So you’re telling me Dwayne Johnson is going to fight a giant ape, wolf and crocodile? Sign me up
People we have a new king of the jungle and it’s this giant ape George. Look out, we might have a new front runner for best movie adapted from a video game! Yeah I know, it was only the first teaser trailer, but Rampage starring Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson looks like a A TON OF FUN. Seriously though, let’s not take this thing too seriously here, it’s about giant mutated animals running wild around the streets of Chicago. But if I know one thing, Dwayne Johnson movies work like 60% of the time and this is one of those times. Based off the Rampage the 80’s arcade game, it looks like we will have a highly entertaining summer movie on our hands.
From the same director (Brad Peyton) who did San Andreas along with Dwayne, I actually really like that movie. It was a fun summer blockbuster, it looked pretty fantastic, so instead of an earthquake, you’re replacing it with giant animals? Just take my money now Warner Brothers. I know he has a tendency to do kind of the same movie over and over again, like world ending, disaster, destruction, cheesy popcorn flicks, but it suits him. That’s what The Rock does best in my opinion and Rampage looks and feels no different. Everyone here seems to be having fun, the cast is really good, with Naomi Harris (James Bond Girl), who is just excellent and so lovely. We got Jeffrey Dean Morgan doing well Jeffrey Dean Morgan things, its Negan without the baseball bat. I actually hope the trailer didn’t ruin his apparent death in the movie? Because I want as much JDM in Rampage as humanly possible. Finally we have Joe Manganiello (Magic Mike) who is so badass and awesome, and I’m so excited to see him side by side with The Rock.
You can’t sit there and tell me you weren’t a little entertained by the trailer? I’m not picky when it comes to movies and like I said, this will be just another mind numbing summer blockbuster, that you see on the big screen, have a good time doing so, and then never watch the movie again. Sometimes that’s what movies are all about, and for me, this looks like it will be a wild ride.
I honestly can’t believe that this movie is growing on me, I have an extreme weakness for Dwayne Johnson.
It feels like just yesterday that they released the first trailer for this, and I was completely and utterly disgusted by what I watched. Then I saw the trailer again, and again and again. They play it in front of a ton of movies, and this thing has grown on me. So when Rock teased the second trailer earlier this week, I was kind of excited to see what else this movie could bring to the table.
I actually don’t mind this trailer, I’ll take it for what it is. This won’t be a very good movie, and it probably won’t do very well at the box-office, but it just looks like the cast is having a ton of fun. There are plenty of laughs to be had throughout, my favourite being Kevin Hart asking if he was “still black,” then exploding due to eating a piece of cake, which I guess is his weakness? Tons of hijinxs are occurring, and yes, this is nothing like the original, but I’m almost glad it isn’t. They really needed to make it more “modern” and by having Jumanji now be a video game, they did just that.
Kevin Hart and Dwayne Johnson have incredible on screen chemistry together, it showed in Central Intelligence, and it appears to in Jumanji we can expect more of the same. They are great together, and I’m hoping they aren’t putting all the laughs in the trailer. This has potential to be a decent movie, but I also wouldn’t be shocked if it ends up less than 20% on Rotten Tomatoes and it some what bombs at the box-office, they just really need a good marketing campaign behind this thing to get some excitement for it. All in all it was a good trailer, and I’m more excited for this movie than I was 48 hours ago, so I guess the trailer did its job. Also Nick Jonas is either going to be okay in this, or just completely ruin the movie, so theres that.
Jumanji more like Juman-jeeze, are we serious with this?
Okay guys, am I the only one who is getting a little worried about our dear old friend Dwayne Johnson? Am I the only one who thought this was a piece of crap trailer, for a movie that shouldn’t have been made in the first place? Since when is Jumanji a video game and not the classic board game we all fell in love with in the 90s. In all seriousness, Baywatch just came out and my god that was torture to sit through and this looks even worse. Dwayne Johnson is one of my favourite people in the world, but this is getting a little out of hand. Jumanji looks like utter trash, I’m sorry.
I think I already know the whole movie from just watching this trailer. Four kids are stuck in detention, who don’t like each other and who are polar opposites, cough cough, The Breakfast Club. Where they stumble onto the video game of Jumanji, and next thing they know, they are sucked into the jungle and the world of Jumanji. Here’s the kicker all their stereotypes are reversed in the game, the big jock becomes little old Kevin Hart, the nerd becomes Dwayne Johnson, the outcast becomes the smoke show that is Karen Gillian (🚀🚀), and the pretty girl in school becomes Jack Black…..
So I’m sure they will all hate each other at the beginning but learn how to become a team and trust each other. And learn that it’s what’s on the inside the counts and find inner strength that they didn’t know they had. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure there will be tons of laughs in this movie, but it just feels so different from the original. One of Robin Williams best movies and performances, and now we are getting this CGI filled mess.
Hey I could be wrong, Dwayne and Hart had great chemistry in Central Intelligence, I enjoy Karen Gillan in Guardians of The Galaxy, and Jack Black is just a saint. But this is not a good trailer. This simply is not Jumanji, like at all. I hope I’m wrong on this one I really do, because this has potential to be a great remake/reboot, I’m not really sure how this is working. It just feels unnecessary because nothing will ever top the original. Quick fix, call it Welcome To The Jungle, drop the Jumanji, it’s cleaner.
Not even The Rock or slow motion boobs, could save this heaping pile of hot garbage. What this movie needs, is a life jacket…
Remember back in 2014, when 22 Jump Street hit theatres? Remember the running joke throughout the movie, where they insisted “to just do the exact same thing as last time?” Going into Seth Gordon’s Baywatch, I honestly thought it would be, The Rock + some boobs + the beach, and hopefully a 21/22 Jump Street vibe. Well we got Dwayne Johnson, that much is for certain, but everything else, not so much. I can’t begin to describe the utter mess this movie was. My god, just DO THE SAME THING JUMP STREET DID! Before I go on a tirade, I will say this, I’ll give the actors in this movie a lot of credit, they did what they could with the material they were given. It seems like they really had a lot of fun making Baywatch and seem to come together as a cast. The chemistry is terrific between these people, especially Dwayne and Zac Efron, but that really is the only good takeaway I had. It feels like Dwayne Johnson really mailed this one in folks, it’s a shame, because he still remains the most likeable movie star and person on planet Earth.
Our story is pretty simple, Baywatch is a sinking ship, getting no money from the city and people are finding it harder to trust them to do their job properly. Leader of Baywatch, Mitch Buchannon (Dwayne Johnson) thinks that the city not only needs the watch, but they are doing a great job. When the head of Baywatch thinks they need a promotional boost and need to spice things up, he brings in outsider and two time Olympic Gold medal winner Matt Brody (Zac Efron). Joining Buchannon on his team, is CJ (Kelly Rohrbach 🚀🚀🚀) and Stephanie (Ilfenesh Hadera). It’s summer time and that means they are looking for new recruits, when Brody joins the team so does two new comers, Summer (Alexandra Daddario 🚀🚀🚀) and Ronnie (Jon Bass). Like I said above, this movies problem is not the cast, in fact I thought they all had such terriffic chemistry and worked really well together. It was pretty obvious from the very get-go, that Ronnie’s character was written and suppose to be Josh Gad. Jon Bass was okay, but that’s what I was thinking the entire time the movie went on, maybe he had a scheduling conflict, or read the script and bailed. When the team discovers that drugs are being smuggled into the city, they suspect it’s the head of the country club, Victoria Leeds (Priyanka Chopra). Brody thinks that this is a job for the police and refuses to help at first, thinking that being apart of Baywatch is just making sure people put on sunscreen and saving people from ocassionally drowning. Honestly not a whole lot happens throughout the movie, considering it almost clocks in at 2 hours, just a lot of filler. Mitch wants Brody to be a team player, and believe that being part of Baywatch is more than being a lifeguard.
I understand this movie is based off the 90’s TV show, which was cheesy and kind of silly all on its own, so they needed a little revamp for the movie. Making it a raunchy rated R comedy really didn’t do it any favours. I was sitting in a decently crowded theatre and well no one was laughing…….Maybe here or there, but every joke was falling flat. Not good, considering this is a comedy. I’m all for a great dick joke, in fact I enjoy a good dick joke, but my god, I think 45 percent of the jokes in this movie were dick jokes. There’s even a real human dick in this movie. That’s never a good thing, especially when they are just limp, and not hitting. (dick joke!) Going in, I thought this was going to be a really funny movie, Dwayne Johnson can be really funny, but it just seemed like he mailed this one in big time. Actually I know he did, because there’s a 20 minute stretch where he’s just not in the movie. His heart just wasn’t in this one I don’t think, I know he’s a busy guy, but being gone for the majority of the third act is just never a good sign. I will say this about the movie, remember in Batman & Robin when all Arnold Schwarzenegger did was speak in ice puns? Well Dwayne Johnson really only speaks in ocean puns in this. I swear to god, he even blurts out “I’m oceanic mother fucker!” towards the end! What is that nonsense!? That’s all I could think of, was Mr. Freeze and how on Earth he agreed to this script. Still with all that being said, you loved his character, you were rooting for Mitch the entire movie, because it just goes to show, that people will literally watch anything with Dwayne Johnson in it. Here’s another thing, we had two cameos from the TV show, David Hasselhoof and Pamela Anderson, who actually doesn’t speak a word of dialogue which I found amussing. Here’s the kicker, so Hasselhoff is known as “the mentor” but his name is Mitch Buchannon, Dwayne Johnson’s name is Mitch Buchannon, and this movie takes place in the same universe as the television show. How is that possible? There’s just no way they have the same name, these are the little things that pissed me off while I watched the movie. There’s a little scene at the end, where Hoff asks if he will be in the sequel, sorry but there isn’t going to be any sequel my man (this movie bombed).
So I knew this movie was going to be hot garbage almost immediately. The movie opens and we see Mitch running to go save someone, and when he pops out of the water with the person in his arms, BAYWATCH rises from the water and we also see dolphins dancing and doing flips in the background. It was so fake and cheesy that it just set the tone of the movie. That and the first lines of dialogue spoken need “subtitles” because they are like speaking in surfer. Baywatch tries hard to be cool, and it makes it less cool, they were one strapping it the entire time and we all know, it’s now cool to two strap it. Also, the effects and CGI in this are laughable, there’s a scene where a boat is on fire, and it’s the fakest looking fire I’ve ever seen. Like spend some money on these sorts of things, it makes the movie look even worse. That and they green-screened parts of the movie, where literally they are just on a boat in the water. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!! You couldn’t even be on a boat, in the actual water? It’s a joke, like it has to be a joke, right? Things like this don’t usually bother me, but the amount of edits that were happening in certain scenes, was incredible. I don’t usually notice this, because well I mostly watch good movies, but it was sticking out like a sore thumb, just overall terrible film making. Sometimes I can never understand how these things get made, I know, it’s got the worlds biggest movie star, but a little more effort would be appreciated. Oh, and they totally waste a perfectly good funny human being; Hannibal Buress. He doesn’t have anything funny to say, and he’s barley in it. He’s one of the funniest guys around right now and you completely wasted him, the movie needed more Hannibal. Speaking of being wasted, the talented Alexandra Daddario is pretty much in this movie to stand around and give reaction shots and facial expressions. They don’t give her anything to do, or funny to say, she’s just there. Kind of disappointing if you ask me, because she deserves better. One tiny bright spot, Yahya Abdul-Manteen who’s playing Black Manta (one of the coolest villains ever) in Aquaman was really funny in this. So that gave me even more hope for Aquaman and I think he’s going to rock it in that role!
Overall Baywatch is just a mess. It has some of the worst writing for a summer blockbuster in a long time. This honestly felt like a Michael Bay movie, and I happen to think he can put out some good movies. The whole movie was just so predictable and I can’t even really remember one memorable moment, that didn’t invoke some sort of dick joke. They really messed this up, because with a great cast, this had success written all over it. Now I don’t see another coming, unless they really make good money overseas, but I highly doubt that. I wanna see Zac Efron in more things, he’s actually really funny and always finds a way to have great chemistry with his co-stars. I just hope this isn’t a sign of things to come with other properties Dwayne Johnson is rebooting, like Jumanji and Rampage. This summer movie season has kind of been a bummer so far, it’s making me sad. The only positive that comes from this, Zac has motivated me to get a real nice summer bod, so thanks for that Zac.
God I can’t wait till the drag race on the Moon in what I’m calling; Fast & Xtreme or Furious & Xtreme. I dunno it’s a working title, some combination of Fast, Furious and Xtreme!
Spoilers ahead, so drive with caution.
So like are we calling them “The Furious” now? Every super group has a name, The Avengers, The Beatles, Justice League, The Dream Team, and with the title The Fate of The Furious, I’m now declaring these people as “The Furious!” I think it’s a pretty cool idea, so let’s just go with that, because after the latest installment in this money making franchise, the last one made 1.5 BILLION dollars, Vin Diesel and company are legit super heroes. These movies just keep getting more over the top and ridiculous but you know what, I’m okay with it; in fact I absolutely love it. Going into it, if you’re not willing to turn off your brain, expect the most ridiculous of things to happen, and just laugh at how big Dwayne Johnson is, you’re just not living life to the fullest. Dwayne is actually so large, he in fact punches a huge metal wall and the after math looks like the Hulk just smashed the wall to shit, and by the way, his hand is fine! One thing these movies do, is to let us know how important family is, in fact I kept track of how many times the word “family” was said throughout the movie because I thought it would be something extremely high like 30, but it was just 16, and that made me sad. Family is the driving force of this movie and without spoiling the biggest reveal of the movie, okay I lied I’m going too! DOM TORETTO IS A FATHER PEOPLE! Wow that feels good to get off my chest, that’s right Dom knocked up Elena, that blonde cop from Fast Five, Dom is such a dirty dog! And like I said, his kid is the driving force for this story, and I’m calling it now, they will do an 18 year time jump in this franchise but no one will age except for the baby because like I said these people are super powered human beings. Wouldn’t that be cool a time jump, and now we are in 2036 and there are flying cars, I just blew my own mind. The writers of these movies should just contact me, because I have so many good ideas on where this franchise should go!
So the latest outing is directed by F. Gary Gray (Straight Outta Compton) and our entire beloved cast is back! Remember what franchise we are taking about here; the plot is insane, but simple at the same time. A mysterious woman Cipher (Charlize Theron) tracks down Dom, and blackmails/seduces him into working for her, but it isn’t revealed till much later in the movie, why Dom agreed to help her with such ease. So Dom goes rogue, and turns on the family, leaving Letty (Michelle Rodriguez) crushed and Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson) in jail where Deckard (Jason Statham) is also being held. Tej (Ludacris), Roman (Tyrese) and Ramsey (Nathalie Emmanuel) are also kicking around, and once it is revealed that Cipher is a cyber terrorist, such a clever name eh, it’s up to the team to track down Dom and take care of Cipher once and for all. I enjoy the cast in this franchise, they all know what’s going on, they are all aware of how ridiculous things are, but still they make it their own and I respect that. Statham and Johnson really meshed well in this; in fact they are the best part of the movie. There’s a joke where Deckard calls Hobbs “Hercules” and I laughed because Dwayne Johnson actually played him in a movie, so I wonder if that was a cheap shot, or just something they might have missed when writing the script. Or maybe I’m just a total nerd who knows too much about movies. Statham was the baddie in the last one, but he’s switched teams and I liked that aspect, actually so does his brother, who was the bad guy in Fast 6, jesus you need a Venn diagram to keep track of all this. Back to the cast, they all fill their roles well, and the one thing that I think lacked was the humor. Usually their little quips and banter back and forth works really well, in this I felt it kind of fell flat on its face. Which was unfortunate, because I was sitting in a packed house, and there wasn’t much laughter going on, not until the end, where it deals with the baby (which was actually hilarious), but it’s never a good sign when all of your jokes just aren’t working out. What they lack in laughs, they certainly make up for in action. I don’t know how they come up with some of the stuff that happens in these movies, a big bag of weed could be involved or maybe they just ask some 6 year olds to come up with some crazy action sequences, because some of the stuff going on here is BANANAS. At one point, Cipher and her team manage to hack into all the self driving cars in New York City, and it might be the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen in a movie, actually I just lied, them driving on ice being chased by a submarine is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen. I lied again guys, I’m sorry I really am, HELEN MIRREN being in this movie is the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen. Helen, my god, you sweet old lady you. I’m not going to lie, it works but really???? She plays the Mother of Decker and Owen, and she drops the only F-bomb of the movie, which was pretty great. This movie has Kurt Russell again, as Mr. Nobody and I can’t believe that they manage to get these legendary people, how much are they paying them, and it seems like Kurt Russell is having the time of his life making these movies. So good on him, because you might as well enjoy it rather than act like you want no part in being in this.
I’m just going to go on a little rant about how much I love Dwayne Johnson. Honestly he makes everything better. This franchise would be dead to rights if he hadn’t decided to come on board, and since he has, it has become what most people know it as today. He also might be the largest human on Earth; he picks people up in this, like a sack of potatoes, its great. I just believe he can do whatever he is doing in these movies, at one point he takes a torpedo and pushes it at a car, while hanging out of his own car, like he is a goddamn Olympic Curler. Thing probably weighs a ton and well isn’t nothing but a peanut to Hobbs. So if a franchise is ever in need of a reboot or a pick me up just call this man, and all your problems will be solved. So yes this movie is insane, things happen that will blow your mind. Like I still don’t know when these people became super heroes, maybe in Fast 5? I honestly want to see this cross over with The Avengers, because I think The Furious would maybe take the cake. They are the Kevin McAllister of super teams, give them some prep time and anything is possible!
One thing that disappointed me was the under utilization of Charlize Theron, she’s a badass woman, and all she did was stand in an airplane the entire time! She can throw down (watch the Atomic Blonde trailer) and I was hoping for some hand-to-hand stuff with her or maybe drive a car. She does get away in the end so she will be back, but I kind of felt cheated a little bit. She was a decent villain, like she got Dom to turn his back on family, if they didn’t show that in any trailers and no one knew about that going into this movie, would be a bigger twist than Sixth Sense ending. But like I’m trying to think back to the movie, and it’s almost a blur, just so much destruction and chaos, and it was hard to keep track of. There are so many characters now, it gets a little oversaturated, and it’s hard to give all these people something to do. These movies aren’t going anywhere for a long time, so hopefully they can clean that up before the next one, because it was probably the biggest problem of the movie. Like as I’m writing this review I forgot that Scott Eastwood joined the cast, he plays Little Nobody, and I really liked him! He was a great addition to the cast, I think he’s a really good young actor, but again they just keep adding people to these and at some point, enough is enough!
What can I say, going in I knew it would be over the top action, some horrible dialogue and a lot of white beaters, and I got just that. But this movie is going to make a billion dollars, people LOVE these movies and I don’t blame them. These are the best bad movies that Hollywood is pumping out today. Guilty pleasure for sure, and sometimes you need that in your life. They won’t win any awards, you will forget about it in a few days, but you will have a good time watching it, and isn’t that what going to the movies is all about? Get a large drink and popcorn, buckle up and prepare yourself for an overall enjoyable car ride.
One last thing, Paul Walker is no longer with us, and that sucks because I think he was truly the heart and soul of this franchise, but at the end of the movie, I saw it coming from a mile away. They name Dom’s kid Brian, to honor him and I just thought that was a real genuine movie moment. You could even see it on the actor’s faces, they really are a family, and I know they all miss him dearly, so to me that was just an awesome emotional moment. Looking forward to see what’s next, because the sky is the limit, literally they will probably have flying cars soon!
Check ya later,
Nate’s Movie Tour Reviews – The Fate of The Furious = 69/100