizens, and destroy H.A.R.D.A.C once and for all. This is a two parter that I find myself disliking with each viewing, I’m not sure why, so that’s why its so low on the list! Grade B-
“His human imperfection endangers the plan. He must be improved upon.” H.A.R.D.A.C
51 – A Bullet For Bullock. Season 3, Episode 11. Director: Frank Paur, Story: Michael Reaves
Thee Harvey Bullock episode! Finally, one of my favourite characters from the whole show. A tortured soul, a good cop, but simply misunderstood. He believes we don’t need Batman, and in this episode, Bullock finally comes around to the idea of Batman, and hell even thanks the man. Someone is trying to kill Bullock, and wants him dead bad, and well he doesn’t have the slightest of clue as to who it is. So like any desperate man, he turns to Batman for help. This is a really character driven episode, and us as the audience and even Bullock himself learn a lot about this guy. He realizes that his demeanour and his behaviour has created some of the unlikeliest of enemies. He becomes self aware of how he treats people, and maybe realizes it’s time for a change. They scour Gotham, and pinpoint someone from his past as the culprit. That wasn’t the case, it was Bullock’s landlord who wanted him dead, and even pulls a gun on him at the end of the episode. He had driven this poor guy mad, and you just learn to really love the guy by the end of the episode. I really want to see this guy in The Batman movie. Grade B
“You wanted my apartment? You mean, this whole thing was about rent control?” Bullock
50 – It’s Never Too Late. Season 1, Episode 12. Director: Boyd Kirkland, Story: Tom Rugger
There’s a crime war going on in Gotham, between Rupert Thorne and old timer Arnold Stromewell, and it is sweeping through the city. When Thorne wants a “truce” Stromwell shows up thinking that this is really happening, meanwhile it’s a trap! You gotta know better old man, but Batman is on the case and saves Stromwell from an exploding building. He needs Stronwell’s help, and needs him to testify against Thorn. He pulls out all the stops, Batman tracks down his son, who is a drug addict but is getting the attention he needs. See Arnold had a trouble upbringing, when he was a boy, is brother lost his leg, when the pair of them were playing on the train tracks and he’s never forgiven himself for it. Now a priest, with the help from his brother and Batman, Arnold swears off crime and even helps bring down Thorne. This is another emotional episode, with all sorts of emotional baggage and layered story telling. Dealing with some serious subject matter for being a kids cartoon. An episode that honestly only gets better with time. Grade B-
“Stay away, Michael! The last time you tried to help me, you lost your leg!” – Arnold Stromwell
49 – Never Fear. Season 4, Episode 6. Director: Kenji Hachizaki, Story: Stan Berkowitz
Imagine Batman without fear. His deepest fear is becoming what fights every night in Gotham. He never wants to cross that line, and become one of them. Well we kind of get that in this episode, when Scarecrow makes a new toxin that eliminates fear as we know it. So when Batman gets exposed to the gas, he thinks nothing of it. Until he starts acting radically and is being more dangerous and reckless. Sensing this, Robin decides he must do this on his own. Knowing Batman is a threat to not only Gotham city, but to himself as well. Probably the weakest Scarecrow story, but the idea behind Batman losing control is a really neat idea, and something that should be taken seriously. Doing this again, but making it a little more edgy could be awesome to see, because Batman without limits, is a scary man to think about. There is a great exchange between Robin and Batman in this episode. Where Robin knows, that Batman is now such a threat that he needs to stop Scarecrow alone, it’s just a really powerful scene between the two. Considering Tim Drake is just a kid, and he’s not afraid of Batman, even when he is unhinged. Grade C+
“Untie me, you little… UNTIE ME!” – Batman
48 – House And Garden. Season 3, Episode 14. Director: Boyd Kirkland, Story: Paul Dini –
This episode is just straight up creepy. Poison Ivy is a broken woman in this one. We see her “building a new life” becoming free of crime and Batman is in shock. She’s turned a new leaf (plant pun!) and decided it’s time to settle down and start a family. She meets a nice professor that teaches at Dick’s school and together they raise his two sons. Batman at first is skeptical, and starts to spy on Ivy, but when he comes away with nothing, he even feels bad for pressuring her so much. Meanwhile, a giant plant like man is terrorizing Gotham, and it would appear that all fingers lead to Ivy, but Batman simply can’t connect the two. At one point in the episode Ivy tells Batman “She’s the happiest, she’s ever been”, and Batman tells her that he believes it. When it turns out, that Ivy is in fact making “people” and that her family isn’t real, Batman and Robin are able to put a stop to her insane plot. She eventually flees Gotham and is seen on an airplane, looking through photographs of her family, with tears in her eyes. Just an emotional episode, showcasing that even though her family and life weren’t real, it was in fact the happiest she’s ever been. Sad stuff. Grade C+
“She’s done nothing more incriminating than return an overdue video – even paid the late fee.” Batman
47 – If You’re So Smart, Why Aren’t You Rich? Season 2, Episode 12. Director: Eric Radomski, Story: David Wise
The Riddler! One of my all time favourite Batman villains, and guess what? They do him such proper justice in this show! The episodes before the revamp that The Riddler is in, are just quality stuff. His origin story episode however, is my least favourite. The way he looks, speaks and intellect are all so on the money, it’s not even fair. So kudos to the guys for really nailing this character. So Edward Nygma creates a world famous game called “The Riddle of The Minotaur,” and is on top of the world. But when his boss, Daniel Mockridge fires him, so he can keep all the profits of the game for himself, Nygma vows revenge as he leaves the building. Fast forward two years, and Mockridge is getting riddles all across Gotham, and he knows it can only be one man. The Riddler ends up kidnapping Mockridge, and swears to put an end to Mockridge. Batman even feels a little for Nygma, knowing he was the creator of the game, and got screwed over. But they have to stop him from killing Mockridge, who he has hidden in the middle of a life size replica of the game he created. This is where the episode takes a downturn for me, I’m not a fan of the life sized game, it just seems so unrealistic (I know it’s Batman, but you know what I mean). It feels so out of place, and this is when we learn that Batman is a terrific riddle solver, and it damn near pisses Riddler off every time. Mockridge is saved, but he ultimately ends up living in fear for the rest of his life. Side note: I love how they got a guy who’s last name is Wise to write this episode…… Grade B
“My, my, my, can we actually have a brain beneath that pointy cowl of ours?” The Riddler
46 – Mad As A Hatter. Season 1, Episode 27. Director: Frank Paur, Story: Paul Dini
Jervis Tetch, a Wayne Enterprises scientist, is madly in love with one of his secretaries Alice. You know where this is going, he eventually snaps, and becomes his alter ego Mad Hatter. I like this character, I enjoy the play on the whole Alice in Wonderland thing. Jervis is a broken man, who just wants to be loved. When he can’t have that, he makes it happen, by mind controlling those around him. He can actually be a pretty worthy advisory to Batman, with his mind controlling devices, seeing how anyone can be targeted. So when Alice gets engaged to her boyfriend, Jervis doesn’t like that one bit, and sets off on a rampage to win her back. I’m a big fan of the end to this episode, with all the characters from Alice in Wonderland being involved, and I just think Mad Hatter is a really interesting and unique Batman character. Just an overall, really well done episode in my mind. Grade B
“You’re mighty in Gotham, Batman, but in Wonderland, the Mad Hatter reigns supreme.” Mad Hatter
45 – Fear of Victory. Season 1, Episode 24. Director: Dick Sebast, Story: Samuel Warren Joseph
Imagine being afraid of just about everything and anything. Well Scarecrow’s newest toxin does just that. When he’s intoxicating star Gotham athletes and making a fortune off their poor performances, he thinks he has it made. He even gets Robin’s roommate, quarterback of their universities football team, and at the same time Robin becomes infected. He doesn’t know until he’s on patrol with Batman, and finds himself, afraid of heights all of a sudden. This episode is all about facing your fears, and being master of your own mind. In the first season, Scarecrow is involved in 3 incredible episodes, and I really wish they didn’t go away from that character in later seasons. He is always testing Batman’s limits, and in this episode, Robin feels like he is a burden to Batman. Once Batman finds the connection between the athletes and Robin, he knows it’s the professor of fear behind it, and when he goes to confront him in Arkham, well guess who broke out. There’s a great part, when it appears he’s in his cell, just rocking back and forth on his rocking chair, but it’s just an actual Scarecrow. Like just how bad is security at this place? Grade B-
“I need the money, Batman. You know the cost of chemicals these days.” Scarecrow
44 – Night of The Ninja. Season 2, Episode 7. Director: Kevin Altieri, Story: Steve Perry
Kyodai Ken, man this guy was so cool! For being a lesser known rival to Bruce Wayne and later Batman, this guy was pretty badass! He’s only in two episodes of the show, but honestly they are two of my favourites. The reason I have it only at number 48, is well, remember what show we are talking about here. So when Bruce Wayne goes to Japan to learn the ways of a samurai, he meets Ken, who is a formidable foe. He is better than Bruce in the dojo, but he has his heart on a rare sword, and tries to steal it. When he is stopped by Bruce and their master, Kyodai Ken swear revenge. Some years later, robberies are happening all over Gotham, and to Wayne Enterprises subsidiaries, he comes face to face with a worthy opponent. When trying to get away, he notices a back tattoo, the same one that Kyodai Ken has. Fearing that he might not be able to beat him, like he could never do in the past, Batman is a little on edge. One of the reasons I love this episode so much, is there’s also a great Robin story in here too. That Robin sometimes feels like Batman isn’t proud of him, or that he isn’t grateful to have him around. Towards the end of the episode, it is Bruce Wayne that defeats Ken, but needs the aid of Robin, due to the fact that he’s fighting him in front of Summer Gleeson. He can’t defeat him with her watching, because it might start to raise unwanted questions. I think I’m really screwing up by making this episode 48, but the truth is, the next time Kyodai Ken comes around, it’s even better! Grade B+
“I have to be the best there is, no matter what it takes!” – Batman
43 – See No Evil. Season 1, Episode 17. Director: Dan Riba, Story: Martin Pasko
This episode for me at least, has it all. A great story, animation and a really good character. Lloyd Ventrix is a fresh out of jail father, who can no longer see his daughter. So he makes a suit, that’s made up of a special plastic that can bend light. He’s therefore invisible, and when he’s invisible he can see his daughter. See she thinks it’s her new best friend Mojo, and there’s something about this, that’s both sweet and creepy. He’s also using the suit to commit various crimes around Gotham, and when Batman goes up against him, and realizes what exactly he is going up against, he digs deeper into this matter. When he finds out the plastic is toxic and will eventually kill Ventrix, he tries to console him about losing his daughter. All the animation with him being invisible is incredible for the 90’s and they have some stellar fight sequences in this as well. Towards the end when Batman uses a dripping water tank to see Ventrix, and it’s just really well done. He’s only ever in one episode but man I just love that character, it’s a real mature story for a kids show. It really only gets better with each viewing in my opinion. Grade B
“See you ’round, Batman! Too bad you can’t say the same!” – Lloyd Ventrix
Spoilers ahead, because that’s the only way I can fully review this movie.
Alien Covenant is Ridley Scott’s follow up to the ever so confusing 2012 Prometheus, you know the movie you left scratching your head, probably severely confused. Well guess what, I’m pretty sure this movie gave me an ulcer from how stressed out it made me. Apart from Logan, I honestly thought Alien Covenant had the best marketing campaign going. All the trailers have been incredible and I thought I knew what I was going to get with this, it looked terrifying as hell and it seemed like we were going to get a lot of our questions we had from Prometheus answered. Well CONGRATS, FOX, Ridley, you guys really pulled one over on me!! Seriously touché, I actually almost felt like getting up and walking out of this movie, not because it’s that’s bad, because of how much it was pissing me off! Ridley, my man, you’re an incredible filmmaker, one of the best to ever do it, why are you making it so difficult for people to enjoy and understand these movies. It’s like when an already really pretty girl, decides to cake on a ton of makeup, you don’t need it. You’re nice to look at to begin with. We don’t need all this extra stuff. The more I think about Alien Covenant, the angrier I am getting. I’m just frustrated because I had such high hopes for it, I thought it was going to be scary (it was not), I thought some questions would be answered (I left with more), and I can never quite figure out why these scientists are so stupid. It felt like Scream mixed with an alien movie. I’m not even kidding, it was Friday the 13th level cheese sometimes, and instead of Jason, we had Xenomorphs. Man there are so many problems with this movie, I will try my best not to lose my cool here.
So the Covenant is a spaceship heading to planet Origae-6, for the first ever colonization mission. Thousands of embryos and colonists are on board along with its crew, made up of couples. First things first, what the hell James Franco? I was excited to see this guy in an alien movie, and he might have set the land speed record for shortest cameo in a movie. I mean he didn’t even have a word of dialogue, if you count out the IPad message we see. I laughed, because honestly what the hell was the point? I could have played that role; so right from the beginning I was a little worried. So poor James Franco was the captain of the Covenant, so now that falls on the lap of Oram (Billy Crudup), I’ve always been a big fan of this guy. Along side Oram, we have Walter (Michael Fassbender) the droid, Daniels (Katherine Waterson), Tennessee (Danny McBride) and a few others, I’ll give Upworth (Callie Hernandez) a shout out, because I thought she was great and is a rocket. The crew is 15 large, but I don’t want mention everyone, because I don’t remember their names, they are all do disposable and half of them were just so stupid that they deserved their own fates. Here’s the one major problem I have with Covenant, these people are mainly all scientists and are part of the first colonization mission in human history, but man are they all SO STUPID! I’ll really get into that later, but my God, this movie at times is painful. Being the massive Alien fan I am, my hopes were so high for this movie and it just ultimately failed to meet my expectations, even just a little bit.
So when the Covenant loses some colonists because of some sort of space storm, the crew is rattled, and when Tennessee is outside the ship making repairs, he hears a mysterious radio transmission. After years and years investigating, researching and making sure the planet they have pick is the absolute perfect candidate. But good old caption Oram, decides too hell with that, and they proceed to this mysterious planet, as it also fits all the requirements to be a suitable planet for colonization. So after the crew decides to land on this new planet, well let’s just say, it doesn’t take very long for everything go to complete and utter shit. Just like that, but honestly what were these people thinking. A few of the crew members get infected by that black goo stuff from Prometheus and after several crew members die in some horrible ways, they soon lose the ability to communicate with the Covenant. Remember when I said some of these people are stupid. There’s one part, where no word of a lie, someone actually two people in a row slip on blood, and let the alien get loose. And not only does this one girl slip on blood, she follows that up by firing live ammunition in what appears to be the holding cell of multiple gas tanks. You already know how that ends up. Like just lock yourself in a room, you have a massive gun, why does Ridley Scott, make this feel like a 90s slasher film sometimes, it just a frustrating watching the same thing happen over and over again. You know exactly who is going to die, even before it happens. Things have just gone horribly wrong, people are dead, and you have the old “I’m going to the bathroom” all alone routine. Like give me a break. Going into Alien Covenant I thought it would be the scariest alien movie since well Alien. And when you have things like people going off on their own, and getting separated, it takes all the suspense and horror elements out of it and that was such a major let down. So finally David, the droid from Prometheus comes and saves the day, and from the very get go, you know this guy is bad, and they do such a poor job of even trying to make you think otherwise.
David tries to tell the crew what’s going on, how did he survive this whole time and meanwhile back on the Covenant, Tennessee and the other two crew members are trying to land on this planet, but there’s such a bad storm that they can’t even get into contact with them. So finally Oram, Walter and Daniels believe that David is really up to something, so before Oram decides to blow David to hell, David wants to show him something. For me this was the best and most enjoyable moment of the entire movie, it happens to happen right before the worst part of the movie. David shows Oram some face-hugger eggs, and he does that age-old trick of looking inside, curiosity killed the cat my friend. Obviously he gets one attached to him, and BOOM I believe we have the first ever Xenomorph born! Finally it only takes the entire movie, but something needs to be said. Aliens, they do such incredible practical effects, the whole movie is so beautiful, that’s Ridley Scott’s best trait as a filmmaker. But my god, The Xenomorph’s in this movie look so fake and so bad. All CGI from what I could tell, and it just takes you out of the movie. After the Xenomorph bursts through Oran’s chest, it likes raises its hands in the air, because David does it, and it was just so ridiculous. Remember in Space Balls, when they mock the chest bursting scene, and the Xenomorph dances after it’s born. I swear to god, that’s what this felt like to me, all it was missing, was a cane and a top hat. Oh and after that, David and Walter share a kiss, and again that was just nonsense. I’m rambling because all I wanted was this to be a great alien movie, and we didn’t get that, not even close. So finally we have a Xenomorph kind of doing Xenomorph things, and the crew is about the get rescued and Daniels fights one while like hanging from the ship, which was a pretty cool character moment from her. They tried really hard to make her like a Ripley type, but there can only ever be one Ripley, so I don’t understand why they do that. Create something new; create a new badass female character please.
So they finally get on board and they think everything is peachy, well it’s not, because some how a face-hugger gets on one of the remaining crewmembers. Now there are only 5 people left, two of them get freaky in the showers, and well remember what Randy, tells you in Scream. If you have sex, you die. So now it’s Tennessee and Daniels vs. the last Xenomorph. At this point in like yah, Danny McBride is about to fuck this thing up, and get his moment to shine, nope that doesn’t happen. They literally do what they always do, suck it out into space…..
I wanted Danny McBride to have his moment in this movie, because I thought he was the best part of the movie but that just never happened. He showed he’s a really great actor and should be taken seriously but I was just upset he didn’t even get to kill a Xenomorph in this. Finally everything is fine!!! Wait no, because remember, David and Walter are both the same and they wanted you think Walter came out victorious when the two droids threw down earlier in the movie. But I know better, so when David is putting Daniels and Tennessee back into their stasis pods, she figures this out, but it’s two late. David swallowed two face-hugger eggs and now plans to experiment with the embryos on board. That was the ending to the movie, I left more confused than I was after Prometheus.
Look there is some good in this movie; performances across the board were great. I loved McBride and Waterson and obviously Fassbender does a bang up job playing two characters. I even like the new comer Callie Hernandez, who was great in her little screen time in La La Land. The movie itself is breathtaking, but we all knew it would be going in. That’s what Ridley Scott does best. But it’s not scary at all, there’s no suspense, yes it’s gory as hell but that doesn’t make it scary. All these characters were just disposable, and quite frankly really dumb. I just wanted this to actually be an alien movie, but he’s trying to hard. He’s making the franchise way to complicated, go back to the roots man and just make us feel scared again. Enough with this big picture nonsense. Why is a droid the true villain of a movie called Alien. I hate David and I can’t wait for that milkman of a droid to die. This was a really hard review to write, I even saw this Thursday night and I wanted to wait, and see if my feelings changed a bit. In all honestly I feel like I dislike the movie more now, than when I walked out of the theatre. Just overall, this was a really big let down, one of the biggest let downs in a long time for me.
Check ya later,
Nate’s Movie Tour Reviews – Alien Covenant = 61/100
Everyone has their favorite television show; they can be a great place of escapism and can bring hoards of people together. I have fallen in love with many great shows throughout my life; Mad Men, Parks and Recreation, Game of Thrones, Breaking Bad and The Wire but for me one show trumps them all. Batman: The Animated Series, created in 1992 by Bruce Timm and Eric Radomski who at the time were working on Tiny Toones for FOX, Warner Bros. Animation decided it was time to venture into an animated Batman series due to the success of Tim Burton’s Batman movie. They pegged these two to shoot a short pilot episode, which ultimately ended up becoming the opening credits for the show. From the get go this show was praised for its quality of animation, which to this day is still considered to be top notch. The darker tones and overall thematic complexity of the show, which again dealt with some mature situations and subjects for being a kid’s show. It had a very film noir look to it, bullets fly (but they never hit anyone, terrible aim those bad guys!) the villains are out for blood, and in certain episodes a lot is at stake. I know people may think, this is just a cartoon, how can that be? For being a kids cartoon, it certainly has an adult feel to it and it’s one of the main reasons I fell in love with it from the very start. All of that makes the show feel timeless, and again the show was praised for its modernization of its titled character. For me, the thing I love most about this show, aside from the storytelling has to be the cast. The voice acting is some of the best to ever be in animation, and as the casting director Andrea Romano put it, they wanted to cast voices with character. Not just people doing cartoon voices. Kevin Conroy (Bruce Wayne/Batman) and Mark Hamill (The Joker) for me will always be those two iconic characters, and have been providing their voices in animation and video games for almost 30 years now! The show works so well, because in the end it wasn’t made with a younger audience in mind and I think that’s the main reason why I think the show still holds up so well today. Considered to be one of the greatest cartoons ever produced, actually only The Simpsons is held in higher regard. They produced 109 episodes, all unique and special in their own way. This show is responsible for some of the best Batman stories ever told, which is quite the feat, considering you are working with almost 80 years of Batman mythos and history. Batman: The Animated Series is actually responsible for the creation of Harley Quinn, and we can thank one of the shows writers Paul Dini for that. My only gripe with this show was how they changed the animation up after season 3. It never resonated with me, and when I stop and think about it, it honestly makes me angry. I understand why they did it, they wanted to have a more kid friendly show, but it almost ruins the experience. That’s the only problem I’ve ever had with Batman The Animated Series. I have a yearly tradition where I sit back and watch every episode, and I thought this time, I would rank every single one. So that’s exactly what I’m going to do, all the two part episodes will be considered as one, so in total I’ll be ranking 102! This show has a special place in my heart and I consider it to be the greatest representation of The Dark Knight outside of the comic books. So sit back, relax and enjoy this, because I know I’m going to enjoy writing it. I’m going to break it down into 5 parts! Here are the numbers 102-83! The grades don’t reflect the rankings; they are just there so you can get a better sense of the episodes
102- Prophecy of Doom. Season 1, Episode 19 – Director: Frank Paur, Story: Dennis Marks
This guy was the villain of the episode need I say more? Starting off the list was the very forgetful episode, in which we see Batman take down a cult. The Brotherhood is run by the mystic Nostromos who has the ability to “predict the future.” Turns out he’s just a con artist who rigs near fatal accidents so he can warm up to Gotham’s elite and later take their money. One of the few episodes I will actually skip in my yearly run through, it’s just that bad. Grade F
“Do not apologize. She will believe. They all will believe….after the great fall” – Nostromos
101 – The Underdwellers. Season 1, Episode 6 – Director: Frank Paur, Story: Tom Ruegger
Batman wrestles a few alligators in this one, and that’s the only highlight or memorable moment. Premise on the other hand, it deals with some wackjob taking kids underground and essentially make them his servants. They go up to the streets of Gotham at night and rob its citizens, when one of them gets taken away by Batman, he brings him home to Alfred to care for the boy. Early on in the series, the show was still trying to get its feet wet. I just can’t take an episode seriously when the episodes villain was the Sewer King… Grade F
“You play chicken long enough, you fry” – Batman
100 – Critters. Season 4 , Episode 14. Director: Dan Riba, Story: Steve Gerber
So when a farmer goes crazy, I guess it’s up to Batman to stop him. Farmer Brown is his name, and after his failed attempt at creating bigger livestock, he becomes the laughing stock of Gotham, which leads to him losing all of his money. A year later, Gotham City is terrorized by giant animals and bugs. Farmer Brown plans to fire a rocket with all these “critters” into Gotham and watch it fall apart. All I can really do is shake my head at this episode, like this isn’t Batman, not at all. Just one of the many horrible episodes from season 4. Batman vs. a couple of hillbillies, come on Warner Bros. you can do better. Grade F
“That’s a lot of bull” – Tim Drake
99 – Mean Seasons: Season 4, Episode 13. Director: Hiroyuki Aoyama, Story: Rich Fogel
Honestly, it’s like they weren’t even trying for parts of season 4. Look out folks, Calender Girl is on the loose!! Some has been actress is kidnapping the people responsible for her apparent “botched” surgeries. Turning the dirty 30, once the brightest star of the film industry, now just a thing of the past. These botched surgeries aren’t true, she’s still the same beautiful woman she’s always been, but she cannot see that anymore. She just sees her flaws. Another painful episode to sit all the way through, because there’s just nothing exciting happening what’s so ever. Like one of her henchmen is a knock off Fabio, give me a break…. Grade F
“Beware the Ides of March!” – Calender Girl
98 -Cat Scratch Fever: Season 2. Episode 8. Director: Boyd Kirkland, Story: Sean Catharine Derek
Stray cats, this episode is about stray cats…. I might as well just end this review right now. Roland Dagget is planning on using the stray cats of Gotham and infecting them with a new viral plague. He will be the only person with the means to cure this new disease, for a quick and easy money grab. So When Isis goes missing (not that Isis, Catwoman’s cat) she investigates the matter and stumbles upon his scheme. When she becomes infected herself, it’s up to her beau Batman to save the day. Grade F
“Tonight on the news they called you a hero. You keep this up and they’ll start making Catwoman dolls” – Maven
97 – Beware The Creeper: Season 4, Episode 23. Director: Dan Riba, Story: Rich Fogel.
A knockoff Joker, in an episode with the Joker. News reporter Jack Ryder, falls into the same vat of chemicals that made the Joker who he is. But Jack was also covered in Joker’s laughing gas, makes for a weird combination. We get The Creeper out of it, all I can say is wow. Pretty much just a horny Joker, I’m not even kidding. They leave the episode open-ended and that’s the worst part, because as an audience we never get to see The Creeper again. So that makes it even worse, just another terrible villain season 4 managed to pump out. Grade D
“They call me, Yellow-Skinned Wacky Man!” – The Creeper
96 -Birds of A Feather. Season 2, Episode 19. Director: Frank Paur, Story: Chuck Menville
I feel like people might enjoy this episode much more than I do. Penguin gets out of the slammer and still thinks he’s high society. Until no one comes to pick him up or throw him an extravagant party for his return. Veronica Vreeland is also feeling the heat with her recent struggles to throw a great party. So she whips up the idea to invite the Peguin to her next bash. It works to perfection, actually too good, because the bird starts to fall for Ms. Vreeland. It’s not until he overhears her telling someone she’s just using him, that everything goes to complete crap. The Peguin is usually involved in great episodes, but this is by far the worst. Just rich snobs being rich snobs. Grade D+
“I guess what they say is true: society is to blame. High society” – The Penguin.
95 – Showdown. Season 3, Episode 22. Director: Kevin Altieri, Story: Kevin Altieri.
Again another episode that I think would be higher on other people’s lists. It involves Jonah Hex, and this episode just never clicked with me. I’ve never liked it, maybe it’s because I’m salty about this being the last episode we get to see Ra’s Al Ghul and he is completely WASTED! One of my favourite villains from the whole show, and this was his swan song, honestly it’s somewhat heart breaking when you think about it. He tells this story to Batman about Jonah Hex and how his son, who is part of the story as well is still alive today. He was also exposed to the Lazarus Pits and is very old. So when Batman finds him at a retirement home and they chase them to the nearby airport, Batman actually lets him walk free. Shows that deep down Batman actually has some feelings. Fun fact about his episode though, Robin straight up dick punches a guy, the one and only punch of its kind in the show! Grade D
“Come now detective, I still have a few good years left. We will cross swords another day” – Ra’s Al Ghul
94 – Love Is A Croc. Season 4, Episode 9. Director: Butch Lukic, Story: Steve Gerber.
Okay, quick rant before I breifly talk about this episode. How bad does Croc look in the new animation style? My god, it’s painful, he looks so bad and they even changed his voice and the new guy just sucks. He was so good in the first three seasons and they completely ruined him and made him be involved in this putrid episode. Baby Doll is back (yay – that’s sarcasm) she feels for Croc for being an outsider, as she’s always felt that way. So they team up and become a common law couple and live in the sewers and the whole thing is just a disaster and it turns out chicks dig guys who look like crocodiles, who knew. Just the weirdest pairing of two rogues from Batman’s famous gallery that I can remember and truthfully it just didn’t work out. Croc straight up beats Baby Doll also, which I found to be a little disturbing. Grade F
“Ordinarily, I don’t approve of spanking but in her case…” – Batgirl
93 – The Demon Within. Season 4, Episode 18. Director: Atsuko Tanaka, Story: Rusti Bjornhoel
Without question one of the weirdest most out of place episodes. When you compare it to all other episodes, it just feels so out of place, so far from the realm of what the original feel of the show was. Also they have the creepiest villain, Klarion the Witch Boy, who possesses Jason Blood’s alter ego Etrigan the Demon. I know that was a mouthful to take in. I don’t even know what I’m talking about when it comes to this episode. It’s weird and certainly not the BTAS I grew to love. Grade D
“Whoa! So all of this is what I think it is, right? Magic? Sorcery?” – Tim Drake.
92 – The Lion and The Unicorn. Season 3, Episode 21. Director: Boyd Kirkland, Story: Diane Duane
A call back to British spy films – this episode focuses on Alfred. When he gets a mysterious phone call from his “cousin” Alfred drops everything at Wayne Manor and heads across the pond to London. I really try to like this episode but I can never really get into it. The one thing, I do enjoy though, is how they dive into Alfred’s past. Even Dick doesn’t know about how much of a badass Alfred used to be back in the day working as a British government spy. His cousin, who turns out to be his old partner and Alfred have the secret launch codes for a nuclear mission silo. They showcase his skills throughout the episode, but it’s biggest downfall has to be having Red Claw. She’s a terrible villain and we never really get to understand why she’s a terrorist or why she does the things she does. Her voice is also incredibly annoying. Grade D-
“There’s only one London Master Bruce” – Alfred
91 – Moon of The Wolf. Season 2, Episode 15. Director: Dick Sebast, Story: Len Wein
So this episode is hilariously bad, but I don’t hate it as strongly now as the first few times I watched it. It kind of grows on you to be honest, but that doesn’t excuse it from being laughable. Batman is suppose to be the worlds greatest detective, yet he thinks this werewolf is just a mugger in a mask. I don’t like when the writing dumbs down our Batman and makes it appear that he’s not so smart. Anthony Romulus was a star athlete, but wanted to be the very best. So he’s offered a chance of a lifetime, to experiment with a new drug provided by Dr. Milo. Turns out that there’s some timber wolf estrogen in the steroids, so it ultimately turns him into this wolf man. Just a classic filler episode, with little to no story, and just making Batman seem weak and stupid at times. Bruce Tinm once said that it was a “Tuesday” episode. Whatever that means. Grade D
“Do me a favour, Shaggy!” – Batman
90 – Tyger, Tyger. Season 2, Episode 14. Director: Frank Paur, Story: Michael Reaves
I don’t know what the producers of this show were thinking when it comes to Catwomans story arc. She’s such an incredible character, yet she’s apart of some of the most bizarre and quite frankly some of the worst episodes. Like she gets turned into a cat this episode… that’s right. Dr. Dorian has other pet projects, a giant ape like man, and Tygrus. Another giant cat, Tygrus serves as another love interest for Selina Kyle in this episode, and it makes the whole thing even stranger. She has such a complex relationship with our hero, and that’s kind of explored, but she’s just always part of some half-assed story. We just never get that great Batman/Catwoman story, like again SHE GETS TURNED INTO AN ACTUAL CAT. Grade D+
“Tyger, Tyger, burning bright. In the forests of the night. What immortal hand or eye. Could frame thy fearful symmetry?” – Batman
89 – Chemisty. Season 4, Episode 22. Director: Butch Lukic, Story: Stan Berkowitz
Another fine example of the writers making our Caped Crusader look kind of stupid. Bruce magically falls for a women and decides pretty easily that it’s time to hang up the cape and cowl for good. Really Batman? Just like that, regardless if she is the one, something seems off and Batman really doesn’t take notice, until it’s almost too late. Susan is her name, well that’s the name Poison Ivy gives her, see she’s one of her newest creations. Where she makes the perfect match for the wealthy of Gotham and poor Bruce can do nothing to stop the affection he has for dear old Susan. I just could never believe Bruce Wayne would fall that hard for someone, even if it’s out of his control somehow. He’s Batman, his mind control is like no other, and the fact that they just make him seem pretty weak and stupid in this episode bothers me a bit. Grade D +
“Everything’s changed for me in the past few weeks. The pain of my parents deaths…it’s still there, but it seems smaller” – Bruce Wayne
88 – The Cult of The Cat. Season 4, Episode 15. Director: Butch Lukic, Story: Stan Berkowitz
Another episode involving cats….I get it, she’s Catwoman and all but come on. Some original ideas would be nice. Here we find Selina stealing a rare cat statue from a cult, to only find out she has a lot in common with these people. Like a lot of episodes in the final season, we see Batman square off against larger than life animals, this time around it’s a saber-toothed cat. For this being the last time we ever get to see her in the animated series, it was just overall a lacklustre episode to say the least. In the end we realize that no matter how much Selina loves Batman, her true loves lies with her cats and well stolen jewellery. As we see her living in Paris, with those two things I just mentioned. Grade D+
“You can’t get rid of them. They are like old boyfriends. Or warts.” – Catwoman.
87 – Cold Comfort. Season 4, Episode 3. Director: Dan Riba, Story: Hilary J. Bader
Remember when Paul Dini came up with the idea that Mr. Freeze shouldn’t be a joke anymore. That they created one of the best Batman stories ever told with “Heart of Ice” which we will get too later. Mr. Freeze is one of the more sympathetic characters in the animated series, he’s lost all emotion, and you feel for the guy after he loses his wife to a rare disease (Well she’s frozen, but you knew that already!). That being said, this character probably gets the biggest change in the animation revamp and I HATE IT. He was literally perfect in the few episodes he appeared in with the old animation style, and now he just looks stupid. On top of that, he’s just a head, just a human head now, with a robot body, are you kidding me? They ruined his character completely, and the only saving grace is that they didn’t change his voice actor (Michael Ansara) who does such a terrific job at portraying this heart broken and completely loss man. This episode deals with Freeze being pissed off after his now cured wife has moved on with her life and she has remarried, so he’s going around Gotham destroying a bunch of things. Move on buddy and find another gal, I guess that’s hard to do though, when you are just a head I guess. He’s even got two stupid lady sidekicks and the whole thing makes me mad, so I’m going to stop writing now. Grade D
“You don’t have to do this. Wayne Enterprises helped save your wife’s life, and we can help you” – Bruce Wayne
86 -Animal Act. Season 4, Episode 16. Director: Curt Geda, Story: Hilary J. Bader
Man I don’t know who Mad Hatter pissed off, but wow, just wow. Mad Hatter is a terrific villain, and is feature in some of the best episodes this show has to offer. Why on Earth is this his last appearance? Why did they make him take control of circus animals as his final insane plot? So Robin’s old circus is back in town, and just like that, crazy robberies involving animals is going on in Gotham. This is straight up one of the more childish episodes we ever see. Not a single dark tone, or adult vibe to it, and that was the big concern for the revamp. I hate to throw people under the bus, but Hilary J. Bader is responsible for writing some of the worst and more immature episodes ever. For having Dick Grayson re-visit the place where he lost everything, you would think this episode would pack a little bit more of an emotional punch, No! Talk about a missed opportunity, and for a life long Batman fan, thats something us fans want to see. Grade D-
“You sure it’s locked this time? We’ve got enough yahoos running around this city without having to deal with Yogi and Boo-Boo too.” – Harvey Bullock
85 – Double Talk. Season 4, Episode 4. Director: Curt Geda, Story: Robert Goodman
The good old Ventriloquist, another great villain ruined by the revamp. Yes, he’s a little strange, but that’s the best part about him. I don’t mind that its a puppet, and to be honest it’s kind of scary that a man can get to be that insane. So Arnold Wesker is out of jail and got a sweet hook up by Bruce Wayne himself to start working at Wayne Enterprises. He’s “cured” of his aliment of being control by his other half Scarface. Well little does he know that’s not the case, and he plans a little robbery at his newly acquired workplace. Just not a great episode, they made Arnold look like a low budget grown up Charlie Brown. They even made Scarface look worse and he’s a puppet, just so not cool Warner Bros. animation. Grade D
“He’s not coming back! He’s gone!” – Arnold Wesker
84 – The Worry Men. Season 3, Episode 9. Director: Frank Paur, Story: Paul Dini
Veronica Vreeland, one of Gotham’s rich girls heads overseas for a vacation and comes back with some little dolls. These dolls are suppose to take away all of your worries. When she was in Central America, these dolls according to legend were put under your pillow at night, they would take away your worries for you. Little did she know, each doll had a tiny microchip placed inside by the Mad Hatter, and he was making the wealthy give him all of their money. Sneaky guy that Mad Hatter, I’ll give him props for the genius scheme, but the episode just kind of falls flat, and I want to like this episode every time I watch it, I just can’t AND I DON’T KNOW WHY!!!! Grade C-
“As the great Lewis Carrol himself once said, ‘One, two, one, two, through and through. And then the rope went snicker-snack. He left it dead and with its head, he went galloping back!” – Dr. Jervis Tetch/Mad Hatter
83 – Baby Doll. Season 3, Episode 20. Director: Dan Riba, Story: Paul Dini
I need to say this first. I don’t hate this episode, any episode written by Paul Dini isn’t bad. I understand the meaning behind it and why some people think this episode is freaking genius and really good. I feel that way about it too. The emotional punch and baggage that come along with this episode is pretty haunting. It’s different and unique and I totally understand that part. For me, it always boils down to the fact, that I just can’t ever picture Batman running around Gotham chasing a little girl. Yes I know, she’s actually 30 and she’s born with a rare disease that makes her not age or grow. But there’s something about Batman, the freaking Dark Knight chasing this little girl and I just laugh, because that just doesn’t happen, or maybe that’s just me? Baby Doll a once bright star, had herself a hit TV show, until well someone stole the spotlight from her, and when that happened, Baby Doll got super upset. She tried other methods of acting, but nothing worked, so her career ended pretty quickly. 10 years later she’s out for revenge, and starts kidnapping all her ex cast-mates, and well essentially wants to kill them all. I’ll admit the last few minutes of this episode are spectacular but that can’t justify putting it higher on the list. Baby Doll just never clicked with me as a villain. Grade C+
“Remember that time when Poison Ivy nearly smothered us in those vines?” – Robin
Well there you have it, the first 20 episodes are in the books! That took a lot longer than I expected, so hopefully the next part will be ready in the next week! Please feel free to leave a comment and let me know how you feel about my rankings!
Matthew McConaughey honestly looks to be the nicest villain in movie history.
The Dark Tower, something I really know nothing about. I know it’s based off the much beloved Stephen King novel. I know it’s coming out August 4th this summer and I know it stars a couple of real gems in McConaughey and Idris Elba. So when the trailer popped up online this morning I was pleasantly surprised at what I saw. After reading some of the Youtube comments, it looks like the books snobs will be out in full force for this one.
Idris Elba is some sort of gunslinger and it’s up to him to save both his world and ours. McConaughey looks to be playing “The Man In Black” who is trying to destroy both worlds. Honestly from what I saw from this trailer the action looks to be pretty dope. They really came up with some unique ways to reload your gun, and this being based off a Stephen King novel I expect a great story full of twists and turns. I’ve always felt that Idris Elba hasn’t got his just dessert yet, he’s such a talented actor, but hasn’t really been the lead in a big Hollywood blockbuster. Well this looks to be his chance, and I couldn’t be happier for the guy. I just hope this doesn’t turn out to be like The Lone Ranger.
Now for McConaughey. I’m not sure if I’m buying him as a bad dude. Like he’s never done that before and it just seems off putting. Mostly because he didn’t really change for it, he’s still talking like he always does, and I just wish either his voice would have been different or his appearance. Because when I saw this movie was coming out I didn’t know he was going to play the films baddie until I saw the trailer. So hopefully the man proves me wrong, it’s not like the man can’t act. So PROVE ME WRONG MATTHEW.
All in all this movie looks cool and it seems like a cool new universe to be a part of. With a stellar cast and some cool looking visuals I can get on board with this. It could be the last good movie of the Summer with an August release date. In the mean time I might get my hands on the book so I can march with those book snobs come August!
Check ya later.
Imagine getting 40K for shaving your head, well Sigourney Weaver did.
Quick note, I watched the assembly cut for this movie, its much better than the theatrical release.
Talk about studio interference. There is a lot of backstory when it comes to Alien 3. The legendary David Fincher directorial debut back in 1992. To this very day Fincher has a hard time talking about this project and rarely does so. In fact there was so much studio interference in the making of Alien 3, which they spent roughly 13 million dollars on 10 separate writers before finally locking down a final draft for the movie. After the massive success of James Cameron’s Aliens, FOX wanted to cash in on this mega franchise and thought they needed another Alien movie a.s.a.p. So after all sorts of re-writes, some involving Ripley – some not. A draft even involved Hicks and Bishop to be the main characters while Ripley would be in a coma for the majority of the movie. To many cooks in the kitchen can best describe Alien 3. The studio could never figure out what exactly they wanted and little did they know they had a master craft of a director at the helm, who had a vision and could never fully let it be played out.
So Alien 3 takes place right after the events of Aliens, we have our three survivors in their stasis pods in hyper sleep. When an egg is onboard their ship, it crash lands on “Fury 161” a wasteland of a planet, home to an all male prison facility. Right off the bat, fans were not happy, because they killed off both Newt and Hicks. We had come to love these characters in Aliens, and Ripley finally had a sense of happiness and somewhat of a family. That was taken away so quickly in this movie, so Ripley goes to sleep at the end of Aliens the happiest she’s ever been, to waking up and realizing her whole world has been turned upside down. Personally I wanted to see the characters of Hicks and Newt explored more and was bummed out the first time watching this, and finding out they won’t be a part of this continuing journey that we see Ripley go on. The biggest change we see Ripley go through is the fact that Sigourney Weaver shaved her head for this role. I like it, it works for the movie, and everyone at the prison is bald, because they have a lice problem. I’ll give it to Sigourney she pulls off the look. One other thing about Sigourney Weaver, she was nominated for an Oscar for her work in Aliens, so let’s just say she went into Alien 3 with some clout. Not saying that’s a bad thing, but when you have clout, it can go a long way. With that, she didn’t want any guns in this movie, she is very anti-gun, so that was one of her stipulations, and FOX agreed to meet that demand. Because a big plot hole of Alien 3, is that they are located at a maximum-security prison but have no weapons and I always found that to be odd.
So Ripley finds herself surrounded by killers and rapists, but is never intimidated or scared. Again it’s Ripley she’s a total badass and doesn’t back down. Dillon (Charles S Dutton) is the leader of these guys; he’s a believer and very religious man. One of the biggest themes of the movie is religion and about finding God. They were all once terrible men, but now they believe they can make peace with God and still be accepted into heaven when they are dead. Charles S. Dutton is just spectacular; actually all around the acting is top notch. Sometimes it’s hard to work with such a poor script, so everyone is really doing the best work they can with the material provided. Dillon gives some incredible speeches throughout the movie, and for me, he’s one of them most memorable characters in the alien universe. The guy fights one with his bare hands, he’s just got a real hard attitude and Charles S. Dutton, did a bang up job portraying this guy. Ripley finds herself nestling up to the medical doctor Clemons (Charles Dance) as she needed some sort of comfort after everything she had been through. I enjoyed seeing their relationship grow, but again whenever something good comes along in her life, it fades even quicker. Clemons doesn’t stick around too long, again I would have liked to see him survive a bit longer or even till the very end. Charles Dance is a phenomenal actor, and they didn’t use this man properly in Alien 3. The other inmate worth mentioning is actually the lone survivor of the movie, Morse (Danny Webb) and I friggin love this guy. He serves as the comic relief for this movie. The inmates, especially Morse, don’t care for Ripley all that much and treat her poorly. Some even try to rape her during the movie, but when things start to go to shit, Ripley steps up and the inmates realize how strong and courageous this woman really is. Especially Morse, when she saves him during the final act of the movie.
So when a face-bigger attaches itself onto an Ox, a new breed of Xenomorph is born. Something that Ripley has never seen before and it’s stalking the prisoners one by one. With no weapons to kill, what the prisoners call “the beast” they all have to come together and think of a way to get rid of it. When Ripley finds out that she has one inside of her and not only that but a queen. She realizes that things just got serious, when her ex employer wants to take the creature out of her and study it. The tone of Alien 3 is a bit iffy, it wants to be suspenseful like Alien, but also give us some action like we saw in Aliens. The effects in this movie are not the best in the franchise. Considering this came out after Alien and Aliens, you would imagine this would have the best effects of the three. That’s not the case, I’m not saying they are bad, but they simply just don’t hold up the way the other two films do. The Xenomorph itself at times looks great, when you can tell it’s being done practically, but when it’s not, it can be a bit messy at times. Fincher used the POV shot of the alien running a lot in the third act of the movie, it’s a cool effect but its a tad overused.
Here are my final thoughts on the movie. This movie is really only hated or loved. There really isn’t a middle ground for Alien 3. I feel that it’s so hard to try and compare it with what came before it, because both of those movies are masterpieces. So you have to look at this movie with those in the back of your mind, and just take it for what it is. Remember, there was so much interference with this movie, that it’s hard to tell what David Fincher ultimately wanted to accomplish, and I can’t even begin to imagine what working on a big budget movie like this would be like, let alone having hundreds of people breathing down your neck, or questioning every little decision you make. I love the last 45 minutes, it’s some of m favorite alien stuff, and I’m on the side of people who love this movie. I feel like maybe over time, more people will come to the idea of liking it the way I do. Appreciating it for the way I do, and understanding that this isn’t a perfect movie, and understanding that so much stuff was happening behind the scenes, and Fincher has gone on to make some incredible films. If you look up interviews of him talking about this movie, good luck because they are super rare. When he does talk about it, you can see how much it pains him, because he had a vision for what he wanted this movie to be and it never got to happen, and being a film maker that is probably their biggest fear. This was the last great alien movie, okay until Prometheus, but that took almost 20 years to happen, so enjoy this movie for what it is, because I know I do.
God I can’t wait till the drag race on the Moon in what I’m calling; Fast & Xtreme or Furious & Xtreme. I dunno it’s a working title, some combination of Fast, Furious and Xtreme!
Spoilers ahead, so drive with caution.
So like are we calling them “The Furious” now? Every super group has a name, The Avengers, The Beatles, Justice League, The Dream Team, and with the title The Fate of The Furious, I’m now declaring these people as “The Furious!” I think it’s a pretty cool idea, so let’s just go with that, because after the latest installment in this money making franchise, the last one made 1.5 BILLION dollars, Vin Diesel and company are legit super heroes. These movies just keep getting more over the top and ridiculous but you know what, I’m okay with it; in fact I absolutely love it. Going into it, if you’re not willing to turn off your brain, expect the most ridiculous of things to happen, and just laugh at how big Dwayne Johnson is, you’re just not living life to the fullest. Dwayne is actually so large, he in fact punches a huge metal wall and the after math looks like the Hulk just smashed the wall to shit, and by the way, his hand is fine! One thing these movies do, is to let us know how important family is, in fact I kept track of how many times the word “family” was said throughout the movie because I thought it would be something extremely high like 30, but it was just 16, and that made me sad. Family is the driving force of this movie and without spoiling the biggest reveal of the movie, okay I lied I’m going too! DOM TORETTO IS A FATHER PEOPLE! Wow that feels good to get off my chest, that’s right Dom knocked up Elena, that blonde cop from Fast Five, Dom is such a dirty dog! And like I said, his kid is the driving force for this story, and I’m calling it now, they will do an 18 year time jump in this franchise but no one will age except for the baby because like I said these people are super powered human beings. Wouldn’t that be cool a time jump, and now we are in 2036 and there are flying cars, I just blew my own mind. The writers of these movies should just contact me, because I have so many good ideas on where this franchise should go!
So the latest outing is directed by F. Gary Gray (Straight Outta Compton) and our entire beloved cast is back! Remember what franchise we are taking about here; the plot is insane, but simple at the same time. A mysterious woman Cipher (Charlize Theron) tracks down Dom, and blackmails/seduces him into working for her, but it isn’t revealed till much later in the movie, why Dom agreed to help her with such ease. So Dom goes rogue, and turns on the family, leaving Letty (Michelle Rodriguez) crushed and Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson) in jail where Deckard (Jason Statham) is also being held. Tej (Ludacris), Roman (Tyrese) and Ramsey (Nathalie Emmanuel) are also kicking around, and once it is revealed that Cipher is a cyber terrorist, such a clever name eh, it’s up to the team to track down Dom and take care of Cipher once and for all. I enjoy the cast in this franchise, they all know what’s going on, they are all aware of how ridiculous things are, but still they make it their own and I respect that. Statham and Johnson really meshed well in this; in fact they are the best part of the movie. There’s a joke where Deckard calls Hobbs “Hercules” and I laughed because Dwayne Johnson actually played him in a movie, so I wonder if that was a cheap shot, or just something they might have missed when writing the script. Or maybe I’m just a total nerd who knows too much about movies. Statham was the baddie in the last one, but he’s switched teams and I liked that aspect, actually so does his brother, who was the bad guy in Fast 6, jesus you need a Venn diagram to keep track of all this. Back to the cast, they all fill their roles well, and the one thing that I think lacked was the humor. Usually their little quips and banter back and forth works really well, in this I felt it kind of fell flat on its face. Which was unfortunate, because I was sitting in a packed house, and there wasn’t much laughter going on, not until the end, where it deals with the baby (which was actually hilarious), but it’s never a good sign when all of your jokes just aren’t working out. What they lack in laughs, they certainly make up for in action. I don’t know how they come up with some of the stuff that happens in these movies, a big bag of weed could be involved or maybe they just ask some 6 year olds to come up with some crazy action sequences, because some of the stuff going on here is BANANAS. At one point, Cipher and her team manage to hack into all the self driving cars in New York City, and it might be the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen in a movie, actually I just lied, them driving on ice being chased by a submarine is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen. I lied again guys, I’m sorry I really am, HELEN MIRREN being in this movie is the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen. Helen, my god, you sweet old lady you. I’m not going to lie, it works but really???? She plays the Mother of Decker and Owen, and she drops the only F-bomb of the movie, which was pretty great. This movie has Kurt Russell again, as Mr. Nobody and I can’t believe that they manage to get these legendary people, how much are they paying them, and it seems like Kurt Russell is having the time of his life making these movies. So good on him, because you might as well enjoy it rather than act like you want no part in being in this.
I’m just going to go on a little rant about how much I love Dwayne Johnson. Honestly he makes everything better. This franchise would be dead to rights if he hadn’t decided to come on board, and since he has, it has become what most people know it as today. He also might be the largest human on Earth; he picks people up in this, like a sack of potatoes, its great. I just believe he can do whatever he is doing in these movies, at one point he takes a torpedo and pushes it at a car, while hanging out of his own car, like he is a goddamn Olympic Curler. Thing probably weighs a ton and well isn’t nothing but a peanut to Hobbs. So if a franchise is ever in need of a reboot or a pick me up just call this man, and all your problems will be solved. So yes this movie is insane, things happen that will blow your mind. Like I still don’t know when these people became super heroes, maybe in Fast 5? I honestly want to see this cross over with The Avengers, because I think The Furious would maybe take the cake. They are the Kevin McAllister of super teams, give them some prep time and anything is possible!
One thing that disappointed me was the under utilization of Charlize Theron, she’s a badass woman, and all she did was stand in an airplane the entire time! She can throw down (watch the Atomic Blonde trailer) and I was hoping for some hand-to-hand stuff with her or maybe drive a car. She does get away in the end so she will be back, but I kind of felt cheated a little bit. She was a decent villain, like she got Dom to turn his back on family, if they didn’t show that in any trailers and no one knew about that going into this movie, would be a bigger twist than Sixth Sense ending. But like I’m trying to think back to the movie, and it’s almost a blur, just so much destruction and chaos, and it was hard to keep track of. There are so many characters now, it gets a little oversaturated, and it’s hard to give all these people something to do. These movies aren’t going anywhere for a long time, so hopefully they can clean that up before the next one, because it was probably the biggest problem of the movie. Like as I’m writing this review I forgot that Scott Eastwood joined the cast, he plays Little Nobody, and I really liked him! He was a great addition to the cast, I think he’s a really good young actor, but again they just keep adding people to these and at some point, enough is enough!
What can I say, going in I knew it would be over the top action, some horrible dialogue and a lot of white beaters, and I got just that. But this movie is going to make a billion dollars, people LOVE these movies and I don’t blame them. These are the best bad movies that Hollywood is pumping out today. Guilty pleasure for sure, and sometimes you need that in your life. They won’t win any awards, you will forget about it in a few days, but you will have a good time watching it, and isn’t that what going to the movies is all about? Get a large drink and popcorn, buckle up and prepare yourself for an overall enjoyable car ride.
One last thing, Paul Walker is no longer with us, and that sucks because I think he was truly the heart and soul of this franchise, but at the end of the movie, I saw it coming from a mile away. They name Dom’s kid Brian, to honor him and I just thought that was a real genuine movie moment. You could even see it on the actor’s faces, they really are a family, and I know they all miss him dearly, so to me that was just an awesome emotional moment. Looking forward to see what’s next, because the sky is the limit, literally they will probably have flying cars soon!
Check ya later,
Nate’s Movie Tour Reviews – The Fate of The Furious = 69/100
I could never decide what was scarier, the aliens or Newt carrying around that doll head.
See I told you, I’m a man of my word, and this week I just watched Aliens, highly regarded as one of the greatest action movies of all time! Again this movie was released even before I was on planet Earth, in 1986, directed by the legendary James Cameron, he took what Ridley Scott did in Alien, but he made it his own. Right off the bat I’ll say this, it would have been pretty damn easy for James Cameron to take this franchise and these characters and just ruin them, or try to change them, but he doesn’t. He didn’t try to redefine the Alien franchise, he simply expanded on it, and made Aliens his own thing, and well it’s just short of perfection. I remember growing up; I would always call this movie the sleepover movie, or the birthday party movie. I can recall countless times this is the movie that would be put on at night, because at the time there just weren’t too many movies like it, and it just kicks so much ass. I fell in love with this franchise at a very early age, and I’m glad I did because there are some wackos out there who’ve probably never even seen this movie. That’s simply just a crime against humanity, or maybe that’s just me being a complete and utter nerd, someone step up and tell me please!
So Aliens takes place 57 years after the events of Alien, our hero Ripley has been floating in her stasis pod the entire time, and by dumb luck a cargo ship comes across her vessel and BAM, our story continues. As she tells the tale of her encounter with the Xenomorph, the company she works for just isn’t buying it, seeing how since she’s been in deep sleep, there is now a colony of people living on the planet where her and her crew stumbled across the parasite (face hugger) in Alien. So relieved of her duties, it isn’t till a few days later, where suddenly they have lost all contact with anyone on LV-426, mysteriously after no events of anything happening, now dead silent. So they are sending in the Marines, and they want Ripley to tag along to be a special advisor to the operation, seeing how she’s the only one who knows first hand with what they are dealing with. Sigourney Weaver was nominated for an Oscar with the performance she gave in Aliens. Just stop and think about that for a second, that is unheard of. Someone from a massive summer action blockbuster being nominated for an Oscar, not in this day in age, so kudos to Sigourney, because she is actually simply spectacular in this movie. Ripley decides to tag along with these Marines, and that’s where we meet the rest of our lovable cast! Corporal Hicks (Michael Biehn), the leader of the crew, who is our main male character in the movie, Bishop (Lance Henriksen) a droid who Ripley isn’t to fond of due to the fact that the last droid on her mission tried to kill her, but Bishop really becomes a hero at the end. We have Vasquez (Janette Goldstein) and can I just say, I’ve always loved this woman in Aliens, she’s such a badass character and honestly they don’t really have female characters like this in movies anymore. Well they try to but they usually fail miserably, Vasquez always sticks out in my mind for being one of the first real tough, badass chicks in movies. We got the Sergeant of the group, Apone, who just has some of the best lines in the movie, “you know the drill, assholes and elbows everyone!” Kind of wish he stuck around longer in the movie, and we got to see him kind of do some ass kicking of his own. The slim ball company man of the group Burke (Paul Reiser), what can I say about his character, another than the fact that he’s simply just an asshole. He is truly the films main villain and the movie does a great job not really showing us that card until the last third of the movie, and I always thought that was pretty cool. It’s not a twist or anything, there are clues along the way, but going into Aliens, you would think the bad guys would just be the creatures themselves, when in fact their biggest threat was actually one of their own. Rounding out the crew, good old Hudson played by the phenomenal man Bill Paxton himself. We lost this great man earlier this year, the only person who could say that they’ve been killed by a terminator, an alien and a predator. Now that’s some legendary stuff. He’s the comedic relief of the movie, and his most infamous line “game over man, game over!” was actually improvised during that scene, which makes it all that much better. He’s almost the best part of the movie, but that title always stay with Ripley, he’s a goofy douche, but can throw down with the best of them, and is a Xenomorph killing machine. We simply lost this man way too soon. So these Marines land of LV-426, only to find it deserted and what once was a rescue mission, quickly turns into a survival mission. The only survivor is a little girl, known as Newt. She has somehow survived weeks, living in the air vents and when you think about it, she’s honestly just such a little trooper, I would have lasted all of 10 minutes before one of those things would get me. One of the big reasons Newt is such a vital part to this story is that when Ripley was in her deep sleep, she lost her daughter, she simply died of old age and when Ripley hears about this, it crushes her. It makes her realize just how long she’s been gone for and how different the world must be. So when they find Newt, Ripley takes it upon herself to not only be a mother figure to this poor helpless girl, but to protect her at all costs. It just added a nice extra layer to Ripley’s character and made her just seem a little more human and have compassion for someone in such a dire and intense, life-threatening situation.
So once they find Newt, they start to dig deeper into the complex, to see if anyone else is still alive, and they just so happen to stumble across the alien hive. Not knowing this of course sets our Marines up for total annihilation and the majority of them are wiped out before our very eyes. The hive scene for me will always be one of my favorites from all of cinema. I think its perfect, to how its shot, you have the Marines point of view, and then you have the view of Ripley and the others watching horrified through monitors, as they see them being picked off one by one. It manages to blend horror, suspense and action all into one and James Cameron does it tremendously. It’s really hard to blend so many different feels, and movie genres all into one scene without over doing it. The hive is just so cool looking, as the aliens use the walls of the cocooned hive to camouflage themselves so well, that when they re moving towards our Marines, even though they have a motion sensor tracking system, they simply just cannot see them coming. This always stands out to me, as just masterful filmmaking. Just one of the many iconic scenes throughout the movie, when it’s all said and done, only a few Marines are left standing and now it’s time for them to find a way off this rock. Trapped on the planet with the aliens, this is where James Cameron really gets to show off the awesome weaponry. For being made in 1986, the weaponry in Aliens is some of the best stuff I’ve ever seen in film. From the sentry guns, to the pulse rifles, to the guns I don’t even know the name of, you know the BFG’s that Vasquez and Drake use in the hive scene, those things will cut you in half.
So when it’s just down to Ripley, it’s her duty to save Newt from her potential fate, so she has to go back into the hive but this time around she stumbles across the queen! Surrounded by eggs, Ripley grabs Newt and they think they are in the clear. It’s then they notice the queen has attached herself to their ship and it’s time for one last showdown between the queen and Ripley, in a some kind of cargo moving mech suit! You know “get away from her you bitch!” line. Again this is just such an iconic scene and one that I’ll certainly never forget. How else were we expecting Ripley to go toe-to-toe with the mother of all aliens, the queen! For what this fight is, obviously it’s slow but powerful, and you couldn’t really expect much else from two huge things battling it out! They just simply don’t really make movies like the used too, 1986 and it still holds up to this day. My opinion, the greatest science-fiction action movie ever created and one of my all time go to movies. It’s just damn near perfect, I can’t think of a single flaw in Aliens, I can try and maybe if I think long and hard about it, I could nitpick something, but what’s the fun in that. James Cameron made a masterpiece and one thing I’ll say about James Cameron. His ability to find young actors and get the most out of them, whether it’s Newt from Aliens or Edward Furlongs character in Terminator 2. These were both their first roles and you wouldn’t have guessed that for a second, it really is something special, an underrated talent of directors. Up next is a film that I think is way undervalued and that would be Alien 3!
All I know is 2017 is the year of family; first Dom Toretto is turning his back on his family and now Optimus, what the hell is going on here people?
These movies I tell yeah, just when you think you’re out, they suck you right back in. This franchise is honestly just like that ex girlfriend you keep going back to. You just can’t help yourself; it’s pretty, makes no sense, and every so often takes a little bit of your money. I have not be impressed with any of the trailers so far for The Last Knight, but this last trailer, wasn’t all that bad! I’ve been a fan of the franchise since the beginning, actually I love the first Transformers movie, but they have yet been able to top the first movie. So lets break down this trailer!
First off, is it just me or did they actually create the woman in this in some sort of lab. She is Emily Blunt mixed with Megan Fox and it’s kind of scary, hopefully if she was made in a lab they used Emily Blunt’s acting skills rather than Megan’s, sorry not sorry. Speaking of Megan Fox, these movies just don’t feel the same without Shia, I loved him in these and thought he was always the best part, and I know he’s done with summer blockbusters and franchises, but I just wish he would even make a small little cameo. I’m real curious to see how the whole Knights of The Roundtable thing plays out, that is either going to be pretty cool or fall flat on its face, only time will tell. Last year we got Batman vs. Superman, we are going to be getting a Thor vs. Hulk throw down in November but honestly I think Bumblebee vs. Optimus has potential to beat them all, if they do it properly, again only time will tell. The action looks great, like it always does in these movies; it’s just always the acting that needs a little bit of help. I love Marky Mark and all, but I feel like he does these movies for the paycheck, he can do whatever he wants in Hollywood, so why do these? I feel like the little girl running around will either be annoying come the first 10 minutes or hopefully she kicks a lot of ass in this, and I will be dead wrong.
All in all, this was by far the best trailer we have seen so far, and not being the biggest fan of the last Transformers, I will remain an opportunist when it comes to this franchise and hope for the best. This could be a really great franchise, but maybe it just needs a makeover, this being Michael Bay’s last time directing one, could ultimately be the best thing for this money maker of a movie franchise. Looking forward to this hurting my brain and being super pissed I went to see it opening night.